Brothers K

My slow slog through the Bible has been stalled of late (I’m in Exodus right now, and if memory serves, Moses is soon to go up on top of a mountain and have a chat with the Big Cheese), but my slow slog through The Brothers Karamazov continues apace. I tried reading Brothers K three years ago, but I wasn’t ready for it, and I just plain didn’t understand it at all. I’m getting more of it this time around, but it’s still pretty slow going: I’m on page 157 (my translation is by Andrew MacAndrew, for Bantam Classics, available as an e-book here) and it’s over 950 pages, total, so it’ll be a while.

Dostoevsky’s storytelling style takes some getting used to. He has a habit of writing along in a scene, and then bringing in some new character, at which point he breaks off to give the reader a history of that particular character. His characters are all fascinating, but what’s difficult is that when he’s done introducing us to these new characters (and he frequently takes an entire chapter to do so), he drops up right back into the original scene. I’m doing a lot of backtracking to figure out what’s going on.

In terms of “getting” the book, I wonder if my regular church attendance over the last fifteen months (beginning shortly after Little Quinn’s birth, and continuing despite his passing) has helped me to understand Dostoevsky’s spiritual themes, if only to a very small degree. The book’s introduction makes clear that Dostoevsky’s main themes are the nature of Man and how he relates to God; and right now, I’m in the midst of a section of the book called “The Sensualists”, in which we are really delving into the various conflicts within the Karamazov family, conflicts which are almost all really unsavory in nature. Alyosha (the “main” character) is apparently struggling to rise above his family’s sensual nature, so the book is right now shaping up to at least be in part about Alyosha’s spiritual testing. Or so I think. As I said, I’m only a short way into the book.

For those who have read the book, I’ve just made the acquaintance of Smerdyakov, Fyodor Karamazov’s bastard son, and I remember this passage from my first attempt at reading The Brothers K (not my translation, but it’s close enough):

There is a remarkable picture by the painter Kramskoy, called “Contemplation.” There is a forest in winter, and on a roadway through the forest, in absolute solitude, stands a peasant in a torn kaftan and bark shoes. He stands, as it were, lost in thought. Yet he is not thinking; he is “contemplating.” If anyone touched him he would start and look at one as though awakening and bewildered. It’s true he would come to himself immediately; but if he were asked what he had been thinking about, he would remember nothing. Yet probably he has, hidden within himself, the impression which had dominated him during the period of contemplation. Those impressions are dear to him and no doubt he hoards them imperceptibly, and even unconsciously. How and why, of course, he does not know either. He may suddenly, after hoarding impressions for many years, abandon everything and go off to Jerusalem on a pilgrimage for his soul’s salvation, or perhaps he will suddenly set fire to his native village, and perhaps do both. There are a good many “contemplatives” among the peasantry.

I love how Dostoevsky reaches into the visual art of his time to make a further illustrative point about his character. It interests me that, in using words to describe Smerdyakov, Dostoevsky turns to using more words to describe a visual painting that illustrates his point, since he couldn’t assume that many of his readers at all would have seen this particular painting.

And yes, it’s a real painting. Here it is (via):

I’ve found that what makes reading older literary works difficult, for me, isn’t so much the often antiquated language but the allusions to cultural artifacts that would have been well known in the author’s time, but are little-known today.

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HOW DID ENCYCLOPEDIA KNOW? TURN TO PAGE 94.

Via Camille at BookMoot I see that the usual Hollywood machinations are in progress to bring the Encyclopedia Brown books to the big screen. For a couple of years when I was in fourth and fifth grade, the EB books were a staple of mine, although there were times when I’d get a little incredulous that the ten-year-old kid could figure out every case that came his way; and also, as the series went on, some of the solutions started to take on an Oh, come on! vibe. I’m thinking of the little linguistic-trap cases, where EB would sagely note that an innocent person in the case involving both archery and a two-floor house would have heard him say “The stolen item is an arrow flight away” (indicating outside) as opposed to “The stolen item is a narrow flight away” (indicating upstairs). Somehow, I don’t think that would pass muster on an episode of Law & Order.

Reading the news article, I’m surprised first that apparently an EB movie has been in one pipeline or another for over twenty years, going back to a time when Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn would have starred, in 1981 or 1982. (These two had a very charming chemistry in Foul Play, a caper flick I’ve always liked.) Now, I’m not sure if Chase and Hawn would have actually played EB and his friend Sally Something (Kimball? It’s been years, folks), or if they’d have played EB’s parents.

I’m also surprised — well, surprised isn’t really the right word, more disappointed — at this:

Deutsch [the guy who owns the EB film rights] said the script he commissioned from the screenwriter Ryan Rowe significantly updated the character, and he envisions the series as more an action-adventure type movie rather than a straight-ahead detective story.

So an EB movie would probably end up looking more like Spy Kids or, more nostalgically, The Goonies than the EB books. Well, on the one hand, the format of the EB books renders them specifically unfilmable; but one wonders why the a priori assumption that kids aren’t going to be interested in a mystery. Kids aren’t stupid; they don’t need action and adventure in every movie that gets aimed at them. EB was never about thrills-and-spills; the only instances of fisticuffs in the books that I remember were very brief, and always consisted of local bully Bugs Meany getting punched by Sally Kimball. Even if Donald Sobol’s EB adventures stretched credulity a bit, why can’t we have a good entertainment for kids that involves things like, oh, thinking and detailed observation?

I’m also given pause by the name of the filmmaker who is currently interested in this: Ridley Scott. Now, Scott’s a very established filmmaker, obviously, but when I consider his previous efforts, which all tend to be very heavy, ponderous, and visuals-laden films, I see little that makes him the obvious choice to do a movie about a ten-year-old kid who opens a detective agency in his garage. This kind of project needs a kind of whimsy, doesn’t it? Something more along the lines of, oh, a Robert Zemeckis or a Rob Reiner or a Joe Dante — guys who did Back to the Future or Stand By Me or Gremlins, not the guy who did Bladerunner and Gladiator and Black Hawk Down. Which brings me to this bit from Scott:

Scott and Deutsch agree that the characters are appealing because they show children to be more clever, and observant, than adults.

Scott added, “Any mustiness that comes from the period in which the books were written will disappear when contemporizing the setting.”

Well, in the first place, it’s not that the characters show children to be more clever and observant than adults, because many of the mysteries in the EB books don’t involve adults at all, so the books more establish that EB himself is more clever and observant than, well, everybody. There’s no grand statement about how dumb adults are in the books, and in reality, EB stands in the classic tradition of very intelligent detectives in mystery fiction. He’s another Holmes, Nero Wolfe, or Hercule Poirot. He just happens to be ten.

The second part of that quote also rankles: Scott will handle the “mustiness” of the books’ original setting by “contemporizing” them. Well, ugh. Why does this thing have to be contemporized? Just looking at The Daughter’s collection of movies, there are time periods all over the place represented in those films. The assumption that kids today won’t relate to EB and his adventures if he’s not using the Net and playing games on his X-Box or whatever is really annoying. An action-adventure movie about kids in a contemporary setting can be a good movie, I suppose, but it wouldn’t really be an Encyclopedia Brown movie, would it?

(And the worst thing is that the movie should have been made in 1987, when Wil Wheaton could have played Encyclopedia. Stupid movie development hell!)

UPDATE: Oh, yeah: would someone tell me why the books of this author haven’t been snapped up by someone in Hollywood? If done well, these would make great movies!

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Brief Hits

Some quick linkage and thoughts and stuff:

:: Last night, it seemed that Blogger and BlogSpot had a bit of difficulty: for hours I couldn’t load the blog, the SiteMeter read 0 visits during several consecutive hours, and not even status.blogger.com, which used to be maintained on a server that was separate from the rest of Blogger, wasn’t even loading. Things eventually came back, but information on what happened didn’t appear until late today. Here’s the scoop. Maybe they should at least relocate status.blogger.com to a non-BlogSpot server.

:: But kudos to the Blogger folks for tweaking the BackLinks function, such that the default setting is now to allow BackLinks. This is cool.

:: Lynn Sislo prefers businesses that hate your children, and apparently she fell off the turnip truck a long time ago. For myself, I associate turnips with one thing: a beef and vegetable stew my father used to make that also included parsnips. Now that I think about it a bit, in the years in which I had cable and in which I watched at least one hour of Food Network a day, I never once saw the cooking of a turnip in progress. Who does eat these things?

:: I suspect that I’d disagree with what ACD says here, if I could figure out just what the hell it is that he’s saying.

:: This half-hour “appendix” of sorts that has been appended to A Charlie Brown Christmas, rounding out the show to a whole hour, is just drivel. What a let down, going from the classic original show with its gentle humor and pitch-perfect writing to…this. Blleeeccchhhh.

:: I just can’t wait until the next Sunday Burst of Weirdness to present this. I love photos like this.

:: Kevin Smith goes after the AICN TalkBack weirdos one last time, here.

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I’m a joker, I’m a smoker, I’m a halftime choker….

Yeah, I suppose that if I’m going to return to normal posting behavior, I need to kvetch a bit about the Buffalo Bills, who took a 23-3 lead into the fourth quarter against the Miami Dolphins on Sunday — and managed to lose 24-23. Whoops.

I remember how Chris Berman used to say, “Nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills.” Now we’d have to change that to, “Nobody on the Buffalo Bills circles the wagons.” Seriously, I’m not sure what’s more annoying: that the Bills basically quit in west-coast blowout losses to Oakland and San Diego, or that they showed absolutely no “giddy-up” in blowing a twenty-point lead in Miami, a team which is on nobody’s list of teams to worry about this year.

It’s always annoying to watch a team blow a lead, but this one was particularly galling, because it put the team’s weaknesses on large-scale display. That ball-control, power-running offense that might have iced the game by either scoring more points or ran time off the clock was shelved in favor of cute pass plays that neither scored points nor took time off the clock. That opportunistic defense, the one that thrives on creating turnovers, instead decided to miss tackles and allow Dolphin receivers to get open downfield. Nate Clements, “Mr. Playmaker”, the “lockdown corner”, missed a ton of tackles himself, while the Dolphins acted like they knew the Bills were going to be blitzing constantly — which they did, because anyone who watches any game footage of the Bills knows that they blitz constantly.

And the offensive line, which I’ve been bitching about in this space for what, three seasons now? It consistently allowed JP Losman to get pressured and chased out of the pocket.

Nobody on this team ever steps up and makes the big play; nobody on this team ever steps up and delivers the big block. I could live with the bad record if the Bills were out there trying really hard every week, and were just dealing with injuries, or youth, or whatever. But they’re not. They’re fairly healthy, and they’re loaded with veterans. And yet here they are, 4-8 with the Stupid Patriots, Broncos, and Bengals still looming ahead.

The major topic of discussion in these parts, as far as the Bills go, is whether or not the team should fire General Manager Tom Donahoe. While I can see the logic behind a lot of the personnel decisions Donahoe has made since he got here (and to cite just one example, everyone in Buffalo thinks Gregg Williams was a disaster, but if he keeps the Redskins’ defense playing the way it is, the guy will be a head coach again), the fact is that the Bills have turned in just one winning season and zero playoff appearances since Donahoe’s been in charge. In a league where the Bengals can go from a 2-14 season in 2002 to being one of the AFC’s top teams in 2005 (right now they’re 9-3), for the Bills to have posted records of 3-13, 8-8, 6-10, 9-7 and 4-8 (thus far this year) under Donahoe is unacceptable; and when you realize that the Bills’ current defense is loaded with old veterans who are going to be jettisoned over the next year or two for salary cap reasons and that another youth movement is in the offing, it’s hard to argue at all that Donahoe has any business sticking around.

(I’m still undecided about head coach Mike Mularkey. I was a big Mularkey backer until I learned that he’s the one making the offensive play calls, which means that throwing on first-and-goal from the three yard line is his idea, as his bungling of the “benching” of Eric Moulds — quotes there because Mularkey won’t even own up to benchind Moulds. Ugh.)

So, what’s left? Well, we’re into December, so I suppose I should examine the current NFL playoff picture versus my original predictions. Current leaders follow, with my picks in brackets afterwards:

AFC East: New England Stupid Patriots [StuPats]
AFC North: Cincinnati Bengals [Bengals]
AFC South: Indianapolis Colts [Colts]
AFC West: Denver Broncos [Chargers]
AFC Wildcards: Jacksonville Jaguars, San Diego Chargers [NY Jets, Pittsburgh Steelers]

NFC East: New York Giants [Philadelphia Eagles]
NFC North: Chicago Bears [Minnesota Vikings]
NFC South: Carolina Panthers [Atlanta Falcons]
NFC West: Seattle Seahawks [Arizona Cardinals]
NFC Wildcards: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Dallas Cowboys [Seahawks, Panthers]

Well…yeah, anyone new to this blog is probably going all buggy-eyed that I picked the Cardinals to win their division. Oops. In my defense, I figured that Dennis Green and Kurt Warner would be a really good combination. Again, oops.

Of the twelve teams I picked to make the playoffs, six actually would make the playoffs if the season ended today, with three more narrowly missing the playoff field. Of all my picks, only three — the Eagles, NY Jets, and Cardinals — are way off; and of those, I couldn’t have predicted the degree to which the Jets, a playoff team from last year, would be decimated by injuries, nor could I have predicted the complete chaos that would envelope the Eagles organization this year. Wow. So, I’m calling it a pretty decent year for prognostication, as of right now.

And my original prediction for the Bills — a 6-10 record — looks pretty safe, I’m sorry to say.

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Sentential Links #27

It’s only been two weeks, and yet it feels like a year since the last installment of “Sentential Links”. For those new to this blog, this is a series — usually appearing on Mondays — in which I throw up a grab-bag of links to posts on other blogs that I’ve found interesting, in the form of an excerpt no more than a sentence or two long. I’ve found it a fun way of linking stuff I’ve liked (and, more importantly, bloggers I’ve liked).

So here goes:

:: They are just obstacles or tools to her. She is too practical and selfish to care one way or another, except in how they cause her trouble or are useful to her. (This is in reference to Scarlett O’Hara. Lance Mannion’s been talking about Gone With the Wind a bit lately — see also here — and I note that I’ve never been bothered by the film’s racism. Sure, I’ve noticed it, because it’s so obvious, but I’ve always been fairly good at looking past the attitudes of earlier times. I just don’t like the movie because of what Lance says right here: Scarlett O’Hara is such a spoiled little brat. Seriously, I can’t stand her, and it always galls me that it takes three hours for Rhett Butler to realize that he doesn’t give a damn when I stopped giving a damn within five minutes of meeting Miss Scarlett.)

:: As discussed at length elsewhere, I still very much enjoy the oft-maligned current and past few seasons of ER. (Though I’ve given up on ER, as I noted back when, I’m still more well-versed on ER than I want to be, since The Wife still watches the show and I still end up catching bits of it while I’m trying to read or blog or do whatever while the show is on. John cites the Neela/Gallant union as a high point of recent ER seasons, and I’m inclined to agree, even if the show has had few high points recently, as far as I’m concerned. It amazes me that the obvious thing to do — have Gallant die in action in Iraq — hasn’t happened yet, and that is, admittedly, to the credit of the writers. Though they could still do it, and the show is still a shell of what it once was.)

:: Do orchestras play well enough? (That’s actually a header to a fascinating post. And read the follow-up here, in which Mr. Sandow gives a specific example of what he means about orchestras not playing well enough.

:: Q: What is the definition of an optimist? (Yes, you’re gonna groan when you click through and find out. But do it anyway.)

:: I’m all for economic development — even given gambling’s potential downside. But if it requires that New York citizens to give up their property by government edict, the game’s over. (For me, the game was over a long time ago. I just don’t see the economic upside to a Seneca casino, and to me the idea of taking yet more developable land off the tax rolls forever in downtown Buffalo makes about as much sense as building a new University out on some swampland in a distant suburb. But then, we already did that, so….)

:: Until I complete the work on my magic crystal ball `o truth, I’m going to have to oppose the death penalty, coupled with real life w/o parole reforms. (That about sums it up with me: you never know if you’ve got the right guy, and you can let the wrong guy out, but you can’t resuscitate the wrong guy once you’ve killed him. I wouldn’t cut them totally off from the outside world, though — I’d at least let them read books and newspapers, and maybe a TV if they can get any signal via rabbit ears. But that’s it. If I don’t get cable, neither do the convicted murderers. And broadband Internet? No way!)

:: You will be safe behind Rush’s rippling pecs. (My eyes! My eyes!)

:: Meanwhile Roger L. Simon thinks that cute-as-a-button Reese Witherspoon is “flat-out, hands-down the finest actress in American commercial cinema today” which I take to mean that Roger has been blowing some of that VC money on the good shit. (Ms. Witherspoon’s a fine actress, certainly. But the “finest in American commercial cinema today”?! Wow.)

:: Anyway, for those who are following along at home, The Thing in question is this one, also mentioned here and here but it is not this one and it’s definitely not that other one that I guess I forgot to write up. (Huh?!)

:: John Derbyshire: gay sex is a crime against nature, but if your girlfriend can drink legally, she’s past her prime. All righty then. (Yup, the Derb said it, all right: “It follows that we are at ease with the fact that the human female is visually attractive to the human male at, or shortly after, puberty, and for only a few brief years thereafter.” That guy is just flat-out loony. What a bizarre thing to believe. My own wife is more beautiful to me now than she was ten years ago, and she’s well past what The Derb seems to think is “attractive”. And come to think of it, of all the beautiful women in my life, not only are each and every one of them past 25, many of them are even past 30. And as a bonus, here’s another dumb thing I read by The Derb this week:

To my kids I should like to say: I am sorry to have brought you into this mess. There were no bells ringing, no bands playing, at either of your births, and it would have been a travesty if there had been. Even the wisest of us — people like your Dad, I mean — live in part by instinct, and there is no instinct stronger than the one that prompts us to continue the species; so here you are. I am sorry, sorry. There was the Greatest Generation. Then there was ours, the Luckiest. Yours will be the Saddest. Quite possibly — so far as this civilization is concerned, at any rate — it will be the Last. I shall continue to do my best for you as long as I can, but… après moi le Deluge.

Shorter Derb: “Boy, now that we’ve pissed in the pool, it sure does suck that our kids are gonna have to swim through that icky shade of yellow. Oh well. Good luck with that.”

Suck it, Derb.)

:: Not only is it quicker than trying to launch a brand-new operation, but it also offers an effective way to hurdle such entry barriers as acquiring technological know-how, establishing supplier relationships, becoming big enough to match rivals’ efficiency and unit costs, having to spend large sums on introductory advertising and promotions, and securing adequate distribution. (Make it stop!)

OK, that’s enough for this week. Some of these, by the way, come from blogs of folks who dropped by to offer their condolences and well-wishes in the comments here over the last week. I’ve bookmarked them all (I think, anyway — there were a lot of them) and I’m enjoying looking through them all.

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Sunday Monday Burst of Weirdness

For new readers, the Sunday Burst of Weirdness is a weekly series that doesn’t always appear on Sunday. Basically it’s just a small bit of linkage to something that is, well, weird.

One of my favorite ways of finding weird stuff is to Google the word “Cthulhu” and some other word, chosen totally randomly. Usually this results in nothing usable at all, but once in a while I find something great. There’s just something about Cthulhu that makes people want to do weird stuff with the concept.

And now, by pure chance, I find a case in point. That’s just…wrong.

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A Return

I suppose it’s time to make sure the plumbing still works around here and rip the plastic coverings off all the furniture. This blog has served me well in the nearly four years since I launched it. In future days I will probably have much more to say about Little Quinn, but for now, I feel like I should put something more “normal” in this space.

The world doesn’t stop for a single death, or even a hundred or a thousand of them. It just can’t. Around me I see mothers cradling newborns, or toddlers chasing after their fathers; I spent about twenty minutes on Friday afternoon — after the funeral — waiting in the line at the bank’s driveup window; and Target is still maddeningly clogged with people buying lots o’stuff. The world doesn’t stop, and neither should I.

Most of the extended family has returned to their respective homes: the in-laws, save my mother-in-law who’s remaining for a few days more, have gone back to northern Idaho (with my brother-in-law’s hometown apparently to be featured in a January episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition, which will be nice since the town’s previous claim to fame was when LA detective Mark Fuhrman bought a house there to get away from the bad press in the OJ Simpson case), and with my own sister having returned to her home in Colorado. It was wonderful to see everyone again. It’s too bad that so often, the family can only gather to celebrate the newest absence.

Anyhow, I’ve just uploaded a few new photos to Flickr. These are from Little Quinn’s funeral, which turned out to be an even more emotional affair than I had anticipated. He got quite the sendoff, though. I hope he heard the music, wherever it is that he’s hanging out now. I’m kind of hoping that wherever that may be, he’s tasting for the first time the special concoction that we had to pump into his stomach six times a day, and saying, “Ewwwwwwwww!”

And back to posting.

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Rites of Passage

NOTE: I’ve simplified the template a little in order to speed up the blog’s glacial load-time. I’ll probably leave it like this for a while. Individual posts may look a bit weird, owing to an HTML error I made but have since corrected, until I have a chance to republish the entire blog.

I figured it was time for a new post here, although I still won’t be ready for regular posting for a few more days (and, strangely enough, that’s more an artifact of all the people around us and our comings and goings than a lack of anything to say — my “blogging brain” has been quietly filing stuff away the last day or two, saying “Wow, I gotta post about that!”).

First, I’d like to publicly thank the members of the Buffalo Prefecture of Blogistan, a few of whom I actually met in person at Little Quinn’s viewing last night. I’m becoming more and more fond of Warren Ellis‘s contention that “the Internet is made of people”, and last night I met a few of the people who make up this strange but wonderful Internet thingie. I’d like to single out Jennifer, who took it on herself to be a coordinator of sorts for the Buffalo Prefecture of Blogistan’s response to Little Quinn’s death.

The viewing itself was a pretty surreal affair. One of our concerns was that Little Quinn wouldn’t look “right”, not because he’s dead but because when he was sleeping, his cerebral palsy resulted in him sleeping in fairly specific positions: his big tendency was to turn his head slightly to the right, and his mouth would take on this “crooked” little frown-thing. But somehow, the funeral people got that exactly right, and for quite a while last night I expected him to just suddenly stretch, like he often did while napping. Alas.

I also found myself trying to comfort others more than I myself needed to be comforted. That’s not to say I didn’t lose it a few times, because I did, but the balance between tears and smiles seems to finally be tipping the other way. After the viewing, we went out with The Wife’s family to a restaurant/sports bar near our home for a few drinks. That was a very nice time. The Daughter played foosball for the first time, I introduced my family members from Idaho to Yuengling’s, and the Sabres won in OT. That last one actually disappointed me a little, because I wanted to see one of this new-fangled “shootout” whatzits that are all the rage in hockey this year, but there’ll be other games.

Today is the funeral. I’m not really sure what to expect. I’m sure it will be, by turns, gut-wrenching and uplifting. Right now, though, I think I’m almost ready for the return to silence. It’s been a long week.

What follows is something I wrote that will be distributed as part of the bulletin for Little Quinn’s funeral.

He was fifteen months old, and he had only just started to find his voice, to reach for things that caught his eye, to lift his head and to hold my gaze. He was only starting to know our touch. He was only starting to know us…and then he was gone. And after forty-one days in the hospital when he was born, and nine more this summer when he had bronchitis, after being intubated so many times and after having two surgeries…for him to leave us as he did, in the shortest of moments and so quietly, has made me wonder if he was ever here at all. I sometimes wonder if we ever had a son, if Haley ever had a brother, or if it was all some dream that lasted too long and yet ended too soon.

But he was here. He was here, and he taught us more about what matters in life than we could have learned if we could somehow read all of the words of wisdom written in all the books in all the world. He taught us strength; he taught us which battles to fight; he taught us that, having chosen our battles, we should never yield in fighting them; he taught us true fear and true hope, true despair and true light, true anger and the truest love we have ever known.

And he did all that in fifteen months.

How strange it is that I, having spent all of my life in the company of teachers, would learn the most from this little baby who spent both too long and too short a time trapped in a body he could never quite bend to his will.

I know that Quinn was here after all, and not just in the things he taught me, but in the people he brought into our lives. It is tempting to imagine what things would have been like had he been born completely healthy. Right now he’d be a toddler, standing up, babbling instead of cooing, eating Cheerios with his hands instead of taking formula through a stomach tube. He would be doing all of those things, and we’d be cheering him on – but we wouldn’t know any of the nurses who have come into our home to care for him when we’ve been at work. We wouldn’t know any of the therapists who helped him to learn to roll or what it is to sit. We wouldn’t know the wonderful couple who took it on themselves to babysit a disabled infant when there was no one else. We wouldn’t know any of the people who have given so freely and lovingly of their time and talents to help a family desperate for time to heal. Friendships might still have been made, but perhaps not so deeply or strongly. Our lives have become filled with angels and saints, and like that star in the west two thousand years ago, Quinn showed us the way.

In the darkest of Quinn’s moments, when I have felt more alone and helpless than I thought anyone ever could, I would find myself wishing that none of it had ever happened. But then I turn, as I always have, to the books I have read or the movies I’ve seen, and I remember the words of two wizards. One, from a story about a hobbit and a gold ring, who said: “So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given us.” And the other, from a tale about a girl from Kansas who only wanted to go home: “A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.” By that measure, Quinn had the finest heart I have ever known, and I weep now not so much for myself, but for a world in which that heart is no longer beating.

And finally, I’m not sure if I ever mentioned this in the blog or not, but the one physical feature of Little Quinn’s that always received the most comment was, believe it or not, his eyelashes. I tried getting a good photo of them once, with somewhat mixed results, but his eyes sure came out wonderfully:

I’ve never been sure about my own religious beliefs, but I’d be dishonest if I didn’t note that I feel like those eyes are watching me now, and that I want so much to see them again one day.

UPDATE, 4 December 2005: For those arriving on this post as your initial visit to this blog, welcome aboard. The initial post on the death of Little Quinn can be found here. Also, on the main page, there is a section of the sidebar entitled “Notable Dispatches”, wherein can be found links to more posts about the life of Little Quinn and the struggles that he experienced in his short life.

And for regular readers, I plan to return to posting this week — perhaps as soon as Monday.

Thanks for reading.

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