A Very Public Service Message

Hey folks, I’ve mentioned this before on some previous Halloween’s, but I think it bears repeating. I write from my experience as a one-time employee of one of our nation’s many fine pizza-serving and delivering establishments. Basically, tonight’s Halloween, so you might consider refraining from ordering a pizza for delivery this evening. Why?

For one thing, since there are tons of kids about on the streets, with many of those dressed in dark clothing, many pizza delivery places will be quoting abnormally long delivery times, both because business might be up and because they may well be instructing their drivers to take as long as they need to deliver. Halloween is NOT the night to order a pizza and expect quick service. Believe me.

Secondly, if your household is not observing Halloween and will therefore be leaving all of your outside lighting off in order to dissuade trick-or-treaters, please oh please don’t order a pizza for delivery. Delivering pizzas at night isn’t rocket science, but it’s not ridiculously easy, either, and running deliveries on Halloween is actually pretty stressful when you’re trying to watch out for kids and figure out what house to go to. And if your lights are off, it makes your house even harder to find.

If you still feel that you just must order a pizza for delivery, despite the above, then at the very least, have some sympathy for the driver and increase your tip accordingly. Or just give him a tip at all, for you cheap jerks out there.

Or, you could just go get a pizza yourself, showing up early at the pizza place so you can eat before going out trick-or-treating or whatever. But if you do that, remember, you’re not the only person thinking along those lines; the pizza place will likely be getting an abnormally large number of orders significantly earlier than usual, which will have the expected slowing effect on service.

So, if pizza is on the menu tonight, adjust your service expectations accordingly and don’t be jerks. Or, just make it yourself!

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Sentential Links #267

Linkage begins…NOW!

:: It has just been discovered that we are down to our last TWO gummy bears. I have released every creature at the cave from their regular duties until the gummy bear deficit can be rectified. (Sorry, but ewwww! Not a fan of Gummi anything.)

:: This was the moment I knew I was in for something good… that a jack o’lantern, the orange letters, and the ominous piano music alone could make me expectant and apprehensive.

Damn, this is a good flick.

:: It’s hard to vomit gracefully. For one, there’s the noise — the vocal wretching followed by that wet slap. There’s also the undignified sprint to the toilet or sink or unattended fedora. There’s the whole Jackson Pollock-y result of it all. There’s the fact that vomiting serves as both an announcement of both everything you’ve eaten in the recent past (“You should chew your Goldfish crackers more thoroughly!”) as well as how bad your insides smell.

:: Yesterday I spent a few hours finding shelf space for recent acquisitions, and for the seven-hundred-forty-third time in the last decade, I made a promise designed to be broken: I will not buy another book until I have read all that own. (Just reading that gives me a serious case of shivers.)

:: I don’t care for the Monster’s bald look and De Niro’s performance makes me pity the Monster more than relate to him (and relating to the Monster is one of my favorite things to do in a good Frankenstein movie), but he does deliver a chilling interpretation of my favorite line from the novel: “I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.” (Michael May has been doing “31 Days of Frankenstein” this month; here he discusses Kenneth Branagh’s Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, a movie which I liked more than its general critical reception. Now, I tend to not be terribly squeamish, but the scene where Dr. Frankenstein pays a midwife for a bucket of, well, used amniotic fluid made me go “Oooogg….”)

:: Well, we do have to have standards. I mean, we can’t all be Snooki. (I don’t even know who or what ‘Snooki’ is. A person? A band? A muppet? A secret paramilitary organization? Dunno.)

All for this week!

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Bills 23, Redskins 0

The Buffalo Bills returned to the field today, for their annual regular season game in Toronto. Their opponent was the Washington Redskins. General reaction to the games in Toronto has ranged from “Well, OK, if it helps the team make enough money to stay here” — at best — to “This is a giant bowl of suck”, at worst. This was the Bills’ fourth appearance in Toronto in the regular season, and they went into today’s game looking for their first win up there.

Toronto, being an enormous city, is not really seen as embracing the Bills, and the crowds at the Rogers Centre (the stadium originally known as Skydome) are usually either really quiet or they’ve openly rooted for the other team. There’s been a lot of comment on why this may be, but after hearing today’s crowd actually being fairly loud as the game went on, I’m wondering if the most important factor in the Canadian crowd not really warming to the Bills was that the Bills in those games were dull, boring, and crappy teams. I know that I don’t do a lot of cheering for crappy teams.

But today the Bills were pretty dominant, and the score frankly could have been even more lopsided than the final 23-0. The offense sputtered at times, but for the most part looked pretty good; Fred Jackson, as usual, showed up playing as though somebody had said something mean about his mother. Ryan Fitzpatrick — fresh off a big contract extension — was his usual self: mostly accurate with a couple of bad throws. The offensive line, which is banged up right now with one starter out and his backup out, generally provided excellent blocking.

The real story today, though, was the defense, which has been giving up lots of points and yards, and which hasn’t been generating any pass rush. Until today, when they sacked Washington quarterback John Beck nine times, and handed Washington coach Mike Shanahan the first shutout of his entire NFL career. I’ve never been a big fan of Shanahan’s; I think that a lot of his reputation rests upon his first two seasons with the Broncos, when he won the Super Bowl both years, with a pretty good defense, a Hall-of-Fame quarterback in John Elway, and a running back in Terrell Davis whom I think was on his own way to being one of the greatest running backs of all time until his career ended due to injury a couple of years later.

So the Bills are now 5-2, heading into a big match-up with the Jets next week. Go Bills!

A few other football notes:

::  The Steelers knocked off the Patriots. Any time the Pats lose is a good day.

::  The Dolphins are making me increasingly nervous. Come on, Fins! Get some victories, and lose out on the Draw of the Luck!

::  I hate to go all Gregg Easterbrook, but the Football Gods certainly seem to have exacted penance from the Saints for their 62-point game against the Colts last week by having them lose to the lowly Rams. (Who are now behind the Dolphins for the Draw of the Luck.)

::  I find Tim Tebow’s constant public praying obnoxious. I just do. Sue me.

That’s about it. Go Bills — beat the Jets!

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Sunday Burst of Weird and Awesome!!!

Oddities and Awesome abound! And since it’s Halloween, these are all associated with…Halloween. Huzzah!

::  First of all…well, I can’t even come up with a lead-in to do this personal ad (I assume from Craigslist) justice.

(Seen on Tumblr).

::  If you were cognizant of reality during the 1980s and early 1990s, you recall Gary Larson’s comic strip The Far Side. Which wasn’t even really a ‘strip’ per se, since it was almost always a single panel of surreal, occasionally twisted, and sporadically incomprehensible humor. Well, apparently in 1994 there was actually an animated Far Side teevee special that aired a single time, not to be seen again except on a DVD that was markedly different from the broadcast version. I had no idea that the show existed until last night, when I saw it mentioned on MeFi. Details, with links to actually download the thing, here. I haven’t watched it yet. You bet I will, though!

::  The other night on Twitter, one trending topic was “Rejected Peanuts Specials”. Here are a few that I thought were pretty funny:

You’re a horcrux, Charlie Brown

It’s the Great Depression, Charlie Brown

Republicans fired your teacher, Charlie Brown

Snoopy Didin’t Really Go To Live On A Farm, Charlie Brown

The World Is Run By Jews, Charlie Brown

And so we beat on, boats against the current borne ceaselessly back into the past, Charlie Brown

They’re Burning a Cross On Franklin’s Lawn Again, Charlie Brown

It’s an Intervention, Charlie Brown

Your Teacher’s Voice is Going to Keep Sounding Like a Muted Trumpet Until You Quit the Shrooms, Charlie Brown

The Difference in Size Between Your Enormous Head and Tiny Body Will Lead to Orthopaedic Problems, Charlie Brown

It’s A Good Thing You Never Grow Up Because Corporations Gutted Our Economy and Left Us Jobless, Charlie Brown

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Charlie Brown

It’s Chinatown, Charlie Brown

Put the Lotion in the Basket, Charlie Brown

And of course, I had to submit a few of my own….

Meet Scott Norwood, Charlie Brown!

Blood Spatter and GSR at the Van Pelts’ — CSI: Charlie Brown

Here’s Your Red Shirt, Ensign Brown! A Peanuts/Star Trek Crossover

I like the CSI: Charlie Brown notion, personally…I can totally see David Caruso in that.

“Quite the murder scene, Horatio.”

“Yes, Frank. Six victims. All children with enormous heads. One of them, a girl, holding a football.”

“Hey, H!”

“Yes, Eric?”

“Look at these little footprints all over. Almost like a little bird was flitting around the crime scene.”

“Could be, Eric. And the bodies seem to have been riddled with…ammunition from a World War I biplane. Hey Calleigh? Take this green blanket down to the lab. There might be DNA on that.”

“Sure, Horatio. I can’t believe this crime scene. Do you think the killer is somewhere nearby?”

“I do, and when we find him, he’s gonna say, [puts on sunglasses] ‘Good Grief’.”

[Smash cut to ROGER DALTREY SCREAM and opening credits]

More next week!

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If only Shakespeare had written about exploding spaceships….

I’ll be taking a bit of a break from reading space opera, since I may well have OD’d on the genre over the last few months. Here are notes on the most recent books of explodey-spaceshippy goodness that I’ve read.

:: Thumbing through my increasingly-bulky space opera collection, I found a book called Legends of Santiago by Mike Resnick. I know just by looking at the book that it’s something I bought from the Science Fiction Book Club, during one of my various periods of membership, but I have no recollection of actually doing so, which leads me to believe it’s one of those books I ended up with because I forgot to send in that stupid reply card. Obviously I opened the box when it showed up and decided to keep it, because it’s space opera.

Legends of Santiago is actually an omnibus containing two novels by Resnick, Santiago and The Return of Santiago. I only read the first, opting to save the other for a later time if I liked the first book. The short verdict? Next time I decide to have a space opera binge, The Return of Santiago will be near the top of the list.

Santiago (apparently subtitled A Myth of the Far Future in other editions, but not in mine) tells the story of a bounty hunter named Sebastian Cain, at some indeterminate point in the future when much of the Galaxy has been colonized and humans have created a wide-ranging interstellar government called “the Democracy”. In meeting with a fellow bounty hunter, Cain receives an interesting tidbit of information that could possibly lead him to the whereabouts of the most wanted outlaw in the entire galaxy, a mysterious figure known only as…Santiago.

Cain sets out after Santiago, pretty much for no other reason than the fact that Santiago represents the greatest single challenge possible to a person in his line of work. Along the way he meets other criminals, joining some and running afoul of others, and in some cases both joining and running afoul of them, as he slowly closes in on his goal.

Santiago is written rather like a space Western, and is told almost entirely from the point of view of various outlaw characters. The general feel of the book is – and I mean this as high praise – similar to that of Firefly, to cite the current reigning champion of space westerns. The main device of having everybody chasing after a particular Maguffin is executed by Resnick to perfection; Resnick sets the stage by establishing Santiago’s legend in the book’s prologue. Here’s how that starts:

They say his father was a comet and his mother a cosmic wind, that he juggles planets as if they were feathers and wrestles with black holes just to work up an appetite. They say he never sleeps, and that his eyes burn brighter than a nva, and that his shout can level mountains.

They call him Santiago.

*

Far out on the Galactic Rim, at the very edge of the Outer Frontier, there is a world called Silverblue. It is a water world, with just a handful of islands dotting the placid ocean that overs its surface. If you stand on the very largest island and look into the night sky, you can see almost all fo the Milky Way, a huge twinkling river of stars that seems to flow through half the universe.

And if you stand on the western shore of an island during the daytime, with your back to the water, you will see a grass-covered knoll. Atop the knoll are seventeen white crosses, each bearing the name of a good man or woman who thought to colonize this gentle world.

And beneath each name is the same legend, repeated seventeen times:

Killed by Santiago.

I don’t know how you stop reading a book that starts like that.

Resnick’s creation of a criminal subculture is the best part of the book; he even gives the outlaws of the Galaxy their very own historian who is collecting their adventures into an epic poem. As the book went on, I started to figure that there were two major possibilities as to the actual identity of Santiago. I’m happy that one of these turned out to be correct.

I highly recommend Santiago.

:: Continuing to work my way through the adventures of Miles Vorkosigan, I finished the omnibus volume Young Miles with the novella The Mountains of Mourning and the novel The Vor Game. I’m rapidly discovering that these are some of the best character-driven stories around, and Miles Vorkosigan – the diminutive, birth-defected officer in the military of the highly-miliaristic society of the planet Barrayar – is a very compelling character. When we left him at the end of The Warrior’s Apprentice, Miles had managed to finagle his way into the Barrayaran Academy at the behest of the Emperor.

The Mountains of Mourning sends Miles into the rural mountain country near his family estate on Barrayar, where he is tasked with investigating an infanticide. Miles’s father, Count Aral Vorkosigan, gives him the assignment for reasons of his own, reasons which Miles gradually figures out as he delves into the backward mindsets of the rural mountain-dwellers and tries to figure out not just who murdered the child, but why.

In The Vor Game, Miles graduates from the Academy and enters active service. He, along with all of his cadet friends, is hoping for ship duty – but he is assigned instead to serve as Meteorological Officer on an icy island in the Barrayaran north. In typical Miles fashion, he ends up making enemies and friends up there, and also in typical Miles fashion, despite his best efforts, things go seriously awry and Miles finds himself allied with a failed mutiny and under arrest.

One thing I’m quickly learning about the Vorkosigan Saga is that everything is always twisting and turning. What starts off as a “young upstart sent to a dead-end military assignment” story soon becomes a war-intrigue story, delving into the politics surrounding star systems with control over wormholes to other systems. Bujold has an amazing way with all of this stuff, seamlessly blending the politics into the character stuff and back again, so we never get the feeling that the politics exists in a totally separate realm from the actions of our characters. I look forward to continuing the Vorkosigan Saga!

:: And finally, we have Leviathan Wakes, by James S.A. Corey, which is a composite pseudonym for authors Daniel Abraham and Ty Franck. I find it kind of odd that they felt the need to create a pseudonym for their collaboration; I’m sure this has been done before, though, so I suppose it’s not all that odd. I am confused as to why they just couldn’t go with their actual names. Although I do know that sometimes when authors gain success in one genre, they have difficulty breaking into another genre under their own names, or that publishers decide to have authors use different names to make it easier to track such things. Such as Iain M. Banks, who writes SF under that name but omits the middle initial for his fantasy novels.

But anyway, none of that really matters. What matters is that Leviathan Wakes is just terrific. It’s one of the most entertaining novels I’ve read in years. It’s pure entertainment. It’s a “large popcorn and a Coke” novel that screams out for a score by John Williams or Jerry Goldsmith or Basil Poledouris. There’s a blurb by George RR Martin on the cover that refers to the book as “a kick-ass space opera”, and that is exactly what it is.

What’s interesting about Leviathan Wakes is that it is set in our own solar system, and nowhere else. This is a space opera with no FTL drive, and the first attempt at a Generation Ship has yet to be launched. Despite this, there is tension galore, action a-plenty, and a good amount of explodey-spaceshippy goodness. There are revolutionaries and government agents, there’s a down-on-his-luck detective who is as hard-boiled as they come, there’s a noir-ish search for a missing girl, there is war between Earth and Mars, and, believe it or not, there are SF-nally plausible zombies. This book is a heady mix.

The book begins with a young woman finding herself the only survivor of a vicious attack on her spaceship; soon after, her parents lean on an asteroid belt detective to find out why she has disappeared, while another innocent industrial ship happens on the wreck of the ship from the first scene. From these two threads, the authors put together an impressive show that gradually becomes bigger and bigger in scope until, at the end of the book, there are startling implications for all humanity. Best of all, the book leaves a lot of places where the sequels can go.

Leviathan Wakes is terrific storytelling, aided and abetted by a lot of snappy dialogue and interesting characters for whom we both root and wince when they take the wrong turn. If you’re looking for an extremely well-crafted entertainment, Leviathan Wakes is it.

And that, folks, will probably finish me up for space opera for a little while, aside from a couple of short stories. I’m actually taking a month to not read any novels at all; just short fiction and poetry. After that, my plan is to spend a good chunk of the winter OD’ing on fantasy, possibly to the extent of doing a complete re-read of George RR Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire to this point. As tends to be my case, my mood tends to go from “spaceships and blasters, ahoy!” to “Castles and swords and maidens, swoon!” when the weather starts to go cold.

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Page One: To Kill a Mockingbird

Page One: To Kill a Mockingbird

I re-read To Kill a Mockingbird not long ago…or at least I thought I did, but when looking through the archives for my blog post about it, I find that is was actually about two-and-a-half years ago. I know, time flies and all, but wow. I really thought it was in the last year!

I chalk that up to just how memorable the book really is. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of those books I feel truly, truly fortunate to have been able to read.

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Something for Thursday

(Ugh — would you believe I wrote this post but forgot to schedule it to publish at the right time? For those two of you who have all day been thinking, “Geesh, I wonder what happened to Something for Thursday, well, here it is.)

Some opinions change over time, as I reappraise things I previously underappreciated, or as I come to see things I’ve long loved as more and more flawed. It happens. But there are other opinions that are pretty much calcified in place in my mind for all time. One of these is my belief that Live and Let Die is the worst James Bond movie ever. I hate this movie. It’s got some good scenes, and it has generally good acting, but overall, the script is awful junk that offers up the most odiously sexist James Bond ever, a nauseating collection of stereotypes from urban blacks to southern whites, and…well, let’s just leave it at that. Live and Let Die stinks.

But then there’s the theme song. It’s an odd song by Bond film standards. Performed by Paul McCartney and Wings, it has a structure that’s unlike just about every other Bond song. It starts off as a ballad, until McCartney gets to the song (and film) title itself, where a series of loud, pounding chords lead into an orchestral segment, no lyrics, seemingly depicting Bondian mayhem. This is all very well, as is the reprise that comes after a middle section.

It’s the middle section that’s bugged me for years about this song. It sticks out like a sore thumb, being stylistically completely different from the rest of the song. I never, never understood why this bit is in the song. It has never made one lick of sense to me.

But here’s the thing: all this Beatles listening I’ve been doing over the last couple of years has allowed me to put “Live and Let Die” in a context other than that of a Bond song — now I am also hearing it as a Paul McCartney song, wherein one can often find things like long orchestral segments, songs that start as ballads but become something else, and middle sections that stylistically bear little resemblance to the rest of the song. “Live and Let Die” makes sense to me now. Huzzah! I love it when I get to have an Ohhhhh! moment.

And now, here’s “Live and Let Die”.

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