Wallowing in Negativity

SamuraiFrog did this one. A negative quiz! Yay!!!

Foods which disgust the crap out of me: Broccoli’s health benefits, coupled with the fact that it tastes like the essence of Satan distilled into a vomitous weed, offer proof that God has at least a wee bit of perversity inside him.

TV show I loathe: Anything on FOX “News”, particularly Glenn Beck, which I sometimes have to endure at the Y because I’ll get the exercise bike that’s in front of the teevee playing it. The man’s a stupid and deranged lunatic.

Movie I loathe: I could go on for some time on this (and probably have), but for now, let’s just say The Usual Suspects.

Music genres I loathe: I wouldn’t say I “loathe” any particular kind of music; there’s just music that is of little appeal to me. Rap, for example — I have no use for it at all.

Magazine which annoys me: Entertainment Weekly sometimes has some fun content, but its “Hipper than thou” tone and its critics in general make me want to open a vein when I read them. Lisa Schwarzbaum makes me want to vomit, she’s just so twee in her effort to anoint herself as the next Pauline Kael (whose writing never really rang my bell either, to be honest).

Makes me cranky at restaurant: When the server completely disappears when literally all there is left for me to do is pay the check. That bugs the crap out of me.

Makes me cranky in public: It’s pure luck of the draw, of course, but I’m always irritated when I arrive at the place where I’m buying coffee, and all I want is a medium coffee, and I get behind the person who orders the Double Caramel Latte With Extra Foam.

Makes me cranky in general: In Washington, “Bipartisanship” is defined as “Republicans getting what they want no matter what”. Also, gutless Democrats.

Pisses me off at home: For a long time, our apartment building had only three of eight units rented, and it was nice and quiet. Now they’re up to six of eight and it’s noisy and the people downstairs play crappy music and there’s often less hot water when I shower than I would like.

Pisses me off at work: People who assume that my tools are common property and that they therefore have a God-given right to borrow them at will, without even asking. Sometimes they’re mystified when they learn I take them home every weekend.

Pisses me off in general: Ayn Rand fans, Creationists, climate change denialists, and the New England Patriots.

Celebrity I hate: “Hate” is kind of strong, but Kirk Cameron is incredibly irritating.

Music artist I hate: Again, no “hating”, but most of today’s pop music leaves me cold.

I couldn’t care less about: the notion of “fashion”. It’s herd mentality nonsense.

Blogger’s habit that annoys you: Hmmmm…I’m generally happy with the blog, actually.

Feature on your blog you hate: I don’t hate anything about my blog.

Movie star you despise: Despising movie stars seems kind of out there…but I’m not much of a fan of Robert Pattinson.

Politician that you hate: Most, if not all, of the R’s, and some of the D’s.

Beverage you hate: TAB soda. Remember that stuff? It was the broccoli of the pop world!

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Sentential Links #195

Linkage….

:: What would Earl Warren, the California governor nominated as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court by President Eisenhower (reportedly, to his lasting regret), and who served from 1953 to 1969, think of this new ruling? He would have opposed it vigorously. How do I know? I asked him.

:: I cooked again today! It’s so weird — this isn’t like me at all. It’s a happy side effect of being pregnant again, I guess.

:: We’ve all probably had the experience of reading a great SF novel and lending it to a friend—a literate friend who adores A.S. Byatt and E.M. Forster. Sometimes our friend will turn their nose up at the cover, and we’ll say no, really, this is good, you’ll like it. Sometimes our friend does like it, but often we’ll find our friend returning the book with a puzzled grimace, having tried to read it but “just not been able to get into it.” That friend has approached science fiction without the necessary toolkit and has bounced off. It’s not that they’re stupid. It’s not that they can’t read sentences. It’s just that part of the fun of science fiction happens in your head, and their head isn’t having fun, it’s finding it hard work to keep up. (Terrific essay by Jo Walton on the particular difficulties of reading SF.)

:: Oh Syfy, where would I be without your crappy movies about homes made of bones? Where would I be if you didn’t start all movies about haunted houses with some kid being forced to climb over a vine tangled iron fence to retrieve his Babe Ruth baseball before getting mangled by some evil house? THAT is just good writing, bitches. I see nothing wrong with going inside the door that the evil house has so generously opened for you. Nothing ever bad ever happens then, right? (One of my favorite blog finds in quite a while. This fellow produces an astonishing amount of content on a daily basis. He makes me look as though I have blogstipation. Yes, I just made that word up.)

:: I have long considered Caitlin Flanagan the most flagrantly stupid woman in print.

A rich woman who lives in one of Los Angeles’ most pretentious neighborhoods with a staff of many, yet has the blazing nerve to tell less well-off working wives that they ought to stay home with their kids, Flanagan is the Phyllis Schlafly of the Late Boomer set. She writes about domestic subjects in a reactionary rage so extreme that it often seems self-wounding. If the more politically correct moms in Flanagan’s neighborhood decided it was healthy for kids to be raised with pets, Flanagan would slaughter puppies on her front lawn just to prove them wrong.

:: I’ve been fuming for several days now, thinking I wanted to write a nice, long, expletive-filled, no-holds-barred rant about recent political developments. About cowardly, disarrayed Democrats who don’t have the conviction of their own ideals, and about a President I still basically like and respect, but who really needs to get it through his head that the other side ain’t going to play nice with him, like ever, and it’s time he drops the “cool and aloof” thing and actually leads his frickin’ party. A party that I continue to vote for because I really have no other choice — it’s not like a third-party candidate has a chance in hell of getting a national seat; Mr. Nader, I’m still pissed at you! — but which continually lets me down and embarrasses me. (Tell me about it. F*** the Republicans, f*** the David Broders of the world who wet themselves if something gets passed with zero Republican votes, and f*** the United States Senate which set this situation up by taking their sweet time because of their stupid traditions. Pass the damn bill. Now.)

All for this week.

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Drew versus Peyton

I was right! And my final score picks were in the neighborhood, surprisingly enough. Huzzah!

I’m probably going to be rooting for the Colts, although a Saints win won’t bother me all that much if it happens. My general inclination is to pick the Colts on the basis of experience and the fact that the Saints combine awesome offense with a bend-but-don’t-break style of defense, which isn’t a combination that tends to serve teams well in the Super Bowl. (Just ask the Buffalo Bills.)

I didn’t watch the AFC Championship Game, figuring it would be the lesser of the two games (watched Attack of the Clones instead), but I watched most of the NFC Championship. For all the usual worship of Brett Favre, I thought he looked worse and worse as the game went on, which is usual for aging quarterbacks. His throws looked more and more forced, but even I thought that maybe he’d keep his unshakable faith in his own superhuman status under wraps by the time the Vikings had the ball in field goal range with the twenty seconds on the clock in a tied game. No dice; Favre made a move that is classic Favre, and not just from the NFC title game two years ago, either. He threw a pass that everybody on Planet Earth knew he shouldn’t even consider attempting, and it got intercepted. The Saints forced OT, and then drove for the winning field goal themselves. After the pick, Brett Favre never touched the ball again.

So now, the two weeks until the Super Bowl. Otherwise known as “Yawn Week” in the NFL. Not even the stunt of having the Pro Bowl next weekend can make this week interesting. But maybe we can get an early jump on the 2010 edition of “Will Favre play next year or not!”, which is always wild, whacky fun!

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Sunday Burst of Weirdness

Oddities abound…but apparently not wherever I lurk online the past week, because I just didn’t have much weirdness out there in which to indulge. So I went to Neatorama and chose the thing that caught my eye the most, and here it is: The Weird Experiences of Seven Dead Bodies. Wow. Some of these stories are deliciously creepy — I’d already heard of the Pope whose corpse had been propped up to “stand trial” — but the actor who left his skull to the Royal Shakespeare Company so he could play Yorick? That’s hard core.

More next week. I hope.

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In which I ensure a Jets-Vikings Super Bowl

My predictions are: Colts 31, Jets 13 and Saints 38, Vikings 24. I’ve been wrong a lot during this year’s playoffs, so I see no reason that should end. I’m conflicted on the Vikings, actually; I’ve always liked the team and a lot of my best friends, dating from my college years, are Vikings fans, so seeing them get a Super Bowl win would be nice. But Brett Favre’s annual offseason antics about whether or not he’s retiring and whether or not he wants to play and blah blah blah have soured me on Favre to the point that I don’t want to see him get another shot at a ring.

In terms of rooting interest in the Super Bowl, I’d love to see the Saints get a win…but I’d also like to see the Colts win it all, if only to shut up the Jason Whitlocks of the world who still insist that Peyton Manning is a choker, even if he’s already got a ring. So maybe Jets-Saints, so I could root for Drew Brees in peace…but I just don’t see the Jets winning today. Mark Sanchez has to remember he’s a rookie sometime, right?

Ach, screw it. I have no idea who’s going to win.

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It’s National Pie Day!

January 23 is National Pie Day! Huzzah! Pie, whether open-faced or not, is one of the most wonderful and versatile of all food categories. Pies for main courses; pizzas; pot pies; fruit pies; cream pies; such a vast array of foods that fall into the category of “pie”. Yup, I love pie!

Here’s Nigella Lawson, making a quick chicken pot pie using puff pastry:

A few years ago — Heavens, I need to do this again — I made my own Chicago-style deep dish pizza. And yes, it’s a pie, not a casserole.

Here’s a wonderful video about Chicago-style pizza. Wait until you see the cooks at Gino’s East putting the sausage into the pizza:

Thinking about pie always makes me hungry, but it can also take one’s thoughts in a rather, shall we say, cosmic direction:

And then, of course, there’s a whole other galaxy of uses for pie:

So whether you celebrate National Pie Day by baking a pie, eating a pie, or getting hit in the face with a pie, Happy National Pie Day!

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A Quiz on Writing

Steph hit me with this, and it’s pretty interesting, so:

1. What’s the last thing you wrote? What’s the first thing you wrote that you still have?

The last thing I finished? One of the two short stories I wrote last year. I don’t recall which came first, but I ran both on this blog (“Only Begotten Son” and “Partita for the End of the World”). As for the first thing I wrote that I still have? Ye Gods, let me look and see if it’s still here…yup, it is. The Star Wars fanfic I wrote in high school is still around. I really should burn that thing one of these years.

2. Write poetry?

Rarely, although I like to think I’m not awful at it.

3. Angsty poetry?

Well, gee whiz, what’s the point otherwise? I’m not entirely sure what counts as “angsty” poetry, but I do like my poetry to contain emotion. Actually, I like all of my art to contain emotion.

4. Favorite genre of writing?

It varies, really, but usually I’m either doing fantasy or horror. I’ve written exactly one story that would qualify as SF (the above-linked tale from last year). I’m writing a space opera now, but, like Star Wars, it’s really a fantasy set in space.

5. Most annoying character you’ve ever created?

My characters rarely annoy me. I always kind of like them, even the villains.

6. Best plot you’ve ever created?

Hmmmm. I rather like the plot of the space opera I’m writing now, actually. I’m not going to say anything about it, though.

7. Coolest plot twist you’ve ever created?

I like the little twist at the end of “Twelve Presidents”. It’s not really a twist, actually, but I like it.

8. How often do you get writer’s block?

Not often. More often is the general lack of enthusiasm for writing in the first place.

9. Write fan fiction?

I wrote Star Wars fanfic as a kid, in screenplay form. What I did was create new characters and put them through the basic Star Wars plot, with some changes along the way.

10. Do you type or write by hand?

I used to love writing longhand; now I mainly type. But longhand is enjoyable.

11. Do you save everything you write?

Yes, except for some stuff I wrote in my college years that is only saved on 3.5 inch diskettes in whatever file format the Macintosh was using in 1990. Yeah, I’ll never see those files again.

12. Do you ever go back to an abandoned idea?

Kind of, on occasion. I don’t so much resurrect an old idea as sometimes incorporate an old idea into something new. My current space opera project actually recycles a subplot I had in mind for one of my proto-Star Wars tales.

13. What’s your favorite thing you’ve ever written?

I honestly can’t name one. I tend to be overly impressed with the sound of my own writing.

14. What’s everyone else’s favorite story you’ve written?

Relatively few people have read anything I’ve written, with the exception of “Twelve Presidents”, so I guess that’s the answer here.

15. Ever written romance or angsty teen drama?

No teen drama, but I do include romance as an angle in most things I write.

16. What’s your favorite setting for your characters?

I’m not sure I have one. I have some settings I like — the Buffalo-like city of New Mowbray, Michigan, for one; the rural Appalachian town of Corley’s Crossing, Pennsylvania for others. Setting depends on story.

17. How many projects are you working on now?

Too friggin’ many, that’s what. I have: the space opera project, a story that takes place on the peripheries of the life of Jesus, a long-abandoned horror novel project that I’m trying to turn into a screenplay, a story about a maritally-troubled couple on a whitewater kayaking expedition in Alaska, and several essays I’ve started and abandoned. Oh yeah, and The Promised King is always lurking out there, waiting to strike me.

18. Have you ever won an award for your writing?

Unless winning the Buffalo News‘s short story contest two years ago counts, then no.

19. What are your five favorite words?

I couldn’t possibly name five favorite words, so here are five words I like: Misty, Golden, Ice, Byzantine, Calliope.

20. What character have you created that is most like yourself?

Hmmmm. Not sure, really. I don’t do roman a clef much, except for a screenplay I wrote as an exercise a year ago that is based on incidents from my life.

21. Where do you get your ideas for your characters?

My story ideas tend to suggest their own characters. I rarely create characters before the story idea comes to me; most of my tales have their genesis of the form “A person finds him or herself in this position….”

22. Do you favor happy endings?

I’m not sure, really. Bittersweet, I suppose — my endings are rarely completely happy or sad. Some are deeply sad, though.

23. Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?

Somewhat. But not a whole lot. I tend to do well with spelling and grammar along the way, but when I edit, I tend to trap lots of passages that aren’t grammatically wrong but just awkward.

24. Does music help you write?

Immensely. I’ll listen to lots of things, but I find film music my general favorite kind of music for writing, since good film music tends to be inherently dramatic.

25. Quote something you’ve written. Whatever pops in your head.

OK, here’s the opening of the whitewater kayaking story I mentioned earlier — that is, here’s the opening of that story in its current incarnation.

The seaplane banked sharply as it came round the last of the mountains and then dropped toward the surface of the icy blue lake. Stephanie Cooper closed her eyes and dug her fingers into her thighs as her stomach struggled to right itself; her husband Eric leaned as far forward as he could, rubbed his temples, and swallowed again and again, trying to keep from throwing up by sheer force of will. Their pilot, a wiry woman named Rhoda, merely reached into the seat beside her and grabbed another triscuit.

“Almost down,” Rhoda called back.

“We’re almost down,” Stephanie said to Eric.

“I heard her the first time,” Eric quickly replied, as if his wife’s voice might distract him from his work of avoiding vomiting.

Stephanie turned her head away. She’d long since given up trying to figure out how a man like Eric, who paddled the harshest rapids like he owned them, could get airsick.

The cabin suddenly went dark as the plane dropped into the shadow of the deeply forested mountains that ringed Fire Moon Lake, and beyond those mountains rose even higher mountains where the forests gave way to peaks of ice that sired the glaciers that flowed, a foot or two per year, toward the Arctic Ocean. Someday those peaks would feel the bite of the chainsaws and the tread of the logging trucks, but not now, not yet. The Yukon still had places deep in its interior that were unsullied, and for now, this would still be the realm of the elk and the mountain goats and the bears and the wolves and the salmon.

Stephanie and Eric hadn’t come for the mountains or the glaciers, though. They’d come to meet Paul Sydon, the greatest river runner in the world or so it was said, who lived on the banks of Fire Moon Lake and who, once a year, would invite someone to follow him down the River Persephone.

This river was only runnable for about four weeks a year, when its banks were filled with just enough snowmelt to make for a river but not too much to turn that river into a hundred-mile-long raging torrent. It was such a remote and unknown river that it didn’t even appear on any known maps of the region. Maybe that was because it was only a river at all for less than half the year, or maybe there was another reason. Those who had run this river before spoke of the Persephone in hushed tones. To run it was to become a member of a secret society as exclusive as any, and this club required no knowledge of arcane rituals or secret handshakes. To ask directly to run the Persephone was to guarantee that one would never have the chance, and no one who had run it would ever discuss it with those who hadn’t. All a paddler could do was dream, and hope, that one day he might find a letter in the mailbox sent from this far-off place, a letter which read simply, “If you accept, I will guide you down the Persephone. We shall depart on the date written below. Paul Sydon.” Eric still had that letter, carefully folded and kept in a drawer at home. As proud as he was to have finally been invited to run the Persephone, it wouldn’t do to post the letter to the front of the fridge. All that was ever said was that the Persephone was the hardest river in the world, harder even than the streams of the Himalayas. And Eric had run a few of those already.

And there you have it!

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An odd meme-thing

I don’t remember where I got this one, because I wrote it and saved it a long time ago for future posting…and then forgot completely about it. The rule is simple: it’s twenty things you’d like to say to someone, but don’t because it would either be socially awkward, unwise, or just plain impossible. But you do this without naming names! Cool, huh?

So, here are things I’d like to say. To…someone.

1. With your pathological need for being right combined with your obsessive taste for arguing the smallest point in any discussion in order to salvage some ground on which to claim victory, it’s a wonder you’re not a lawyer.

2. Look, instead of cutting entire sections out of the piece because they’re hard, why don’t we roll up our sleeves and rehearse them so we can do them?!

3. You can show me all the pictures of your spouse and kids all you want, but I refuse to believe that you have ever released one ounce of your pent-up sexual energy.

4. Don’t you think that the fact that the house you were working on was torn down on order by the city after being condemned reflects poorly on your work as a contractor?

5. Yes, I realize that you have a photographic memory for where all conversations ended, but I don’t, so please stop trying to pick up on “where we left off” in discussing something six months ago without giving me any kind of context, OK?

6. That flower I gave you yesterday? I gave that to you because you’re ridiculously cute and I want to go out with you. Why didn’t I say that yesterday? Because I’m a moron.

7. I see. And just telling me that at the time would have been so much harder than all the angst since then, right?

8. Oh, you’re holding me accountable on the basis of ____. Well, that’s all very nice. And I’m sure you’ll be having similar conversations with everyone else here who does the exact same thing. Of course, if you do that, you won’t have anybody left to turn out the lights at the end of the day, so….

9. Hey genius: If you knew the movie was going to suck as much as you’re saying that you knew it was going to suck, then why the hell are you here at midnight seeing the damn thing? Who willingly stays up this late to have an experience they know is going to be unpleasant?

10. You’re really telling me that, for the purposes of pricing, your daughter is under the age of twelve. When she’s six foot two, is driving your car under your supervision, and is wearing a D-cup.

11. Hey, is there some particular reason that my asking you out basically turned me from a person you’d say “hello” to and chat with to a person you wouldn’t douse with a bucket of water if flames were rushing across my body? Because seriously, that’s some harsh etiquette, there.

12. I can’t imagine why she likes you. You’re short and stupid.

13. I can’t imagine why you like me. I talk too much and accomplish too little.

14. Oh, you’re a Republican. Well, this means that we can never have coffee together. Oh wait, it doesn’t mean that at all.

15. I’m not hitting on your girlfriend just by asking if I can refill her empty coffee cup, dumbass. I’m a manager here, and one of the things I do to interact with my customers is wander about offering people refills. So slapping your hand over her cup and giving me the skunk-eye just makes you look like a dick.

16. Welcome home, and I’m grateful for your service over there.

17. Hi, you called yesterday and left me a message about coming in for an interview. I’d love to! When’s a good time?

18. Oh my God, you’re actually serious. You’re making us watch a videotape of the junior high girls’ basketball team you coach, when the Steelers are on.

19. Were it not for the fact that you know who you know, you wouldn’t amount to anything at all in this company.

20. So what? Is there some minimum amount of time you can be gone before I’m allowed to wish you were here?

So…was I talking to you? (Almost certainly not, unless some people suddenly read this blog for the first time…and in some cases, travel through time to do so….)

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Now boarding Air Chan flight number 2010….

The Buffalo Bills have finally made their choice for their new head coach. After an exhaustive search that saw the Bills’ officials interview a staggering three candidates for the job, and reject an even larger number of others for reasons only known to Ralph Wilson, the nonagenarian owner of the franchise whose ability to hold a grudge is becoming sufficient to earn him an Honorary Status as an Irishman, the team has at long last settled on Chan Gailey.

Here’s Coach Gailey, on the Georgia Tech sideline:

And here’s another Chan. This is not the guy the Bills hired.

Well, this pic I found (here) doesn’t inspire confidence:

Although the linked article does opine that Gailey is more suited to the NFL than the college game. Interesting….

What do I think about Gailey? Well…it feels like a potentially interesting hire that is unfortunately overshadowed by the white-bread way the Bills went about conducting their job search, which deflates a lot of the potential interest in the guy. So it ends up feeling “Meh”. This is not an exciting hire. Maybe it’s a good one. We’ll see.

One common complaint I’ve heard is that Gailey has never had great success in his previous head coaching jobs, and that since he’s an offensive coach by trade, his hiring is basically the offensive version of Dick Jauron. I think that’s overstating things. Gailey may not have any championships to his name, and his head coaching resume in the NFL is very brief (two years with the Cowboys), but he’s certainly been generally more successful than Dick Jauron ever was. Gailey’s been recommended for jobs by Bill Cowher; Jerry Jones (of all people!) has expressed regret for firing him after just two years; stuff like that.

So ultimately, my reaction to the hiring of Chan Gailey is that it at least has potential to not be disastrous. The real indicator will be the quality of players the new coach and GM bring in next year. Although last year’s draft was generally good (Aaron Maybin notwithstanding, but even he might have benefited from a less-shitty coaching staff that might have thought to try him out at linebacker, given his undersized-for-a-DE status), the two people responsible for most of the personnel moves during the last decade of futility, Tom Modrak and John Guy, are still here. The people who drafted John McCargo and signed Bennie Anderson are still here. That, by far, gives me the most pause.

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Something for Thursday

Who doesn’t like a good rock ballad? People who are dumb, that’s who. But people who are smart and cool like a good rock ballad. That’s how it works.

Here’s ZZTop, with “Rough Boy”.

“Ain’t got no rap, ain’t got no line, but if you’ll give me just a minute I’ll be feelin’ fine….”

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