Sunday Burst of Weirdness

Oddities abound!

:: Now, my childhood had its deliciously twisted moments, thanks to parents who were aware but not freakishly protective. But still, I now wish I’d had some of these Playmobil sets:

What fun! A plastic dessicated skeleton! Buzzards! Bandits with guns!

:: Hmmm…I could swear that someone suggested counterprotesting those Westboro Baptist Church morons just this way…I wonder who that could have been….

:: Identify the movie by the robot. I didn’t get them all, I’m sorry to say….

More next week!

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Super Bowl Questions

UPDATE 2-7-10: You know, I was thinking about doing some research and creating a nice long Super Bowl trivia quiz this year, but I just never got around to doing the research, so I filed the notion away for next year. And now I’m getting a lot of hits from people looking for “Super Bowl Questions”, so I’m definitely doing it next year. These questions probably aren’t what you all are looking for, but thanks for dropping by, folks! Go Colts! (But I won’t be bothered if the Saints win.)

Roger asks some questions regarding the Super Bowl:

Do you watch the Super Bowl? (That’s American football, BTW.) If so, is it for the commercials, the game or the halftime entertainment? Do you have special food for the occasion?

Yes, I watch the Super Bowl. In fact, with one exception, I’ve watched every Super Bowl since I became a football fan in 1988. (That exception was Super Bowl XXIV — 49ers 55, Broncos 10 — because I had something going on that night at college.) I don’t pay attention to the commercials much; I tend to use them for their intended purpose (get more food, refill my glass, go to the bathroom, et cetera). In fact, every year when I hear people talking about their favorite commercials the next day, I’m always a bit clueless until I track them down online.

In terms of food, I just tend to get a bit of snack stuff, like chips and dip, if we’re at home. Over the years we’ve been to a couple of Super Bowl parties at other people’s homes. Lots of food is usually nice, but I prefer to be in the comfort of my own home.

And speaking of halftime, don’t you find it interesting that it is The Who performing when the game is on CBS, since The Who provide the theme songs for all those CSI shows on CBS, such as CSI: Las Vegas, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, CSI: Kalamazoo, and CSI: Portland (both the Oregon AND the Maine shows).

Yeah, that occurred to me this past week. I’m hoping that since the game’s in Miami, the halftime show starts with David Caruso on stage, saying something goofy in that oddball delivery of his, and putting on his sunglasses as The Who smashes into “Won’t Get Fooled Again”.

By the way, I didn’t know that The Who was even doing this year’s halftime festivities until just last Monday, when I said to my main football-discussing friends at work, “Hey, who’s doing the halftime show this year?” And he said, “Yes.” Luckily I thought over his answer for ten seconds and realized what was going on, before we launched into some weird Abbott-and-Costello routine. (“So at haltime, Dan Marino and Shannon Sharpe talk about the first half and then they kick the attention over to who?” “Yes!”)

If you don’t watch the game, do you have a ritual for that? I had friends who always went to the movies on Super Bowl Sunday.

I watch the game. Sometimes I watch a movie earlier in the day.

And those of you outside the United States: can you even access the Suoer Bowl?

Obviously this is not applicable to me.

Do you know how to write 44 in Roman numerals?

XLIV. I think the Roman numerals thing is starting to look goofier each year — we’re six years out from the Super Bowl logo being a giant L. I think it would be funny if, when that year comes, the logo is simply a big cursive L like the one Laverne used to wear on all her sweaters on Laverne and Shirley. It would be funny to see all these big, hulking football players in the Super Bowl sporting nice, pretty, loopy, feminine L‘s on their jerseys.

Do you have a rooting interest?

I’m rooting for the Colts, but a Saints win wouldn’t bother me much at all, except that we’d then have to hear a lot of crap about Peyton Manning being a choker and Gregg Williams’s head would get bigger, and I’m sure the Super Dome has a hard time containing that guy’s noggin already.

What do think of the Pro Bowl, the All-star game of the NFL, being played the week before the Super Bowl (i.e., today), instead of the week after?

The Pro Bowl sucks no matter when they play it. It just sucks. It’s lame and boring and I never watch it because it’s lame and boring. Plus, I don’t like that lots of guys go because the guys actually voted to the thing don’t, so you end up with something like half the league being called “Pro Bowlers”. On the Bills, Marshawn Lynch is a “Pro Bowler”, even though the only reason he got to be in the game a year ago is because a bunch of running backs ahead of him didn’t play. Only the guys actually voted onto the roster should get to be called “Pro Bowlers”, and frankly, if they just did away with the game and treated being voted a Pro Bowler as baseball does being awarded a Golden Glove, I’d be fine with it.

So yeah, I don’t really care when they play the Pro Bowl. I do think that the NFL’s rigid adherence to rules, thus requiring the Colts and Saints players to be in attendance even if they don’t play — resulting in them literally having to fly back to Indianapolis and New Orleans respectively and then turn right back around to return to Miami, since by another NFL rule, all Super Bowl players must travel with their teams together — is just colossal idiocy.

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Shrimp is the fruit of the sea.

A few weeks ago I made a new pasta dish called “Straw and Hay”, and at the time, The Wife commented that the dish would be really good with shrimp. So, tonight for dinner, I made the dish again, with shrimp.

And lo, it was Teh Awesome.

For those interested, I made the dish as indicated in the recipe I gave on the previous post, with this change: when I sauteed the garlic in the butter/olive oil mixture, I threw in about half a pound of cooked shrimp that I’d previously thawed and drained. Then I just tossed the pasta with the shrimp/garlic/oil combination.

Maybe next time I’ll try scallops!

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Throwing Back

Early in 2009, the folks at Pepsi noted the growing interest out there in stuff that’s not sweetened with High Fructose Corn Syrup, so they did something that I assume was mainly to test the waters: they introduced Pepsi Throwback and Mountain Dew Throwback, which are Pepsi and Mountain Dew sweetened with actual sugar. And both were, shall I say, wonderful. Since we don’t drink pop all that often here at Casa Jaquandor, I proceeded to buy a twelve-pack of Pepsi Throwback every week as long as it was available. We still have some in our closet, although I’ll have to start replenishing now that the stuff is back on the market.

It’s not just the taste that’s better; the drinks have a mouth feel that is so different from what I’ve become accustomed to after years of HFCS. They are less, well, syrupy. Sweetened soft drinks these days always tend to feel heavy in the mouth, as if both thick and thin at the same time. Not so with the Throwback drinks: they taste crisp and clean. It’s not at all unlike having real maple syrup on your pancakes after years of using Mrs. Butterworth’s. The drinks also smell sweeter, and feel less filling after consuming a full can or bottle.

I just discovered a couple of weeks ago that the current limited run of Throwback sodas now includes Dr. Pepper, which warms the cockles of my heart. I’ve always loved Dr. Pepper, which I have never had in a sugar-sweetened version (I didn’t start drinking it until college). This stuff, called “Heritage Dr. Pepper”, is a revelation in a bottle. (I know, sugar-sweetened Dr. Pepper has been available for years via a single bottler in Texas, but I’ve never thought it important enough to actually try to order some.)

Now, if Coke would get with the program…to taste Coca-Cola in its original, sugar-sweetened formula again would be amazing. (Again, I know that the stuff exists on an annual basis, marketed in Jewish neighborhoods so the Kosher laws can still include Coke around Passover, but I’m not sure if anyplace around here sells it. My own Store doesn’t carry it.)

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Gabrielle

I never knew Gabrielle Bouliane, but a few of my Facebook friends did, and they are mourning her passing this week from cancer. She was a poet, and here is a selection of hers, performed at the Austin Poetry Slam, that I find quite powerful:

Condolences to friends and family. How often do we learn of wonderful people only after their deaths?

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Something for Thursday

The classic movie The Philadelphia Story — the tale of a man still in love with his divorced wife, with said wife still being in love with him although she doesn’t realize it even as she prepares to remarry — was remade in the 1950s as a musical, called High Society. In truth, that’s the version of the story I know best, as High Society is one of my parents’ favorite movies. In the original, the leads are played by Cary Grant, Katherine Hepburn, and Jimmy Stewart; in the musical, we have Bing Crosby, Grace Kelly, and Frank Sinatra. Now, Bing Crosby’s merits as a romantic lead may be open to some debate, but High Society works pretty well, even if some of the nuance of the original Philadelphia Story script was lost in order to accommodate the new film’s musical numbers. Some of these are very, very fine songs indeed. Here are a few.

In a flashback to the honeymoon of Tracy Samantha Lord (Kelly) and C.K. Dexter Haven (Crosby), we hear “True Love” (which I believe is also the only time Grace Kelly ever sang on screen):

The film explains the musical content partly by positing Dexter Haven as a songwriter who is organizing a local jazz festival in Newport, Rhode Island. Thus the presence of Louis Armstrong and his band in the film, sometimes acting as a Greek chorus of sorts and goosing things along. Here, Louis prompts Dexter to sing the song he once wrote for Samantha:

The jazz festival all yields a song where Crosby and Armstrong explain what jazz is all about, in “Now You Has Jazz”:

I mention above that the film includes Frank Sinatra, so of course, he has to get into the act with the film’s music. He plays one of the two gossip reporters sent by SPY Magazine to cover the Tracy Samantha Lord wedding, and he’s generally disgusted by the antics of the rich and wealthy — until, in the course of getting to know some of them, he learns that they have their own real problems. Anyway, here’s an early comedic number with Sinatra and Celeste Holm wondering “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”:

Sinatra also gets, of course, his own soulful love song, “You’re Sensational”, which he sings to Grace Kelly:

The film’s best number brings Crosby and Sinatra together for the only time in the film. They’re at a party and neither is particularly enthusiastic about the proceedings, so both duck into the bar for some frank talk about the rich and the gossip that surrounds them. Here’s “Well Did You Evah”:

This is the movie’s only real show-stopper. I love the moment when Sinatra stops Crosby with the line “Don’t dig that kind of croonin’, chum,” to which Crosby responds, “You must be one of the newer fellas.”

The Philadelphia Story is probably the better film, but High Society is not at all without its charms.

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Fixing the Prequels: Attack of the Clones (part nine)

part eight
part seven
part six
part five
part four
part three
part two
part one

Wow! Two of these posts in the same month! Will wonders never cease!

So, having addressed what I feel to be the most damaging scene in the Prequel Trilogy in the preceding post, we’ll address what I consider to be the biggest missed opportunity in the Prequel Trilogy in this post. As much as I love Attack of the Clones — and really, I love it, it’s a terrific movie and I’ll have words with anyone who says otherwise – George Lucas just didn’t get the Naboo scenes right, and they drag down everything else that happens.

But first, after Padme and Anakin’s fireside chat, we cut back to Obi Wan on Kamino, where he checks in with the Jedi Council (actually, just Yoda and Mace Windu):

INTERIOR: TIPOCA CITY, CORRIDOR – DAY

OBI-WAN stands with TAUN WE just inside the open door.

LAMA SU: Tell your Council the first battalions are ready. And remind them that if they need more troops, we will need time to grow them.

OBI-WAN: I won’t forget. And thank you.

TAUN WE: Thank you.

EXTERIOR: TIPOCA CITY, KAMINO LANDING PLATFORM (RAINSTORM) – LATE DAY

OBI-WAN comes out from the tower into the driving rain. The door closes behind him. He pulls his robe around him and stands braced against the gale. OBI-WAN glances back toward the closed door, confirming that LAMA SU has left.

Below, a huge wave crashes against the stilts. Spray flies high and whips across the platform to where OBI-WAN is standing. He walks over to his Starfighter, looks to see if anyone is watching, then addresses ARFOUR.

OBI-WAN: Arfour.

EXTERIOR: TIPOCA CITY LANDING PLATFORM, JEDI FIGHTER (RAINSTORM) – LATE DAY

The R4-P17, OBI-WAN’S Astro-Droid, who is still sitting on top of OBI-WAN’S Starfighter, switches on and BEEPS.

OBI-WAN: Arfour, relay this, “scramble code five,” to Courscant: care of “the old folks home.”

ARFOUR BEEPS and WHISTLES. The panels light up inside the cockpit. A transmitter disc emerges from the top of the Starfighter and the message is transmitted.

INTERIOR: JEDI TEMPLE, YODA’S QUARTERS – LATE AFTERNOON

YODA sits with MACE WINDU. between the two Jedi, a hologram of OBI-WAN speaks.

OBI-WAN: (V.O.) I have successfully made contact with the Prime Minister of Kamino. They are using a bounty hunter named Jango Fett to create a clone army. I have a strong feeling that this bounty hunter is the assassin we’re looking for.

MACE WINDU: Do you think these cloners are involved in the plot to assassinate Senator Amidala?

OBI-WAN: (V.O.) No, Master. There appears to be no motive.

YODA: Do not assume anything, Obi-Wan. Clear, your mind must be if you are to discover the real villains behind the plot.

OBI-WAN: (V.O.) Yes, Master. They say a Master Sifo-Dyas placed the order for a clone army at the request of the Senate almost ten years ago. I was under the impression he was killed before that. Did the Council ever authorize the creation of a clone army?

MACE WINDU: No. Whoever placed that order did not have the authorization of the Jedi Council.

YODA: Into custody, take this Jango Fett. Bring him here. Question him, we will.

OBI-WAN: (V.O.) Yes, Master. I will report back when I have him.

The hologram of OBI-WAN fades.

YODA: Blind we are, if creation of this clone army we could not see.

MACE WINDU: I think it is time to inform the Senate that our ability to use the Force has diminished.

YODA: Only the Dark Lords of the Sith know of our weakness. If informed the Senate is, multiply our adversaries will.

I wouldn’t change any of this. The Kamino sequences are extremely well done; as has been so often the case in this series, I keep finding things that are well done in this trilogy of movies that most people have derided as wall-to-wall suck. Oh well.

I like that the mystery apparently shows no sign of being solved at this point; in investigating an assassination attempt on Padme, Obi Wan has happened on something much larger. I like how Yoda and Mace Windu are now suspecting that something very grim is going on, and that it’s something they’ve failed to sense. The implication that the Jedi have been so successful for “over a thousand generations” by virtue of their ability to sense what the servants of the Dark Side were up to is a big one, as is their suspicion that those days are at an end. This scene lays it out clearly: the Jedi are on the wane, and they are nowhere near their top form anymore. One snarky complaint about the Prequel Trilogy I often hear goes like this: “Jeez, the Jedi sure get their butts kicked! How can these be the cream of the Jedi crop?” Obviously, they aren’t. It amazes me how often George Lucas’s critics manage to completely miss the point.

By the way, I love that Obi Wan’s coded reference to the Jedi Council is “the old folks’ home”. The Prequel Trilogy is full of little details like that which are awesome; it’s almost as if George Lucas thrives on the small details and thus sometimes loses sight of the entire thing.

Anyhow, just after this, we cut back to Naboo. Anakin is trying to sleep, and having some difficulty: we see him writhing about in bed, moaning a lot, before he suddenly wakes up. Clearly he’s having a nightmare, although the way the scene is filmed, well…let’s just say that it’s shot in such a way as to allow the more juvenile members of the audience to jeer the screen as though Anakin is doing something else in bed. By himself.

Yeah.

Anyway, here’s where Lucas made the mistake of showing Anakin having a nightmare about his mother without actually showing the nightmare. After Anakin awakens, we fade to a gorgeous Naboo sunrise (really, the shot of the sun-dappled waters of the lake is one of the most beautiful shots in the entire Star Wars saga), and Anakin standing on a veranda, watching it:

EXTERIOR: NABOO LAKE RETREAT, LODGE, BALCONY OVERLOOKING
GARDENS – MORNING

ANAKIN is on the balcony overlooking the gardens. After a moment, PAMDÉ comes onto the balcony behind him. She sees he is meditating and turns to go.

ANAKIN: (eyes closed) Don’t go.

PAMDÉ: I don’t want to disturb you.

ANAKIN: Your presence is soothing.

Brief pause.

PADMÉ: You had a nightmare again last night.

ANAKIN: Jedi don’t have nightmares.

PADMÉ: I heard you.

ANAKIN opens his eyes and looks at her.

ANAKIN: I saw my mother. I saw her as clearly as I see you now. She is suffering, Padmé. They’re killing her! She is in pain… I know I’m disobeying my mandate to protect you, Senator. I know I will be punished and possibly thrown out of the Jedi Order, but I have to go. I have to help her! I’m sorry, Padmé. I don’t have a choice.

PADMÉ: I’ll go with you. That way you can continue to protect me, and you won’t be disobeying your mandate.

ANAKIN: What about Master Obi-wan?

PADMÉ smiles and takes his hand.

PADMÉ: I guess we won’t tell him, will we?

This scene starts out really well, as shot: the gorgeous sunrise, the way Anakin is standing on the veranda, with his hands behind his back, suggestive (and therefore foreshadowing) of the shots in the Original Trilogy of Darth Vader standing on the bridge of his Star Destroyer, and the awkwardness between Anakin and Padme after the conversation the night before. I also like what Lucas is trying to do here: he’s setting up another of the many parallels between Anakin’s experiences and the later experiences of his son, Luke. Remember in The Empire Strikes Back, how Luke is tormented by visions of his friends suffering, so he abandons his Jedi duties to go after them, with disastrous consequences? Anakin is doing the same thing here, and the consequences will be even more far-reaching.

And yet, I’d replace the scene entirely. Bummer. Why? Because, while I think the scene is nice and gets some things done nicely, those things can be done better in another way, and some other things that need to get done can get done.

In previous installments, I’ve argued that Padme’s feelings for Anakin come to the fore a little too quickly in the film, and that they need something to help them along. In the great movie traditions, what drives film romance is often shared adversity. So I’d use this part of the film to give Anakin and Padme some adversity to share, in the form of something I’ve thought the film needed ever since I first saw it: a third assassination attempt on Padme. So here’s how I would rewrite this entire sequence:

INTERIOR: Naboo – Lake retreat – bedroom – night.

ANAKIN is sleeping restlessly. He is tossing about and moaning.

ANAKIN: Mom…no…Mom, look out!

ZOOM IN on ANAKIN as we FADE TO a series of confusing shots: SHMI SKYWALKER standing in the Tatooine desert, holding out her arms to ANAKIN; ANAKIN trying to reach her but not being close enough; SHMI being set upon by shadowy attackers and carried off; SHMI and ANAKIN screaming.

ANAKIN snaps awake. He is sweating heavily.

ANAKIN: No!

His shout is loud enough to awaken ARTOO, who whistles with concern as ANAKIN rubs his eyes and swings his legs out of bed. He gets up, pulls on a robe, and exits the room. ARTOO follows.

EXTERIOR: Naboo – Lake retreat – balcony – night.

ANAKIN emerges from the house onto the balcony and gazes at the moonlight upon the lake. Then he glances down and sees the boats tied at the pier.

INTERIOR: Naboo – Lake retreat – Padme’s bedroom.

PADME is awake as well. She is sitting in an armchair, sipping a cup of tea and looking at some holographic photos of her life, from the time of the occupation ten years earlier. She glances at the table beside her, and we see what she is looking at: the little wooden pendant that ANAKIN had carved for her ten years before. She sighs, and then gets up and exits.

EXTERIOR: Naboo – Lake retreat – beach – night.

PADME is walking along the beach, a short distance away from the villa. She comes to a particular spot, where she removes her robe, revealing a beautiful but discrete bathing suit underneath. She wades out into the water and then starts swimming toward the small island she’d indicated earlier.

EXTERIOR: Naboo – Lake retreat – island – night.

PADME swims onto the shore of the island and walks up onto the grass, and then onto the knoll where the small island’s highest point is. She gasps: ANAKIN is sitting there, gazing out at the water. She starts to say something, and then doesn’t; she turns to go back when ANAKIN speaks.

ANAKIN: Don’t go.

PADME: I didn’t realize you were here.

ANAKIN: I wanted to see this island. You talked about it the other day.

PADME: You said you don’t like to swim.

ANAKIN points to where he beached the boat.

PADME: Oh.

She comes to his side and sits down in the grass.

PADME: I don’t remember it being this cold up here when I was young.

ANAKIN: Most planets feel cold to me. It took a long time after I left home to get used to that. Sometimes I miss Tatooine. I guess that seems weird to you…you saw my planet….

PADME: It’s normal to miss home, no matter where that is.

ANAKIN: I guess.

A silence. Away to the north, the surface of the lake is dotted with golden lights.

PADME: Anakin, I shouldn’t have been so harsh with you before.

ANAKIN: You were right. It’s time I stopped dreaming about you.

Something in his voice makes PADME look a bit sad. There is another silence. PADME points to the northern end of the lake.

PADME: Those lights, out there? Those are Gungan fishers. As it gets close to dawn, they come up from their cities, near the surface, to catch the lampfish that gather at the top of the lake. Now they’re moving back north and deeper into the water. They’ll get dimmer and dimmer until they’re all gone. Tomorrow they’ll do it again.

They watch the lights for a few moments.

ANAKIN: It’s beautiful. But…

PADME: But what?

ANAKIN: Why are three of those lights coming this way?

He points. Three of the golden lights are, indeed, moving toward them.

ANAKIN: Come on. Those aren’t Gungans.

They get up and run down to the boat. PADME jumps in while ANAKIN shoves it into the water and climbs in and starts to fumble with the engine.

PADME: I’m sure it’s nothing.

ANAKIN: That’s not what the Force is telling me.

He gets the engine started and points the nose of the boat back at the villa. They can now hear three ENGINES whining behind them.

ANAKIN: Do the Gungans use craft with engines to go fishing?

PADME: No.

The boat moves slowly across the water. ANAKIN looks back and sees three WATER SPEEDERS bearing down on them.

ANAKIN: We’re not going to make it back to the villa. Hold on.

He yanks the rudder and aims the boat right at the beach. Seconds later they run aground and ANAKIN and PADME leap out.

ANAKIN: Run!

But it’s too late. The speeders run aground around them, and the three ASSASSINS on them leap out onto the shore, firing blasters at their feet to stop them. ANAKIN and PADME come to a stop. They are surrounded by human ASSASSINS who level blasters at them.

ASSASSIN #1: You were hard to find, My Lady.

ANAKIN: Who are you? Who hired you to–

ASSASSIN #1: Shut up, Jedi. Your Council should have known better than to send a Youngling to do a man’s job. You couldn’t even remember to put on your lightsaber.

ANAKIN glances down at his belt. His lightsaber isn’t there. A look of intense anger is coming over his face.

ASSASSIN #1: You Jedi are getting worse and worse. “Guardians of Peace and Justice!” You can’t even stop the Republic from falling apart.

There is a sudden WHISTLING sound. Everyone turns to see ARTOO rolling out of the grass onto the rocky beach.

ASSASSIN #1: An astrodroid?

ANAKIN: He’s no astrodroid. Now, Artoo!

ARTOO snaps open one of his compartments and extends a probe that emits a crackling burst of electricity that SHOCKS one of the ASSASSINS, who leaps back in pain. In that instant, ANAKIN thrusts out his hand and uses the Force to RIP the blaster out of the ASSASSIN’s hand. The weapon flies to him, and he quickly blasts the first two ASSASSINS. Then he whirls about to face ASSASSIN #1, who has already grabbed PADME from behind and is holding his own weapon to her head. He is holding her by hair hair, pulled back tightly.

ASSASSIN #1: Ahh ahh, Jedi. That will be enough. Thanks for doing that, by the way. Now I don’t have to kill them myself.

PADME: Killing me won’t stop opposition to the Separatist movement.

ASSASSIN #1: Senator, what makes you think I care about your politics? This is just a job. Now, Jedi, you just stand there while I take the Senator away. I promise that when I kill her, I’ll make it fast and painless. She won’t feel a…a….

A strange look comes over the ASSASSIN’s face. ANAKIN is staring at him, hard, his jaw clenched. We hear the low RUMBLE of the Force being used. The ASSASSIN opens his mouth and his eyes grow wide. Suddenly he can’t breathe. He involuntarily releases PADME, who falls to the ground, and reaches for his throat, which is being constricted by something invisible. ANAKIN’s eyes are blazing with rage. The ASSASSIN is choking to death. With his dying gasp he lifts his blaster and tries to aim it, but ANAKIN Force-grabs it from his hand as well. The ASSASSIN falls to his knees, still clawing at his throat. PADME watches as ANAKIN comes forward and, standing over him, makes full eye contact with the ASSASSIN as he finally falls over dead. ANAKIN suddenly HOWLS with rage and kicks the corpse.

PADME: Anakin! Anakin, it’s over.

She rushes to his side and puts her hand on his shoulders, trying to calm him in his rage. Finally he snaps out of it, a little. He stumbles away and rubs his forehead as if what’s happened has caused him physical pain.

PADME: Anakin?

ANAKIN: That…didn’t feel…I’ve never done that before…using the Force shouldn’t feel like that….

Finally he looks at Padme, and gets some control over himself again.

ANAKIN: Pack your things, Senator. We can’t stay here.

PADME: I’ll talk to the Queen. There is a place in the mountains —

ANAKIN: No. Ask the Queen for a ship. We’re leaving Naboo.

PADME: (growing stubborn) Anakin, you can’t command me.

ANAKIN: I was charged with your protection, My Lady. Whoever wants you killed just found you, and they’ll find you again. I listened to you before and they almost murdered you at the secret place “you know very well”. We can not stay here.

PADME: Then where will we go?

ANAKIN thinks for a moment. He suddenly has another flash of memory from his dream: he sees SHMI again, smiling before being taken away. He looks at PADME.

ANAKIN: We’ll go to Tatooine. Can you get us a ship?

PADME is a bit taken aback at his intensity. She nods.

ANAKIN: Good. You’ll be safer there, My Lady.

He turns and starts walking back toward the villa, with ARTOO rolling along behind him.

ANAKIN: Artoo, don’t ever let me go anywhere without my lightsaber again.

ARTOO whistles. PADME glances one more time at the dead assassins on her family’s ancestral beach, and hastens to follow.

Another attack would have helped matter so much, I can’t fathom why George Lucas didn’t think of it. I think it would save the whole Naboo sequence of AOTC from feeling like the “Romancey” part of the movie; it would add some more tension and nuance to a part of the film that’s pretty tension-free; and it would start to move Anakin in our minds toward a more adult view. He’s not just a child or a teenager. By giving Padme a new way to start seeing Anakin, it would give us a new way to see him.

And of course, shouldn’t we see the first time Anakin uses the Force to strangle someone? His first hint of using the Dark Side of the Force? Why not?

That’s a good place to stop for now. Next time, we’re done with Naboo and we’re almost done with Kamino as well, which means we’ll go to Tatooine and to Geonosis. Stay tuned!

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