Love, exciting and new….

This woman loves her husband:

Twenty-two years ago today, Mr. M-mv gave me an engagement ring. I was surprised about how and when he proposed, yes, but the idea of marriage? No surprises there. He had already told me that we would be getting married. He announced this about two weeks after our first date.

Silly boy.

So does this woman:

In our early days together his friends and family were all shaking their heads, figuring my man was going through some sort of middle age crazy to hook up with “that head-in-the clouds hippie girl” and my pals were wondering what in the world I was doing with some straight Republican cowboy with good manners when they knew me to generally have a strong preference for bad boys in leather on motorcycles who never called anyone Mame. Clearly, by most accounts, our being together made absolutely no sense.

But when I’m in the crook of this guy’s arm I feel like all the planets have lined up and the universe is smilin’ on my soul. After twenty five years of marriage we’ve learned to compromise and negotiate a plenty. Some of the differences have been quite humorous, and a few have caused frustration, disappointment or outrage. But through it all, there’s never been any question that our spirits were meant to fill each other up.

Ahhhh, l’amour!

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Answers! (Part Three)

More answers to recent questions posed by Persons Who Reade Thysse Blogge:

:: A couple of queries from Roger:

If you were to live anywhere else, where would you be? What are your favorite 5 or 10 cities?

Call me crazy, but I really like Upstate NY. So I’d be happy in Rochester, and I could probably even live happily in Syracuse. Longtime readers will recall that for a time we did live in Syracuse, from September ’02 until April ’03. I didn’t find that a long enough period living there to really form an impression of the place, but coming from Buffalo Syracuse felt…familiar, and small. Outside of “rush hour”, it’s possible to drive from one end of the Syracuse “metro area” to the other in less than twenty minutes.

Casting my net wider, I really love the entire Great Lakes region and the Upper Midwest. I could live happily in Chicago, Milwaukee, the Twin Cities (not Great Lakes cities, but on the cusp of the region). And if I had to live abroad, I’d be thrilled to dwell in Toronto.

As a kid we lived for a handful of years in Portland, OR, an area which I loved dearly at the time. However, it’s close to twenty-six years since I’ve been back there, so I don’t know. My parents used to comment on how it seemed to them that people in that region had some kind of inferiority complex, in that they’d always say things to my parents like, “Aren’t you glad you don’t live out east anymore?” But I don’t know if that’s really the way things are anymore. Having become used to the fact that living in Buffalo, we can take daytrips to so many cool places, I suspect the main problem I’d have with living in Portland again would be that in that part of the country, distances are so much greater, and it becomes a day trip just getting to someplace else. But again, I don’t know how much that would bother me. I do know that I’d dearly love to see Portland again, and visit some of the places I remember — the ones that are still there, anyway. And I’d love to walk the sands of Cannon Beach and gaze upon Haystack Rock again.

I guess I’d just like to be able to travel more.

Valentine’s Day: a wonderful opportunity to show love and affection or a capitalist ruse?

A bit of both, I suppose. We’re pretty low-key with it in our family (it helps that The Wife’s birthday is less than two weeks after Valentine’s).

(And here’s a small rant: it never bothers me much when stores put Christmas merchandise out on display in early October. But what does irritate me is how Valentines stuff starts showing up on December 21, and how they start rolling out the Easter shit on February 10. Who the hell buys Valentines candy eight weeks before Valentines, and then just keeps it around? Don’t retailers get that Valentines shopping is of the “Oh crap whatamIgonnagetforher!” variety?)

You know what is a friggin’ ruse, though? If you live outside of my part of the country, you may not have heard of Sweetest Day, which was cooked up by a bunch of candymakers decades ago. It’s celebrated almost exactly six months after Valentines Day. Every time Sweetest Day rolls around, I end up thinking of the fake greeting card-company created “Love Day” from The Simpsons.

What’s bigger, Wyoming or Colorado?

Colorado, by about sixteen thousand square kilometers. But Wyoming feels bigger, because it’s got a lot less stuff in it.

(“I thought I was dead once. Turns out I was in Nebraska.” – Little Bill from Unforgiven)

If you were forced to give up overalls, what would you wear, and would anyone have the faintest idea who you were?

Khakis, I guess. And shorts. I used to be the kind of guy who wears shorts year round, although in recent years my body’s thermostat has set itself to “pants in winter”. Oy.

I’d hope people would recognize me! People at work, by definition, rarely see me outside of work, so I suspect I’d look stranger to them in overalls than anything else. If I were to cut the hair, though — and maybe even shave — then I’d be well-night unrecognizable. I look at photos of my former short-haired, clean-shaven self, and I think, “Jee-bus, I looked like an idiot.”

(Oddly, I don’t like regular old blue jeans, and I almost never wear them. I only own two pair. I’ve never found jeans all that comfortable.)

:: Belladonna also had more than one query:

What piece of writing are you most proud of and why?

The obvious answer is my “Twelve Presidents” story that won the Buffalo News contest a few weeks back, but I’m just not sure. There are a number of stories sitting on my hard drive that haven’t appeared anywhere of which I am very fond; I suppose both of those will end up in this space at some point. And The Promised King is the largest-scale thing I’ve done (using a fairly broad definition of “done”, of course, since it’s not done).

“Graveyard Waltz” is special to me because it’s the first story I ever submitted for publication. It was rejected, of course, but the rejection slip — my first ever — at least garnered a brief hand-written note from that particular editor, scrawled in the corner of the form letter. That first rejection slip didn’t feel bad at all; in fact, it felt kind of good in a weird way, because it meant that I was in the game. Kind of like the young pitcher who gets his first start in the Majors. Sure, he gives up eight earned runs in two innings and gets yanked as soon as he walks the first two batters in the third, but hey, he’s in the Majors.

And there are lots of posts here of which I am quite proud, and it’s on the behalf of those posts that I’m always a little frustrated that my traffic here so stubbornly remains exactly where it’s been for so long now. A representative example here would be “Diary of a Ring”. That post was a lot of fun to write, and yet it came and went with little notice at the time. Alas.

If you could meet any one person, living or dead, who would it be?

The most obvious answer here is Jesus, but since I’m all about eschewing the obvious, I would have loved to spend an evening talking music with Leonard Bernstein.

More answers to come. I think I’m almost done.

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Sentential Links #88

With this installment, there is one Sentential Links post for every key on a standard piano. (But I’ve got four more to go for one of those extended bass Bosendorfers.)

:: As I think I mentioned here before, I firmly and irrevocably, and with no irony or insincerity of any kind, believe that Kermit the Frog’s rendition of “Bein’ Green” is one of the greatest vocal performances of the 20th Century.

:: For years homeschooled children have had to rely for all of their information on Wikipedia, which is full of dangerous ideas that homeschooling was supposed to prevent from seeping into the home.

:: Am I the only person who really believes in the Matt/Harriet relationship? (Probably. I think they’re the worst couple since Lea Thompson and Howard the Duck.)

:: W. H. Auden’s 100th birthday is this week.

:: As the Oscars came to a close Sunday night, my immediate two reactions were “well, they got it just about right” and “man, those dancers, while admirably flexible, were just kinda creepy.”

:: It’s the Superbowl of entertainment except when your favorite team wins there’s a big parade in your city, when your favorite movie wins there’s a big party you’re not invited to.

:: Had an aggressive glioblastoma not gobbled his brain in 1991, the late Republican political strategist Lee Atwater would have turned 56 today.

:: However, there are ways to adapt or revive clams even after they start to smell. Ways to extend their usefulness.

:: Watching Joe Quesada and Mark Millar destroy the Marvel universe has been no fun at all. (I haven’t read any of this “Civil War” thing, but I also haven’t read anything positive about it.)

:: “Speaking of rape, let’s discuss your possible boyfriends.” (Yeah, what an awful moment that was….)

More next week.

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Malazan

A few days ago I finished Gardens of the Moon by Steven Erikson, which is the first book in the fantasy mega-series The Malazan Book of the Fallen. I can’t say I loved the book, but I found it highly compelling, and I definitely plan to continue reading the series. Just not for a while.

This is epic fantasy, no doubt about it. Boy howdy, is this book epic. The sense of scale in this book is, to my way of thinking, even more vast than in George R. R. Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire. In fact, Erikson has given himself a canvas here that is so big that for much of the book, I barely knew what was going on.

So a word of warning: if you like moral clarity in your fantasy, with heroes fighting against all odds against the Horrible and Magical Villain who is firmly ensconced in the Giant Granite And Iron Citadel that squats at the exact center of the blasted region where nothing grows that he has called his own, don’t bother with Gardens of the Moon. This ain’t that kind of fantasy.

But if you have at least some taste for following characters without knowing just who the good guys are, or if you like not knowing if the 700-page volume you’re reading even has “good guys” in any general sense of the term, then Gardens is for you.

There also isn’t much plot here, in the traditional sense; the book follows a more “situational” path. There’s a continent called Genabackis, which is the subject of a military conquest campaign by the Malazan Empire, and the book follows the exploits of a fairly large cast of characters as they react to events shaped by the Malazan invasion. Some of the characters are military officers, some are soldiers, some are mages, some are assassins, some are thieves, some are unclassifiable, and some are gods.

I mentioned last week that Gardens of the Moon contains almost nothing by way of the traditional infodump, which only serves to heighten the reader’s sense of being at sea here. There really is no place in the book where anyone sits down to give a lengthy precis of the history involved, so the reader has to be pretty attentive. In the short run, this makes the book rather hard to follow as the lack of a “big picture” hampers things a bit. But in the long run, as the various details that are handed out piecemeal throughout the narrative begin to fall into place, the tale becomes quite a bit more satisfying.

(My understanding is that Gardens is something of a stand-alone novel.)

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Sunday Burst of Weirdness

Can there be any doubt? By far the biggest Weird Thing to cross my radar screen this week as Conservapedia. Nothing else even came close, and nothing else to date has so perfectly illustrated for me the tendency of much of the Right in this country to wall itself off from reality in as complete a way as possible. People who think this is a good idea truly live in a dream world.

UPDATE: From their entry on the Moon:

Throughout man’s existence, the Moon has had the same size as the Sun when viewed from Earth. This creates a beautiful symmetry and permits phenomenal eclipses to occur. The odds of that symmetry occurring by chance are too small to be considered possible. That symmetry will not last forever.

There is no plausible non-creation theory of origin for the Moon at this time.

Our solar system is one of the few that has only one sun. Only one sun and only one moon: this uniqueness may reflect the existence of only one God.

On unicorns:

The existence of unicorns is controversial. Secular opinion is that they are mythical. However, they are referred to in the Bible nine times,[1] which provides an unimpeachable de facto argument for their once having been in existence.

And compare the Conservapedia entry on algebra to the Wikipedia entry on the same topic. One of these contains interesting and helpful information, with sources; the other reads like Coach from Cheers when he had to learn facts about Albania for a night class:

Albania!
Albania!
You border on the Adriatic!
Your land is mostly mountainous,
and your chief export is coal!

(to the tune of “When the Saints Go Marching In”)

What an absolute joke.

UPDATE II: God, I can’t stop. From their entry on Albert Einstein:

Nothing useful has even been built based on the theory of relativity. Only one Nobel Prize (in 1993 and not to Einstein) has ever been given that even remotely relates to the theory of relativity. Many things predicted by the theory of relativity, such as gravitons, have never been found despite much searching for them. Many observed phenomenon, such as the bending of light passing near the sun or the advance of the perihelion in the orbit of Mercury, can be also predicted by Newton’s theory.

(I suppose I should note that the nature of a wiki-based site like this means that the text of entries can change, and that therefore some of the quotes above may in time disappear from the linked entries. I could go to the trouble of creating screen shots, but I hope you’ll all take my word for it. I’m just cutting and pasting.)

UPDATE III: On second thought, here are screenshots of the current state of the articles linked above:

Read ’em and weep.

UPDATE IV: Ach, wouldn’t you know it. All these years, and I’ve had Coach’s “Albania” song in my head wrong. The chief export isn’t coal, but chrome. Watch the clip here.

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Squash!

I think I can say with a high degree of confidence that I ate better than you did last night, thanks to The Wife’s cooking of a new recipe.

I am now well on my way to becoming a big fan of squash. I never cared much for them until about a year ago.

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Will the ghost of Farley come back and eat them all?

Time for a potentially embarrassing admission: I’ve been a sporadic reader of the comic strip For Better or For Worse for years now. Used to be I’d read it faithfully for a while, then stop for a while, then pick it up again, stop again, and so on. This pattern started when I was in college. I’ve been reading the thing on a daily basis now for the last year or two, and man, now that Lynn’s announced that the strip will end sometime next year, is it ever starting to suck. She’s clearly getting all her characters in line for their happily-ever-afters, and it’s getting nauseating:

“Oh no! Elizabeth just got attacked on the job by a creepy guy!”

“But look! Anthony, the guy who’s been in love with her since she was six, just showed up to beat the crap out of him!”

“Oh no! Michael’s apartment just burned to a crisp!”

“But look! He saved his laptop with his book manuscript!”

“Oh no! Michael has to move with his family back in with his parents!”

“But look! Michael’s just got a $25,000 advance for his next book!”

“Oh no! Elizabeth just got dumped by the guy she basically treated like crap!”

“But look! That guy who’s been in love with her since she was six is single again!”

“Oh no! Michael’s been told by his boss to fire some people at work!”

“But look! Michael’s taking a moral stand by resigning himself!”

“Oh no! Michael has just deprived his family of his income!”

“But look! His wife will pick up the slack by returning to her own high-income career!”

Why do I get the feeling that FBoFW is going to spend the rest of its run tracking its characters as they repeatedly step into buckets of shit and come out smelling like a bed of roses?

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Answers! (Part Two)

Here we go with the second bout of answers for Ask Me Anything! version 2.0….

:: Starting with something Star Wars, Simon asks:

While I, too, will rally to the defense of the Prequel trilogy, who would have been better suited to write dialogue for the scripts so that they didn’t sound like a smarmy high school drama class production?

Unsurprisingly, I don’t grant Simon’s premise; I never found the dialogue in the Prequel trilogy all that bad. It’s true that Anakin sounded like a smarmy high-school drama kid, but I always figured that was intentional, since he is a smarmy high-school drama kid. I particularly note how most of the really really awful lines, if not all of them, are given to him. I don’t think George Lucas ever intended anyone to take his “I don’t like sand” pickup line as anything other than a terribly awkward attempt by a very immature kid to impress a girl some years his senior.

And there are good lines scattered all through the Prequel Trilogy, especially in Revenge of the Sith. So for punching-up of the dialogue, I’d have maybe brought in Frank Darabont, or brought back Lawrence Kasdan. It’s tempting to say Joss Whedon, but I don’t think the tone he tends to achieve in his scripts would have worked terribly well with Star Wars.

:: Roger asks:

Presidents’ Day is coming. Who are the five best and the five worst Presidents?

Well, Presidents’ Day is over, but anyway, briefly, here’s how I’d rank them.

The best, in order of their service:

1. George Washington
2. Thomas Jefferson
3. Abraham Lincoln
4. FDR
5. Harry Truman

and the worst, also in order of their service:

1. James Buchanan
2. Richard Nixon
3. Jimmy Carter
4. Ronald Reagan
5. George W. Bush

Honorable mentions to Thomas Whitmore, Josiah Bartlet, and David Palmer.

:: Belladonna asks:

What was your favorite toy during childhood?

Hmmmm. You know, that is really a hard one. I mean, that one is really hard. The few Star Wars action figures I owned were favorites, of course. I had a couple of remote-control cars that I remember fondly, and a small chemistry set that was quite a bit of fun. I never did much with Hotwheels or similar toy cars. The best bath toy I ever had was a wooden boat with a paddle-wheel that was driven by a rubber band; you rotated the paddle-wheel manually to tighten the band, and then you released the boat in the water, whereupon the rubber band unwound and made the paddle-wheel spin. That thing was cool.

There was also the model railroad set-up that we started building, but never much got beyond the construction of the table and the layout of the track itself. We never decorated the thing, which I look back on as one of the bigger missed opportunities of childhood. To this day, I find something magical about a good model railroad layout.

This is weird! I’ve never thought about it much, but I really don’t remember too many of my toys at all. The books, though — now those, I remember well.

(And you want to know what’s really freaky? I was just thinking of the old handheld electronic game “Merlin”, which I liked a lot, and just minutes later, on My Name is Earl, Earl and Randy visit their childhood bedroom whereupon Randy picks up his old Merlin and says that he’s been practicing his Tic-Tac-Toe! That kind of thing always spooks me out. Whhhoooaaaaa….)

:: She also asks:

How do you determine what is private and what you are willing to publicly disclose on our blog?

Well, one easy rule is the “Would The Wife kick my ass if I posted this publicly?” policy, which is always a good one to follow. I also try to generally avoid posting too much about The Daughter, because her life is her own. And of course I resolutely never post about work.

I pretty much go on a case-by-case basis on these sorts of things, and there are many things about my life that never show up here. That’s not to say many of those things never will show up in this space; I’ve got a number of proto-posts stashed away that I started writing and later decided against posting, and there are other things in my life that I don’t post about directly but toward which I allude vaguely around here sometimes, mainly so readers may see those things and go, “Hmmmmm….”, or maybe, “Huh-whuh?!”

More to come over the next few days!

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Thirteen Opening Lines

(Updated below, and updated again.)

Here are thirteen first lines of spoken dialogue from some movies I like a lot. Try and guess the titles.

1. “Whenever I get gloomy about the state of the world, I think of the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport.”

2. “Echo Three to Echo Seven! Han old buddy, do you read me?”

3. “I’ve been saying for years, sir, that our special equipment was obsolete; and now, computer analysis reveals an entirely new approach: Miniaturization.”

4. “With the coming of the Second World War, many eyes in imprisoned Europe turned hopefully, or desperately, toward the freedom of the Americas.”

5. “The poison is still fresh, three days. The Hovitos are near.”

6. “I’m just going to get some flowers, dear. I’ll be back in twenty minutes. It’s tulip season today. I’m so happy.”

7. “Liberty’s moving.”

8. “Sixty knots? No way, Barnes.”

9. “In ancient times, the land lay covered in forests, where, from ages long past, dwelt the spirits of the gods.”

10. “I don’t feel anything.”

11. “The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the Earth. I smell it in the air.”

12. “T minus six zero three and holding, laser positive, latch compressors.”

13. “Freddy, go and find a cab.”

Guess. I dare you. Heh!

UPDATE 2-24-07: As of this morning, Nos. 6, 9, 10, 12, and 13 remain unidentified. Answers will be posted tomorrow morning.

UPDATE II 2-25-07: Below are the answers, in pseudo-invisitext, so you’ll have to highlight them to read them (unless you’ve got great eyes).


1. Love, Actually
2. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
3. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
4. Casablanca
5. Raiders of the Lost Ark
6. As Good As It Gets
7. The American President
8. The Abyss
9. Princess Mononoke (English dub)
10. Say Anything
11. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
12. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: Across the Eighth Dimension
13. My Fair Lady

And there you go.

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Brief Political Notes

A few political items I’m thinking about:

:: When regular surveys show that shockingly-low percentages of Americans know things like when the Civil War was fought and who the Presidents enshrined on Mount Rushmore are, why should we care about a poll in which Americans rank the Presidents?

:: Richard Mellon Scaife is pining for the Clinton days? Really? Wow.

:: I didn’t watch the right-wing version of The Daily Show, and nor do I intend to, but I’m hearing pretty universally that it isn’t funny (unless you’re the type of person who found Rush Limbaugh’s godawful TV show back in the day funny). A professional comedy writer explains why it’s not funny:

I hate to keep explaining this, but if it seems like the Republicans have been suffering the comedic brunt for the last six years, this is because they have been in power, and comedy’s job is to kick power in the junk.

More revealing is the idea of using “talking points” in a comedy show. This is obviously someone who’s never worked a real comedy writer’s room. For topical runs, you start with “okay, what happened today,” and you look at everything. Everything. This is because comedy has maybe a 10% success rate on the pitch, and that’s just for joke-like objects, never mind actual functioning funny jokes. To fill a show with a couple dozen funny jokes, you don’t have the time or luxury to stick to talking points. You need to find the funny. Unless you’re not worrying about funny — in which case, you get the 1/2 Hour News Hour.

:: By pure chance, I saw that one ugly term being bandied about in reference to Islamic persons is “Muzzie”. Jee-bus, there are some messed-up people in this country.

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