It’s Roger’s birthday! Here are a few little somethings in his honor.
Happy birthday to a right fine fellow. Huzzah!
Roger Roger!
Happy birthday to a right fine fellow. Huzzah!
Happy birthday to a right fine fellow. Huzzah!
EXTERIOR: Suburban Buffalo — KFC — Afternoon — Winter.
Two cars pull into the KFC parking lot. One pulls right up to the door; the other parks a bit farther away. A short, squat WOMAN in a brilliant sky-blue winter coat and her SON, a young man of about 20, get out of the first car. The young man is dressed in the standard Buffalo attire of jeans that aren’t really any color anymore, a jacket that isn’t any color anymore, and a utilitarian haircut that screams of ‘cut the parts that stick out below the edge of the bowl I’ve placed on your head’. From the other car comes a long-haired GENTLEMAN, decked out in a black flannel-lined shirt under a spiffy pair of Carhartt overalls. We can tell by looking at the GENTLEMAN IN OVERALLS that he is a fellow of elegance, reason, and is generally a fine person to know. They enter the restaurant, whereupon the GENTLEMAN IN OVERALLS hangs back to examine the menu. Meanwhile, the WOMAN and the SON walk right up to the counter, where the ORDER TAKEN is a crisp-looking teenaged boy in a clean uniform.
ORDER TAKER: Welcome to KFC, may I–
The SON’s cell phone rings loudly. His ringtone is a rap tune with the words ‘bitch-ass ho’ a lot.
ORDER TAKER: –take your order?
SON: (into phone) What? Yeah. Yeah, I love you! But I can’t talk about this right–
WOMAN: Yeah gimme a six-piece a’chicken.
ORDER TAKER: Original, crispy, or the other one that nobody orders? [EDITOR’S NOTE: He didn’t really say this! I just don’t recall what the actual third option was.]
WOMAN: (to SON, without turning to actually face him) You want original or crispy?
SON: (into phone, completely oblivious of his mother addressing him) No! No, don’t do that! DAMMIT! I said I love you, why you gotta make this so–
WOMAN: (louder, still doesn’t turn around) You want ORIGINAL or CRISPY?
She turns to look at the SON, who is facing the pop machine.
WOMAN: Give him Original.
ORDER TAKER: All right, what sides?
WOMAN: Sides? Whassat salad stuff with the dressing?
ORDER TAKER: Cole slaw?
WOMAN: Yeah! (loudly, to SON, again without turning, again without the SON realizing he’s being talked to) Cole slaw? You like COLE SLAW?
SON: Oh, you can’t be f***ing SERIOUS! I swear if you–! Yeah, yeah….I said I love you! I said it! What more do you–!
WOMAN: Cole slaw. And fries.
ORDER TAKER: You mean potato wedges?
WOMAN: I got fries last time!
ORDER TAKER: (somehow miraculously keeping his composure, given how young he is) We replaced the fries with the potato wedges.
WOMAN: Oh.
The GENTLEMAN in the overalls, who is diddling with his own cell phone in an effort to look like he’s not actually hanging on every word of the morality play unfolding, raises an eyebrow at the ease with which this kid has sold the lie.
WOMAN: Yeah, gimme the wedges. And a drink. (louder) You wanna drink?
SON: (still into phone) Babe, I gotta go. We’re in line. KFC. I know you don’t like KFC, but what do you care, you’re working!
WOMAN: No drink for him.
Now he turns back to face his mother, rolling his eyes and making that ‘flapping jaw’ gesture with his fingers to indicate that the girlfriend or whomever on the other end won’t shut up.
ORDER TAKER: That’ll be $12.42.
WOMAN: Here. (hands him a twenty)
SON: I gotta go! We’ll talk about this later. Just call me back in half an hour. Just call me back. Call me back! Half an hour! Yeah! Love you, call me back, half hour, bye! (hangs up) What are we eating?
WOMAN: Chicken.
The GENTLEMAN in the overalls bites his lips together to keep from laughing out loud.
SON: Did you order the Chicken Bites? [EDITOR’S NOTE: “Chicken Bites” are apparently the replacement for the old “Popcorn Chicken” menu item.]
WOMAN: You didn’t say nothin’ about Chicken Bites!
SON: I want Chicken Bites. Got more money? I’ll order ’em.
WOMAN: Yeah, here’s five bucks. It’s all I got. But wait for that guy. You shoulda been ordering with me.
SON: I tried! Bitch wouldn’t hang up!
WOMAN: Don’t call her ‘bitch’, she’s datin’ your ass.
Now the GENTLEMAN IN OVERALLS is scratching his neck so he doesn’t have to face these folks.
WOMAN: Get outta the way. Let that guy order.
They look at the GENTLEMAN IN OVERALLS, who realizes what’s happening.
GENTLEMAN IN OVERALLS: Oh, go ahead. I’m in no hurry here.
SON: Thanks! See, Mom?
The Son turns to the ORDER TAKER.
ORDER TAKER: Welcome to KFC, may I take your order?
SON: Yeah, I want some Chicken Bites.
The Food Guy from the back of house comes up to the counter with a tray.
FOOD GUY: Order #273? Six-piece?
WOMAN: Yeah.
She grabs the tray and goes to a table in the dining room.
WOMAN: (calling to SON) I’m sittin’ down now!
SON: (without turning around) Yeah! Chicken Bites. Uh…large.
The GENTLEMAN IN OVERALLS glances up at the menu board and notices that the Large Chicken Bites is more than five bucks. In fact, even the Small, with sales tax added on, will be more than five bucks.
WOMAN: (now talking loudly to no one in particular) Awww, shit! They only gave me one plate. How am I supposed to eat!
The GENTLEMAN IN OVERALLS brushes a fuzzy or something from the bib of his overalls, trying not to focus on the ‘How many plates does one woman need to eat a meal at KFC?’ question.
ORDER TAKER: A large Chicken Bites is $7-something.
SON: Ummmm…
He starts fishing in his pockets, but it’s clear that the five in his hand is the only money he’s got.
SON: Make it the small, then.
ORDER TAKER: OK…that’ll be $5.sixty something.
SON: Ummmm….
He is realizing that he doesn’t have enough money to pay even that.
SON: Hey Ma–
WOMAN: Tell them to gimme another plate!
SON: You got anymore money?
WOMAN: Nah I gave it all to you! Tell them gimme another plate!
Nevertheless she gets up, returns to the counter, and hands him a twenty. Then she returns to the table.
WOMAN: I still need another plate!
Now she’s yelling loudly enough that the FOOD GUY in back can hear her, and he is scrambling to bring up a plate.
ORDER TAKER: All right, here’s the change. And here are your Chicken Bites. And here’s the–
WOMAN: I need another plate!
ORDER TAKER: –other plate for her.
SON: Ma! Stop!
He holds up the plate for her to see. She calms down. The GENTLEMAN IN OVERALLS, still wondering why she could possibly need TWO plates, waits until the ORDER TAKER acknowledges him.
ORDER TAKER: Hello, welcome to KFC. May I take your order?
The GENTLEMAN IN OVERALLS notices the look in the ORDER TAKER’s eye, the look of prayerfulness in hopes that no one quite that crazy comes through the line for a while. He also notes that this fellow has to start every single interaction with a customer the exact same way, no doubt because ‘market research’ has shown that what customers want to hear in a restaurant is a personality-free, standardized greeting.
GENTLEMAN IN OVERALLS: Sure. I’d like a–
FADE OUT as life returns to normal at KFC.
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Lemons: I like them.
So a few weeks ago I saw an article, linked on Facebook by one of my friends, about the wonderful health benefits of lemon water. The idea is that you start your morning with a cup of warm water, into which you squeeze some fresh lemon. Why? Well, there are apparently a lot of health benefits. I think. In all honesty, I tend to be a bit skeptical of every single “OMG, this is healthy in 47 different ways!” thing that comes down the pike, but I decided to try the fresh lemon thing anyway, because I like lemon and it’s a good way to add some fruit to my daily food intake, which is always a good thing.
I’m not doing the warm water thing, though. I take my water bottle, the one that I use at work (it’s around 26oz, I think), and squeeze an entire lemon into it. Yup, the whole thing. Why screw around with half? One entire lemon, and then I fill the rest of the bottle with water. The benefit here is that, well, lemon just makes the water taste awesome, which gives me a way to drink lots of water without really getting sick of water’s not-terribly-exciting flavor. (Not that I dislike water — I’ve always been a water drinker. But if I can drink water and get a bit of extra fruity vitaminny goodness in there, hey, what’s not to like?)
This new fascination with the wonderful lemon (my next project will be to make Moroccan preserved lemons, once I find a jar big enough someplace) has also led me to investigate lemon concentrates and substitutes, simply because I don’t have time at work to be squeezing entire lemons every time I refill the water bottle. The RealLemon juice stuff is OK, but it’s never been my favorite stuff, as it tends to have a metallic hint to it. But I have found this stuff called True Lemon, which is a powder that comes in little packets. One packet is apparently equivalent of one wedge of a cut-up lemon (cut into 6ths or 8ths, I’m not sure). That stuff makes my water taste as freshly lemony as is probably possible, short of using the actual lemon.
My point here is this: Lemons rule.
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Photographic Evidence
Chronicling some recent adventures, misadventures, and regular old humdrum ventures of life, through the magic of digital photography! Huzzah!!!
Photos after the break….
First of all, Winter Storm Nemo came through the Northeast, as some of you may have heard. As is usually the case with Nor’easters, Buffalo-Niagara was mainly spared the big hit. Northern Niagara County (about 40 miles north of Casa Jaquandor) got hit with about a foot and a half of snow, but down here in the Southtowns, we didn’t get much at all, about four or five inches. Here’s what it looked like when the snow was starting to accumulate:
And here’s what it looked like the next morning:
Ayup. Not much difference!
Of course, the cats responded to this climatic threat as they always do:
A random food thing: I like pistachio nuts.
I’m glad they don’t color the damned things pink anymore, though! That was pretty annoying. I love the scene in the original Naked Gun movie where Leslie Nielsen and George Carter are staking someone out, and they’re passing the time by eating pistachios in their car. Evidently they’ve been there a while, because a solid inch around both their lips is solid pink and there’s an enormous pile of spent shells outside the car door.
Speaking of food, here’s what I look like when shopping:
Apparently I’m incredibly angry about what I see on the label there. Weird, huh? Seriously, I’m starting to think I’m the human version of Grumpy Cat.
Anyway, on with the shopping….
No, I didn’t get the Hobgoblin Ale. Nor did I get the coconut cream pie, alas!
I continue to be fascinated with my two pairs of Carhartt overalls, which are amazingly comfy and cozy in the cool weather. The only problem I have thus far is that, being as they are, respectively, black and brown (instead of blue denim or hickory striped), they attract cat hair like crazy. So every time I wear them out of the apartment, I have to go through this ritual first:
I’ve also decided of late that I own too many dark-colored shirts and sweaters, so I’m trying to diversify a bit. I actually got this nice light-gray sweater at a local consignment store for a few bucks:
I have also, over the last few years, taken a liking to the color orange, which I was never enamored of before. Strange how tastes change, isn’t it?
And finally, I had a moment the other day wherein I fully embraced my inner twelve-year-old. When I was leaving work for the day, I noticed a large sheet of bubble wrap blowing around the parking lot. It was about six feet long and one foot wide, with the larger air pockets. I didn’t want it floating around out there forever, so I grabbed it to put it in the trash dumpster outside…and then, the thought occurred to me. What thought? This thought:
Yes, I tucked one edge under my car’s back tire, spread it out before the tire as best I could, rolled down my window so I could hear it, and drove over the bubble wrap. And yes, the sound was glorious. I couldn’t believe how loud it was! It was like driving through a corn popper. And then, my fun having been had, I got out and properly disposed of the now-destroyed sheet of bubble wrap.
And that’s the fun that’s been had lately! It’s always an adventure, here at Casa Jaquandor!
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Christmas ’12, in pictures
I’ll put this below the fold, as it’s a lot of photos and such….
There’s a park by the library where they put out a bunch of Christmas trees and let families decorate them.
I have a tie-dyed Santa hat.
I was already planning to watch this movie that weekend…but two days after the school shootings in Newtown, I really needed to see it. No, I do not think this is trite or inappropriate. Storytelling and engaging in story is one of the very oldest ways humans have of dealing with the world and framing it in such a way as to make it bearable.
I’ve missed out on the McRib the last few times it’s come through the McDonald’s menu. Not this time, huzzah!
The Daughter’s main haul was books and video games. I made sure to get some stuff that I’ve read and can vouch for, even if she’s not the SF fan that I am. I can hope, can’t I? (If she knows what’s good for her, she will read Princesses In SPACE!!! (not the actual title) when it comes out. And she will like it. Oh yes.
There was also this nifty item. Guess what it says when you squeeze it!
I confess to being a not-terribly-great wrapper of gifts, but this is mainly because I get lazy, not because I don’t know how to do it:
By way of Christmas treats, I made a batch of what is around these parts called ‘White Trash’. I really don’t like that name, but it seems to be the most common term. It’s rice and corn chex, Cheerios, pretzels, and M&Ms, all folded into melted white chocolate chips. It’s fantastic stuff, but freakishly addictive when you start eating it.
I’ve already made a second batch, this time with butterscotch chips. And I added salted cashews, because I just adore the salty-and-sweet flavor combination.
The tree? The same tree as every year:
But with a few new ornaments, as always. Notice a fellow on there who looks a little like King Henry VIII? That’s King Henry VIII!
There are a couple of new ornaments this year, as is true every year (although we’re getting to the point where we may need a second tree!). This year we added a retro rocket ship and a flying saucer with the alien piloting it:
And all the favorite ornaments are back, like the ship in the bottle and the Nativity with the light in it:
And of course…a visit to see Little Quinn on Christmas. Or at least, the physical location of his former vessel.
Wherever he is, I hope he has a lightsaber. And other shiny things!
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A retail dilemma: What would YOU do?
OK, so this happened.
The Daughter had a church-related function today for a couple of hours, and The Wife was working, which gave me some free time. I decided to avail myself of this opportunity to do a small amount of my Christmas shopping, and to that end, I further decided that scope out a store I’d noticed in nearby East Aurora, NY, wherein I thought I stood a good chance of filling one of The Wife’s gift wishes and also fulfill my usual desire to do at least a healthy chunk of my shopping at a local establishment. In addition to carrying the type of item The Wife had requested, this shop also apparently features jewelry made by a local artisan, so there’s a double opportunity for supporting a local business.
According to this shop’s Facebook page, they are open on Sundays, so off I went — only, when I got there, the place was closed, tighter than a drum. I wondered if maybe I had misread things on FB, so I actually got out of the car and checked the posted hours sign on the door. Sure enough: Sunday, open 10 AM to 5 PM. And yet: lights out, locked up, nobody home. No shopping for me. And no sign on the door saying anything like “Dear Customers, due to unforeseen circumstances we will be closed on Sunday, December 9.” Not even a “Out to lunch” or “Gone fishing”. Just a locked up store.
This irritated me. I specifically drove to East Aurora — not a far drive, it’s just the next town over, about fifteen minutes — to check out this store that I’d wondered about. (Key point there: I’ve not yet set foot in the place.) But when I got there, it was closed when it should, according to all information at my disposal, have been open. Now, there are other places in East Aurora to shop, but I was looking for a specific kind of item, so there aren’t any other stores of that nature there. And I didn’t really want to do the ‘park and walk up and down Main Street’ thing — for one thing, I only had limited time; for another, I don’t like window shopping by myself.
So later on, I went to the shop’s Facebook page and inquired as to why they were closed when all information indicates that they should have been open. The proprietor responded within an hour to basically say this: “Sorry about that, but at the last moment I scored tickets to the Bills game, and I almost never get to be out of the shop. But next time you drop by, I’ll give you a discount!”
Now, part of me is thinking, “Hey, discount. Huzzah!” But the other part of me is saying, “Yeah, hell with that. You know what you’re looking for, so go to the other local business you know of that sells that sort of thing, where you’ve done business before, and spend money with them, since you know they’ll be open.” And you know what? I was going to solicit opinions as to which part of the brain I should listen to, but having typed it out here, I think it’s pretty obvious, innit?
Pity. I like supporting local businesses. But it’s also important to support the ones that are more obviously interested in being supported.
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On the ‘War on Christmas’
Seven years….
Thankfulness
I am thankful this year for the following items. This list is not meant to be all-inclusive, in that I’m sure I’m missing out on some stuff.
Cheddar cheese so sharp it makes you pucker, Sesame crackers, Our azalea plant, Our ivy plant, Cats, Get Fuzzy, blogs, George Lucas, Star Wars, our dining room table, Klein screwdrivers, flashlights, William Shatner, Sela Ward, Mary Stewart’s Arthurian trilogy, Miles Vorkosigan by Lois McMater Bujold, Stephen King, the Kushiel series by Jacqueline Carey, the hardware store in my old hometown, angle grinders, Dremel rotary tool, Star Trek, Sergei Rachmaninov, The Beatles, Van Halen, baked pasta dishes, pizza, cookies, Harry Potter, Guy Gavriel Kay, Space opera, Planetary Romance, Chestnut Ridge Park, big thick poetry collections, Jerry Sullivan (Buffalo News sports columnist), my drill, Schopp and the Bulldog (Buffalo sports talk radio guys), Fried chicken, Italian sausage, that I have finally seen Les Miserables on stage, that I’m soon to see Les Miserables on the movie screen, Canada and Canadians, the poetry of Tennyson, Brian and Stewie on The Family Guy, Everyone who ever acted in a Harry Potter movie at all ever, Joss Whedon, steak, chess, comics, big breakfasts that leave me full until mid-afternoon, light breakfasts that take the edge off until a nice lunch, Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, The Mentalist, Tasting something good at a restaurant and figuring out how to make it at home, Ice cream at the roadside place down the road, The County Fair, Libraries, JRR Tolkien, Route 20-A in the fall, Sandals, the scissor jack at work, Monty Python, aquariums, science museums, The Origin of Species, Cosmos, Carl Sagan, complete collections of Shakespeare (I own six, plus the one on my tablet!), thick fuzzy socks in winter, eggs, watching the Super Bowl, watching figure skating, the Olympic games, Autumn Leaves Used Books in Ithaca, the Ithaca Apple Harvest Festival, getaways with The Wife, holding The Wife’s hand, the second chapter of Luke, Edgar Allan Poe, Discovering new authors, Liking books on the re-read that I didn’t like the first time, Daniel Craig as James Bond, George Lazenby as James Bond, Sean Connery as James Bond, Roger Moore as James Bond, Timothy Dalton as James Bond, Pierce Brosnan as James Bond, my cell phone, my new tablet, the Burchfield Nature and Art Center, The Daughter getting better each year on her string bass, John Williams, Hector Berlioz, Toronto, Pittsburgh, Having no idea what to get The Wife for Christmas, Castle and Beckett, Nathan Fillion, Stana Katic, Kat Dennings, Melissa Rauch, The Big Bang Theory, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, “[knock knock knock] Penny? [knock knock knock] Penny? [knock knock knock] Penny?”, A Tale of Two Cities, Thin-mint Girl Scout Cookies, Roast turkey, Chicken wings, Rum (particularly spiced), Coke, Anthony Bourdain, Rachel Maddow, Cake Boss, Nate Silver, George Carlin, Hayao Miyazaki, President Obama (on balance), Zooey Deschanel, my wok, seeing people get hit with pies, getting hit with pies, bib overalls, all my misadventures in my overalls, dollops of whipped cream on my overalls after a pieing, cooking, Lester, Julio, Comet, writing, Princesses In SPACE!!! (not the actual title), Deliverance, eh? (not the actual title), NaNoWriMo, friends willing to read my writing, All who read this blog, Baby Fiona, Little Quinn, The Daughter, The Wife, and this whole wild and wacky Cosmos from which we spring.
And you know what? I’ve missed a whole ton of stuff. Happy Thanksgiving, readers!