Candyland? Again???

Patrick Rothfuss on the game Candyland:

He’s bored because the game is tedious. And it’s tedious because there is no skill involved. You draw a card, you look at a card, you match a color, you move your piece.

Games that involve no skill are not good games.

Yesterday, after months of not playing, we brought out the game again and took another crack at it. Because he wanted to, and he asked nicely. And I can deal with some tedium if it makes him happy.

But we changed the game a little bit. We added a house rule where you drew two cards and got to pick which one you wanted.

With this small change, Candy Land became an actual game.

Sure there was still a huge random element to it, but now there was some skill as well. You had to make decisions.

Oh, why the hell didn’t I ever think of that?

You see, the problem with Candyland is that, aside from shuffling the cards, there is no random element to it at all.

It’s a “start here and first one to get there wins” game. But instead of rolling a die or spinning a spinner, you draw cards. The cards have colors on them, and the game board is a path laid out in blocks the same colors as are on the cards. So if you draw a red card, you advance your piece to the next red square. There are a couple “double” cards, which move you forward two squares of that color. And there are a couple of spaces where you lose your turn.

The problem is that once you shuffle the deck and start game play, literally all you are doing is playing out the sequence of cards. There are no choices to make, no element of chance whatsoever. Your route through the game board is already determined, and all you’re doing is unveiling it, one card at a time. It may seem like there’s chance involved, but that’s an illusion, simply because you don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s like seeing a movie: you may have no idea at all what the story is, but there is exactly one scene that can be happening at, say, the fifty-five minute mark. It’s the same thing in Candyland. The only way for the game to include an element of chance is for the first arrangement of the deck to line up in such a way that it doesn’t bring any of the players to the end, in which case you have to reshuffle. But that’s it: as soon as you start drawing cards again, you’re right back to simply playing out a drama.

But here, Mr. Rothfuss has made one teeny-tiny change that introduces a whole new element to the game. It might have actually been fun, as such.

Damn. I wish I’d thought of that.

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Bite me, Millard Fillmore!

I love Sporcle, and I’m always drawn like a moth to flame to the quizzes about the US Presidents. Even though my brain is apparently wired in such a way as to be utterly unable to retain the piece of information that we had a President named Millard Fillmore, who is somehow always an answer on these quizzes, and who is always one of the couple of Presidential names I’m desperately trying to coax from my gray matter as the quiz expires. Case in point. Stupid Millard Fillmore!

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MarioKart!

Turn turn turn turn turn turn TURN!!!

So, we picked up Mario Kart a while back. This is, as the title makes clear, is one of the Mario franchise games. It’s a go-kart/race track game, in which you pick your character and your vehicle and navigate at breakneck speeds through various courses that have lots of obstacles.

Of course, this being Mario, you’re pitted against all manner of obstructions: walking bombs, yawning precipices over molten lava, enormous caterpillars that wander back and forth across the path you’re driving, and so on. Sometimes you’re driving on a raceway; other times you’re driving on normal roads that are populated by other cars. There are races on ice, and there’s a maddening race on a narrow track that orbits the Earth. (Go off the road on that one, and you burn up on re-entry. Wheeeee!!!)

Mario Kart is an occasionally maddening game to play. There are ways to pick up items that help you out throughout the game; some of these give you speed bursts, while others are weapons you deploy to slow down the other drivers. The other drivers, though, get to pick up the same kinds of weapons, and sometimes sheer bad luck can convert a first-place running into limping into the finish in 11th place (out of 12). The most maddening ones are when you’re hit with multiple objects, right after the other, so you can’t even get yourself started again before you’re hit.

But like the other Mario game with which I’m deeply familiar, Super Mario Bros., this one is designed for maximum addictiveness. The races are no more than three or four minutes long, with four races being grouped into a “cup”, so there is constant temptation for “just one more race and then I’ll go do some writing, really, I totally promise.” Especially when certain courses prove to be so difficult that all you want to do is come in first, just once! (I have yet to win Wario’s Gold Mine, for example. That one drives me batty.)

The game’s visual invention is amazing. Not just the landscapes, but there are humorous touches all over. I especially love all the little cameo appearances by people, creatures, or other items from Super Mario, like the giant cast-iron ball of teeth that barks like a dog, or the ghosts that jeer at you, or Bowser himself. And there are lots of small jokes in the backgrounds, such as in the race through Coconut Mall, where at one point you have to contend with cars being driven by whichever Mii’s you have created for your system.

I’d write more, but…I need to go play some Mario Kart!

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Eleven!

So The Daughter turned eleven yesterday. Which meant that I got to embarrass her all day by pointing out things like, “Hey, eleven years ago today, I had to change your first diaper! I saw the first poo you ever made!” Happiness is, truly, torturing your own kids.

There were presents, obviously; the main one was that we took her to Best Buy and let her pick out the Wii game of her choice. After a few false-starts, she settled on Mario Kart, which turns out to be an utter blast. I haven’t played it all that much myself yet, but just wait. Oh yes.

What’s funny about the Mario games is their obvious Japanese sensibility. What I mean by this is the way they blend humor with addictively cartoonish sadism. I mean, in Mario Kart, you can take on the persona of a cute little princess, stick her in a rocket-powered go-kart, and drive her off cliffs repeatedly to her doom, all the while laughing at her cartoonish squeals of “AIEEE!!!” And since one can choose which vehicle to put her in, one can even do this in a rocket-powered baby stroller.

All this makes me think that the Mario games are the videogame equivalent of being on a Japanese game show.

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