Today was the something-somethingth running of the Kentucky Derby, a sporting event that seems so civilized even though it involves guys getting on the backs of four-legged animals and then whipping their arses until they run really fast in a big circle. But anyway, I’ve always thought the names given to racehorses are kind of odd. I mean, who names their pet cat or dog “Animal Kingdom”, “Super Saver”, “War Emblem”, or any other multiple-word name? I’ve never understood this, but I was inspired to go on Twitter and rattle off a bunch of racehorse names I’d like to see.
Wants To Kill You
Slept With Your Mom
Owns A Burmese Sweatshop
You Killed My Father Prepare To Die
Han Shot First
Pooped In Your Backyard
iPhone Users Are Losers
Kirk Kicks Picard’s Ass
Spittle-Beflecked Rapscallion
Dreams Of Trampling Puppies
Begin The Zombie Uprising
Who Controls The British Crown
That Old Sumbitch
Beans Beans The Musical Fruit
Nathan Fillion Kicks Ass
My Jockey is A Drunken Thief
Amanda Hugginkiss
This Underwear Chafes My Backside
Bob Barker Says Spay Your Pets
Everything Is Better With A Bag Of Weed
And last but not least:
Only Dorks Wear Overalls
Not to rain on your parade, but none of those names except "Han Shot First" would be accepted…because the Jockey Club limits names to 18 letters and spaces. "Sumbitch" would be disqualified because of profanity.
I thought the winner, Animal Kingdom, has a pretty interesting name, myself. They probably call him "King" or something similar around the barn.
Yes, I am a horse-racing geek. Why do you ask?
Yeah, I figured. I hope we're not assuming I meant any of these seriously.
I'm glad that Bonnie commented first because now I am more informed. you should do a follow up with shortened names. 🙂
Well, the joke's pretty much dead already….