Yesterday was a hectic day after work.
I didn’t feel like making that much effort at dinner, so I bought a rotisserie chicken and some potato salad.
I put a little gas in the vehicle.
I kept a medical appointment.
I picked The Daughter up from her day camp, and treated her to a Slurpie from 7-11.
I bought a ream of paper for the printer.
And….
I picked up the little cardboard box, about the size of a new box of checks (or the box your year’s worth of church donation envelopes come in, if you do that sort of thing), containing Baby Fiona’s ashes.
Almost three months after she was born, and almost a full month before she should have been…I brought her home.
There is “more of her” than I thought there would be. The box is surprisingly heavy. The ashes themselves are in a Zip-loc bag. They are mostly a fine gray powder, but there are bits of coarser, whiter material scattered throughout. We’ll find some kind of appropriate container sometime…but for now, her little box is wrapped in a blanket.
Three children. Two are in boxes.
Forgive me, world…but there are times when I hate you.
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You’ve been in my thoughts. But what I have to say doesn’t belong here. I’ll e-mail you privately.
Oh, man. Peace. peace.
The only words coming to mind are expletives. Since I can’t spare you anything else, I will at least spare you that.
Sometimes the world just flat out sucks. I can’t think of a single word that would be adequate here, so I’ll just say I’m sorry once more.
I wish I had something comforting to say. Just know that you, The Wife and The Daughter are never far from our thoughts.
I’m sorry, Kelly. I can’t even fathom what that’s like. Best, Alan
As a Mozart historian I have often wondered why people have not taken into account how the death of 4 of Mozart’s 6 children must have affected him and his work.
Closer to home, a dear friend of mine lost her daughter over a decade ago. See still has not fully recovered, if it is even possible to do so.
My heart goes out to you both. I wish there was more that I could say.
There are times when the hatred is appropriate. Stay strong, like you have been.
Kelly,
My heart goes out to your entire family. I wish I could reach across cyberspace and give you all huge hugs.
It’s awful how one is expected to(and must) maintain the mundane day-to-day trivialities when you’re grieving. I’m truly sorry for your family’s loss.
Words cannot even begin to convey my feelings for you and your family. Just know you’re in my thoughts.
I’m so sorry.
Words fail me. But my prayers are with you.