Coffee memories….

I’ve become pretty good at making coffee over the years (I’ve even written about all my various methods of preparation). While it took me a long time to get to drinking coffee, I have to admit my mother’s influence on me in this regard. She often spoke of how she loved coffee all the way back into her childhood, and coffee was one of her essentials, all the way up to the end.

I recall, with some embarrassment, by first attempt at making coffee, when I was in kindergarten and we were living in La Crosse, WI. One Saturday morning I wanted to make coffee for Mom, so I set out to do just that. The problem was that I didn’t understand how coffee worked. I thought it was just like making hot cocoa: spoon the powder stuff into a mug, add hot water, stir, and drink. So that’s what I did. Mom was very nice about it, even as she explained to me that no, that’s not how coffee works, and that I should leave the coffee-making to her and to the machine on the counter that made all the weird noises. (“Hisss…hissssss…WHEEZE…drip drip drip! WHEEZE, drip drip drip! WHEEZE, drip drip drip!”)

Here’s to jitter liquid and to things we learned from our mothers.

 

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Making Alton Brown’s Aged Eggnog, part one

I’ve discovered the last year or two that I really like eggnog. I’ve also discovered that my family dislikes eggnog, so…I get to drink it all! Yay! This year I’m going one step farther: I’m making my own eggnog. Specifically, I’m making Alton Brown’s Aged Eggnog.

Technically, I’ve already made Alton Brown’s Aged Eggnog, as I executed the recipe yesterday (and it’s really not a hard recipe at all, the work took all of fifteen minutes). Now I’m in the “aging” part of the job. My intent is to leave the jars unopened until no sooner than December 20. (Meanwhile, I’ll just get some eggnog in the cartons, because I’m not going to make this stuff my only eggnog for the year.) Brown says you can age this stuff for a year, if you want. I’ve no intention of doing that. (There are a few videos on YouTube of creators who do manage to wait the entire year, and they have reported back that it’s worth it. Maybe next year.)

Anyway, there’s my bounty of homemade noggy goodness, in the photo up above! The two jars look a bit different from the bottle because they are made of pink-hued glass. That’s all I could find at The Store when I realized I needed a few jars. Maybe next year I’ll track down more glass bottles, as I prefer those to jars for this sort of application, but who knows. I also have to remember, when I open these to imbibe, not to add booze to them. There’s a lot of booze in there already.

All that’s left now is to play the waiting game…which give me an excuse to use this evergreen Simpsons clip:

 

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How to make a really, really good (and gooey) breakfast sandwich

Fry two slices Taylor Pork Roll. I prefer thick slices. If you’re unfamiliar with Taylor Pork Roll, it’s a processed ham product, not unlike Spam, that is popular in New Jersey. I like it quite a lot…it really is like Spam, but in my experience it’s a little firmer and less greasy.

Also fry one egg. Over-easy, or over-medium, is what we’re going for here.

Onto your bread–bread of your choice, in this case I used a sandwich roll–layer the ingredients in this order: 1 slice of cheese, the egg (be careful not to break the yolk!), the two slices of Taylor Pork Roll (overlapped), another slice of cheese…and then close the bun.

This is what you get:

And when you bite into it, the yolk breaks and oozes its wonderful eggy creaminess all over.

Variations: change the meat, change the cheese, change the bread, cook the egg differently, put some veggies on it, whatever. In fact, there’s no one way to make a breakfast sandwich. I’ve used waffles as the bread before, to great effect:

 

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From the Books: “Make the Bread, Buy the Butter” (a repost)

From the archives:

I don’t own this book yet. But I’ve had it checked out of the library a majority of the weeks it’s been in the collection, which means that it’s well past time for me to get off my ass and buy a copy, innit? Anyway, Jennifer Reese‘s Make the Bread, Buy the Butter (subtitled What You Should and Shouldn’t Cook From Scratch) is a terrific cookbook. Not just a collection of recipes, it’s a chronicle of one woman’s quest to take more of a do-it-yourself (DIY) approach to her family’s food preparation, and the discoveries she made along the way that there are some things that you certainly should make for yourself (either because it’s easier, or cheaper, or just plain better, or all three), and that there are other things that you’re just fine buying for yourself at the store.

I haven’t done a whole lot of cooking out of the book yet (one new wrinkle is The Wife’s adoption of a gluten-free diet, which has us going in other food directions currently), but there are a lot of good insights here on food and making it yourself and the fact that sometimes it’s just fine to not do things from scratch. The book is full of frank observations, like this:

If bay leaf didn’t exist, would anyone miss it? I’ve never tasted anything and thought, This stew is just crying out for bay leaf. But I keep buying and using it nonetheless.

And Reese’s explorations are hard-core. This isn’t just about making your own breads or spice mixes or your own peanut butter. She writes about keeping — and killing — her own chickens, and keeping goats. She writes about making her own hot dogs (her conclusion? Just buy ’em.). And she writes thusly about a dish that’s wonderful when made at home, but may or may not be worth all the effort: fried chicken.

One rainy Sunday a few years ago, Isabel, Owen, and I decided to pass the afternoon by watching a DVD of The Fellowship of the Ring, that movie about hobbits and elves and Orcs that we’d been hearing about. One hundred and seventy-eight minutes later, during which we neither moved nor spoke, we looked at each other, eyes glazed. We walked straight to the car, drove to the video store, and rented The Two Towers and The Return of the King. It was getting on dusk when I pulled into the Kentucky Fried Chicken down the hill and bought dinner.

My kids were shocked. Happy, but shocked. What was going on with Mom? KFC? I wondered that myself. But we were hungry and the chicken was hot and we had five more hours of Viggo Mortensen to watch. Fifteen minutes after I pulled into the KFC, we were back on the sofa with the bucket on the coffee table, eating mediocre chicken and mashed potatoes and biscuits and watching The Two Towers. It was one of the happiest nights of my adult life and my children still get dreamy and nostalgic talking about it.

Not long ago, I cooked a grand fried chicken dinner out of Ad Hoc At Home by Thomas Keller. I bought the book based on rave reviews of Keller’s chicken, which is brined and air-dried before it is dipped in multiple coatings and fried. The effort paid off; the recipe did not disappoint. TO go with that incredible chicken — because you can’t serve fried chicken without fixins — I mashed potatoes and baked biscuits. There was a salad in there somewhere, too. Frying chicken is messy and nerve-racking because oil spatters and spits and stings your forearms and you have to do it at the last minute, which is also when you’re mashing potatoes and pulling biscuits out of the oven and pouring glasses of water and calling to everyone that dinner is ready. Leave it in the pan too long, and the chicken is ruined; take it out too soon and it’s a health hazard. You really have to be up for the logistical challenge.

And fried chicken comes with baggage: You expect fried chicken to be so good that people lick their fingers. Literally. You expect people to linger at the table and loosen their belts, lean back in their chairs, tell stories, pull out a bottle of corn likker. You expect people to somehow recognize that this isn’t a meal like all other meals.

Sometimes all of that will happen.

Sometimes it will not.

By the time we sat down, I was bleak with exhaustion, everyone was ravenous, and we put away that chicken in about ten minutes flat. The coating formed a crispy sheath around meat that, thanks to brining, was juicy and flavorful through to the bone. The potatoes were a celestial cloud of starch and butter; the biscuits, perfection. But I don’t remember a thing anyone said; I don’t remember anyone lingering at the table or thanking me or recognizing that the meal was special or iconic or hanging around afterward to drink corn likker. One of these days I will forget the evening ever happened. I suspect Mark and the children already have. But that night we ate KFC on the sofa and watched The Two Towers? That, we will never forget.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that the symbols of wholesome domestic happiness — hot biscuits, a platter of home-fried free-range chicken, a family sitting around a table — are not domestic happiness. The family sitting in front of the TV with the bucket may be experiencing more joy and grace and love. Or, of course, they may not be.

Should you make your own fried chicken or buy KFC? Reese says there’s no easy answer to that, and I tend to agree. I’ve made my own fried chicken, and had a good time doing it. And you can probably tell by my self-photos that I’ve had my share of KFC.

I need to buy this book…and even after I do, I’ll probably keep checking it out periodically, just to keep its circulation numbers up.

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I’ll take “Things Measured by ‘a cuppa'”, Ken

UPDATE, 8/7/23: I have added a clarification below.

I’ve heard of a “cuppa joe”.

I’ve heard of a “cuppa cocoa”.

I’ve made many a recipe with a cuppa flour or a cuppa sugar.

This one, seen at the farmer’s market yesterday, was a new one:

Yup. A cuppa bacon!

For four bucks, you’d better believe I got one. And then The Wife, who had lingered at a previous stand, arrived and wanted some of my bacon! Did I give her any? Of course not! But did I give her four bucks so she could get her own and thus avoid any marital strife over a refusal to share bacon? You bet!

CLARIFICATION: OK, she didn’t exactly demand my bacon. She joined me as I was finishing my first piece of bacon, with two to go, and she noticed the Cuppa Bacon guy. I said, “Yeah, it’s really good!” That’s when she realized I was eating the bacon. She had seen me eating something, but she assumed it was the deep-fried dumplings I often get from a place two stalls down. I reached into my pocket for my money and said, “Do you want some?” She replied, “Yes!” and went to grab some from my cup. That’s when I said, “No, get one of your own! Here’s four bucks!” Because me having two pieces of bacon and her having one piece of bacon will do in a pinch, but if we can each have three pieces, well, that’s the stuff of which marital bliss is made.

Sorry the focus is lacking…I was trying to manipulate my phone camera with one hand while holding my bacony goodness with the other. I was only partially successful.

The guy was cooking thick-cut bacon with maple syrup in a big pot. The point of this wasn’t actually to sell bacon; it was a demo for something called a “rocket stove”, which is essentially a three or four-foot tall pillar which houses burning fuel inside and chimneys all that heat out a relatively small opening at the top, resulting in a high, natural heat. I’m intrigued by the concept, actually, for applications like stir-frying; it’s hard to get the wok screaming hot enough in a household kitchen to really stir-fry properly. (At least, it’s hard to do it without smoke.)

Finally, the cuppa-bacon concept reminded me of one of the jokes in MAD Magazine‘s parody of 2001: A Space Odyssey, when astronauts Bowman and Poole are sitting down to dinner on the Discovery:

BOWMAN: I’ve brought you dinner: a glass of steak, a glass of potatoes, a glass of pie, and a glass of ice cream.
POOLE: Nothing to drink?
BOWMAN: Yeah, a piece of coffee!

This is mocking an actual thing in the movie, by the way. Astronaut food was always good for a few laughs in the 1960s!

 

 

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Pizza Hut Memories (a repost)

Earlier today I saw this tweet from a local Buffalo foodie whose content I’ve enjoyed for years:

Some years ago, Pizza Hut notably exited the entire Western New York market. There were once, oh I don’t know, maybe thirty or forty Pizza Huts in the region (including the Rochester and Western Finger Lakes area), but they were all gone, all at once. I worked for Pizza Hut for four years back in the 1990s (I’m less than a year away from the 30th anniversary of my hire date there!), and back in 2008 I wrote the post below about my experiences working there. It wasn’t a great job, by any means; it sucked in a lot of ways, not the least of which was that Pizza Hut was as cheap as any fast-food establishment back in those days. Six years after I left the Hut, I started work at The Store as an entry-level part-time maintenance worker whose job was emptying garbages and cleaning bathrooms, and my starting pay was more than I was making at the end of my four-year career as a Pizza Hut shift manager, so that tells you something.

But there were some good and fun times there, too. As a lover of all things pizza, I’m never one to look down on a well-made pizza, no matter what style, and I believe to this day that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a Pizza Hut pizza, if it’s properly made. (The recipes, at least back then, were easy for an unmotivated cook to screw up, and if you did screw up the recipes, the result could be pretty poor. I have no idea what the recipes are like now.) Also, while I generally don’t put a ton of stock into the idea that specific drinks need to be served in specific vessels, there are times that’s true: Pepsi simply does not taste nearly as good in any vessel other than those old-school pebbled-texture red plastic glasses they had at Pizza Hut. Also, no iteration of Pac-Man or Ms. Pac-Man was ever as much fun as the sit-down cocktail-lounge style machines they had at Pizza Hut. And you couldn’t beat those cheesy fake “Tiffany” style lamps that tried to make you think they were stained glass worked into the shape of the words “Pizza Hut”.

I read this old post and I remember a lot of that stuff with clarity, much of which I’d forgotten about. The Pizza Hut upper managers–Area Managers and a Market Manager–spent so much time in existential angst over the impending arrival in the WNY market of Fazoli’s and Papa John’s! Now, years later, I think there might be a Papa John’s or two in the area, and Fazoli’s has been gone so long I doubt anybody remembers it who didn’t have a Pizza Hut Area Manager babbling constantly about it for two years.

And now, years later, I can admit one bit of unsavory customer service in which I used to engage. If you’ve been in restaurants, you remember the people who would come in late at night and then…just sit there. Until well after closing. And they would not take the hints: turning off the music, putting chairs on the tables, running the vacuum. They’d sit and they’d sit and they’d sit, and they wouldn’t be the least bit apologetic when they left, either. Well, I had my own way of dealing with that: I cranked the air conditioning in the dining room. This actually tended to work pretty well, especially if the squatters were middle-aged or older; folks like that hate being cold, and when the air duct is blowing right on them (we had an, ahem, “unspoken” policy of seating very-late customers beneath the AC vents), their squatting became a lot less enjoyable. And they never complained! They didn’t catch on! The most any of them ever said was, “Wow, it’s cold in here without the ovens on!” Yeah, that’s it. So I offer that tip to you, O Weary Restaurant Workers Of The World: A cold dining room is quickly an empty dining room.

I remember those four years with a mixture of angst for time I really could have put to better use, but also with a certain bit of wistful remembrance. They weren’t bad years…but if given the opportunity to trade those years for different ones, well…I’d have to ask what you’re offering, is all.

Here’s the old post.

One mildly unremarkable news story that happened in Western New York during the period when I was on extended blogging hiatus [I took about three months off from blogging in late summer and early fall of ’08.] was the closing throughout the region of a whole bunch of Pizza Hut locations, including the one where I started working back in May of 1994. There’s nothing much remarkable about this; suburban Buffalo is blessed with an abundance of former Pizza Huts that are now dentist’s offices, early education places, Chinese takeouts, and so on. I’ve avoided talking much about those years in my professional life, but now, since the restaurant where I started isn’t even open anymore and since I left Pizza Hut’s employ in May of 1998, more than ten years ago, I figure it’s safe to describe what it was like back then.

In May of 1994 I really needed a job, since the part-time gig I had at St. Bonaventure University was no longer available. Luckily, I had a connection with the local Pizza Hut (hereafter, ‘PH’) management team, in the person of the girl I was dating at the time. (I’d later marry that girl, so no hard feelings that through her I ended up working at PH.) Long tale shortened, she put in a good word for me, which in addition to my Mad Job Interview Skillz, got me hired as a cook. At that time, the city of Olean, NY had two PH locations. Since I was dating one of the managers at one, I ended up at the other. Thus it began.

Olean’s remaining PH location is in the “main business district”, which basically means it’s in “downtown” Olean. The other one was in a fairly sleepy location (at the time), and it was a much smaller, and older, facility. I’m not sure how old it was, but it was old. I’d gone to that PH as a teenager, eight or nine years earlier, with fellow members of the concert band after school concerts. In the time I lived in that town – and we moved there in 1981 – I don’t ever remember a PH not being at that spot. The place was ancient, with extremely tight quarters in the “back of the house”. When I started, there wasn’t even a mechanical dishwasher; all dishes were washed by hand. This was, you may surmise, less than fun. That PH location finally got a dishwasher a few years later, after I had moved to the other location in town.

One funny little quirk of the place was that the big drain in the middle of the parking lot wasn’t actually connected to the city’s storm drainage system, so that when we got a big rain, the lot would invariably flood. This went on for years, with the company paying some local outfit to come out with some long hose and a pump to send the water into the storm drains proper, which were just past the entrance to the parking lot. Three years would go by before the company would finally authorize the work to actually connect the lot drain to the city drains. I have no idea how much the guy made who came out to pump the lot before that happened, but I’ll bet it was a lot.

This drainage problem led, on one memorable occasion, to a moment of high comedy when my manager became convinced that the problem was that a pizza box had lodged over the drain cover, thus preventing the water from going down. He set out to remove the phantom pizza box. The problem was that the lot was heavily puckered toward that drain, so the water quickly reached a depth of more than a foot. Manager guy (whose name I don’t even recall anymore) decided that rather than get wet, he’d walk out there in two mop buckets, one foot in each one. Unfortunately for him, Manager Guy was also a small, not-very-heavy guy, so when he moved himself – standing in his two mop buckets – far enough out into the lot, the buckets actually started to float. I’m not sure how he managed to extricate himself from that situation without falling and completely dousing himself, but watching him float in two mop buckets in the middle of our parking lot was fairly surreal.

At the time, PH had a menu item called a “Neapolitan pizza”. This was one of their takes, over the years, on the foldable New York City-style crust. It was actually a decent pizza, but it went off the menu shortly after I was hired, so that was that. But we had one regular customer who was quite the pain in the arse, and he always ordered a Neapolitan. He was a cranky old guy who looked the part: old jeans and t-shirt, ball cap with the mesh back that he just kind-of perched on top of his head, and a permanent expression that made quite clear that he remembers how hard things were back in the day. Anyway, this guy would order his Neapolitan with pepperoni, and then he’d stand at the counter staring at you the entire time. Since I would always be working the “cut table” – the spot where pizzas come out of the oven, and are then cut for either boxing or placed on peels or in their pan for dine-in – he’d be staring hard at me. And then, as he realized his time was nearing, he’d start yelling at me: “Don’t burn my pizza!” He’d order me to pull the bloody thing from the oven the second I could reach in there and grab it, and I’d indulge him just to get him the hell out of there. The problem there is that pulling a pizza from a conveyor-belt oven before it’s completely exited results in underbaked pizza, but that was fine by this guy; he wanted his pizza to be somewhere between “yellow” and “perfect golden brown”. The other problem was that on an underbaked pizza, the cheese and toppings will slide all over the place, a problem which I’m sure this guy had because he would invariably tilt the pizza box way up to a 45-degree angle on his way out the door, which had to result in all of his toppings sliding to one side. And yet, every week, there he was.

Anyway, I started by learning how to make pizza the PH way. I have to be honest here, folks: I know that a lot of people think that PH is basically the lowest form of pizza that exists, but I’ve never had a problem with the PH product itself, as long as it’s made correctly. I really think they’ve got some good food there, at least as good as any corporately-developed product can be. (Well, not always. They did have some misfires while I was there. Their take on stromboli, called simply “Boli”, weren’t anything to write home about; neither was the “Tripledecker”, a pie that came with two thin crusts, between which was sandwiched a layer of cheese, with the sauce, regular cheese, and toppings above the upper crust. That thing was a major pain to make, you could feel your arteries hardening while you ate the thing – and that’s not even bringing up the twist they introduced on the Tripledecker, the “Tripledeckeroni”, which put a layer of pepperoni on top of the cheese that was inside the two crusts. Oy. As for the Boli, it wasn’t very popular at all, but that’s probably because they rolled that thing out at the same time they offered a special all-summer-long promotion called “Pizza and More”, which meant that if you dined in and ordered anything over and above a medium with cheese, you got unlimited salad bar, breadsticks, and dessert pizza. This thing was a nightmare.)

While I worked for PH, the method of pizza making changed not once but three times. One method involved color-coded cups to measure out the ingredients, which were then layered on the pizza in a specific order; another eschewed layering in favor of tossing it all, cheese and all, into a mixing bowl and then spreading that all over the pie. I have no idea how they do it now, but I thought the system they had when I left was pretty good. That was when they switched from canned veggies to fresh ones, which is probably when I realized that while canned mushrooms taste like rubbery shit, fresh mushrooms are a gift from Heaven.

Anyhow, that little PH is closed now, leaving just one in Olean. That surprises me, a little, although Olean’s probably like every other town in Upstate NY, with population slowly leaking away. However, a year or two after I was hired, the end of town where that tiny PH was located became much busier with the additions of a new Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Staples, Home Depot, a new movie theater, and so on. That the place has now closed interests me, since in terms of location, it was in a pretty good spot.

I haven’t set foot in those restaurants in nearly ten years, so I have no idea if any of the people I worked with are still there. About six months into my PH career, the manager there (the skipper of the USS Mop Buckets) left to pursue other opportunities, so The Girlfriend was promoted to the job of manager. This meant that I had to transfer to the other, larger restaurant, which was also a lot busier. That was when I started training to become a shift manager, which felt like a big deal at the time. Of course, PH isn’t a place that showers money on its workers, and when I eventually left PH, it was for another company that starts its dishwashers at a higher wage than what I was making at PH to run the place in the boss’s stead.

But I digress. What else do I remember from my years at The Hut? Well:

I remember the craziness on every other Thursday night, because that was when the biweekly “coupon drops” hit the newspaper. Our business was heavily spiked by the coupons that ran in the paper every other week…except one week, when we all stood around at 5:00 waiting for the phone to ring. Eventually it did, when the little old lady whose phone number had been misprinted in the ad as being our phone number finally called us to see why on Earth everybody in town was calling her to order pizza. Oops.

I remember the cook who’d been with PH forever when I got hired. He lived right around the corner in a trailer park, and he had a monster crush on his next door neighbor, the “Neighbor Lady”, as he called her when he talked about her, which was often. I’ve wondered what became of that guy, whether he was still there, and whether he had to find a way to get to the PH across town. He didn’t have a car at the time, and I don’t know if he even drove.

I remember a delivery driver whose forehead broke into a massive rash when he wore our ballcaps. I’ve never seen anything like that, before or since. He came to me and said, “Dude, I can’t wear this hat. Look.” He had this giant crimson stripe running right across his forehead. It was amazing to behold. There was another delivery driver who was a really bad employee; he just had trouble showing up for work, and when he was finally shown the door by management, he actually asked, “Can I go work at the other PH now?” There was a very sweet driver who was an evangelical Christian, and yet she had a pretty good sense of humor, especially with regards to the fairly salty humor the rest of us tended to display, and another evangelical Christian driver who refused to run a delivery to the local sex-toy shop when they placed an order. Drivers were a fun lot to have around, even if we were always short on them. It got quite maddening to hire a good driver, only to have them come to us a month later and tell us they needed to quit because of the wear and tear on their cars. What did they expect?

I remember working the first night that the company started running advertising on teevee for the newest thing, our “Stuffed Crust” pizza. We got absolutely killed that entire weekend. Cheese in the crust? That was a home run of an idea. What I remember most from that first night the ads ran was a family who let their snotty twelve-year old son place their order; he was such a little shit on the phone with me that his mother called us back to apologize and confirm that we hadn’t tossed their order.

Prank orders were fun, too. Strangely, fake delivery orders rarely happened. There were some kids who once a month tried having ten pizzas sent someplace; I always just took the order and then ignored it. The more annoying thing was when people would place a carry-out order at my PH, and then show up at the other one to pick it up, or vice versa. The phone numbers were completely different.

Lunch buffet was usually a fun ninety minutes; we had a pretty cool crowd that included some local teachers who were all really nice people. The bad days for buffet were when there was a half-day of school, because we were walking distance from the middle school. In my experience, unsupervised middle school kids are the worst behaved of all childhood age groups. Those days were nightmarish. On one such day we knew we were going to get crushed, so I called in extra help: this old lady whom we’d hired to do nothing but carry pizzas out to the buffet. She said she’d be right in…and promptly went to her other job, at a local department store, thinking it was them and not us who’d called her in. Oy.

I remember having to call the fire department when one of our inset light fixtures in the building blew. They brought over three fire trucks for this, even though we were literally right next door to the fire department. I mean, right next door. As in, you had our building, the parking lot, and then the fire hall. I never complained about feeding those guys cheap again. (We gave then a fifty percent discount at the time.)

I remember people who genuinely didn’t understand why they could call us from ten miles outside of our delivery area and expect our drivers to go to some dark parking lot just inside the delivery area and wait to make the exchange. I also remember people who would get indignant when we had a monster snow storm and we had to shut down delivery service for the night. Funniest were the Canadians who would call us for delivery to the Holiday Valley ski clubs in Ellicottville, which is twenty-five miles from Olean. One funny Canadian once said to me, when I explained that we didn’t deliver at such distances, “Wouldn’t you think a ski town like this would have a pizza delivery joint?” He had a fair point. I wonder if Ellicottville ever got its own pizza delivery joint?

I remember the guy who called our 1-800 number to bitch because we were closed early; our posted hours were until 10:00, and he was pissed we were closed when he showed up at 9:15. Why did we close? Because half the town, including us, was out of power when a drunk drove his car into a transformer. We were without power for more than three hours starting around dinner time. The guy who complained wasn’t about to concede anything to us, not even on the point that had we opened right then and let him in, we wouldn’t have been able to cook anything for him. None of that mattered, though; he was going to get his complaint in.

Great customers? We had ’em, people whose faces and, in a few cases, even names I still remember. There was the older couple who came in each and every Tuesday night around 8:30 to share a medium Supreme, and there was the lady with the incredibly bubbly and infectious smile who came in every other Thursday for a large pepperoni. We also had a very picky elderly woman who would come in for an order of breadsticks and a Diet Pepsi, but she was such a stickler for freshness that she insisted on physically witnessing the cutting of the sticks and the pouring of the Pepsi. One night I saw her walking in the door, so that’s when I cut her breadsticks, just so I could hand her the box at the exact moment she arrived at the pickup window. She shook her head and said, “I’ll wait for the next pan.” Okey-dokey…this went on once or twice a week for months until one day she comes in and says to the other shift manager, “You guys always take good care of me, so I’d like to do something nice. How about tickets to a Sabres or Bills game?” It turned out that she was the wife of John Rigas, then-owner of the Sabres and also then-not-yet-convicted for fraud. So it was because of her that I got to watch a Bills game from the comfy confines of the former Adelphia Cable luxury suite. (The Bills lost. It was the Todd Collins era.)

Of course, there were also the not so good customers. For the first year and a half I worked there, we had lunch buffet on Sundays, which was a colossal pain in the arse, as it lasted two hours (as opposed to the ninety minute weekday buffet) and being Sunday there wasn’t much “lunch hour” business, so tables turned much more slowly. We’d fill up with church families, most of whom were all very nice, but there was one family that would insist that their two daughters were both under twelve years old, so as to get the lower price. This despite the fact that I could observe one of the girls driving, and that both were, shall we say, richly endowed for eleven year olds. I was always amazed that this family thought nothing of leaving church on a Sunday and making it their first order of business to come to PH and bear false witness in order to save a few bucks.

Sometimes we’d host childrens’ birthday parties. Servers hated these because they required much more intensive attention to the party, which meant that they couldn’t take many other tables while the party was there, usually resulting in lower tips. Once a party came in and took up a server for two hours, during which she did nothing but wait on that party. They left no tip at all. Our menus at the time stated a policy of charging automatic gratuities on parties of eight or more people, but upper levels of management directed us not to enforce this policy. I have never understood this; I have never yet met a server who dispute my view that large parties tend to tip less.

My coworkers were, for the most part, all nice people, with the occasional dud. I’ve often wondered what became of more than a few of them. I attended a couple of weddings for coworkers, and a bunch of them attended mine. A Friday morning ritual for several years was to breathlessly discuss the events on the previous night’s episode of ER (this was when the show was fresh, new and good.) Oddly the Bills were never much a topic of discussion, but one guy I worked with was ecstatic when the Yankees won their first of several World Series, in 1996. Back then cell phones were new and only three or four employees had them; I was talking about movies with another employee when he asked me, “Hey, at the bottom of all the movie posters these days, what’s all that stuff that says ‘HTTP’, colon, backslash backslash”? One guy came along who was a terrific geek, and we merrily discussed Star Wars (the Prequels were just rumored at that point) and The X-Files and such, until he left a few months later. I think he became a teacher eventually. Good on him; he’d have been a good one.

For a while, all the PH locations west of Syracuse were in one big division, but apparently there weren’t enough area directors right then, so for a while, each area director was responsible for seventeen or eighteen restaurants. So when ours showed up for his monthly visit to go over numbers, he brought in all of his paperwork in a giant binder on our restaurant, sat down with my manager, and…discovered that he’d brought the books for the wrong restaurant. That was pretty funny. I was highly intimidated by that guy, for some reason. Ever since then, I’ve wondered why. He was, after all, just a guy.

Gradually, the Upstate New York market got chipped up as the company sold off certain markets to franchise operators. For the time I worked for PH, our restaurants were company-owned, but it wasn’t long after I left that all of the WNY PH locations became franchise-operated as well. Since then, I’ve seen ads on teevee for lots of new products they’ve come out with: another attempt at a New York City crust called the “Big New Yorker”; a calzone thing apparently called a “P-Zone”; baked pasta dishes that come in big foil pans; other versions of bread sticks, and so on. I’ve never had any of these, although that P-Zone thing looks pretty lethal.

It was interesting to work at PH during the 1990s, when all kinds of new casual-dining restaurants, each with its own “concept”, were coming along. Shortly after I started, PH acquired a chain of sub sandwich from New England called D’Angelo’s, and they then started to roll these out into Western New York, mainly in the Buffalo area. I liked the D’Angelo subs a good deal, but that “concept” didn’t last long, and within three years, I think, all of the PH-D’Angelo restaurants had either switched to PH’s alone, or had closed altogether.

Interestingly, we didn’t spend a lot of time worrying about Domino’s or Little Caesar’s. (Probably with good reason, since I haven’t seen a Little Caesar’s in years and I have no idea where the closest Dominos to me is, either.) The big competitors we always had to worry about, or were always told to worry about, were Fazoli’s and Papa John’s. Fazoli’s was a chain of Italian fast-food eateries, like Sbarro but without the pizza. One of these opened up in Olean, right across the street from my first PH (the smaller one), right about the same time that all that other retail showed up on that end of town. It was, naturally, a really popular place for a while, and then…it wasn’t. Fazoli’s closed down in Olean after less than three years, if memory serves, and there isn’t a single one left, that I know of, anywhere in Buffalo. As for Papa John’s, we were constantly on the lookout for the major push into the Buffalo and Rochester market that they were certainly gearing up for. That major push never came. I never even saw a Papa John’s until we moved to Syracuse in 2002, when we tried it for the first time. We liked it, but the place shut down two or three months after we moved there. So much for Papa John’s.

Today, PH still exists in this area, although their footprint is even smaller than it once was. When I worked there, I attended a meeting once that was led by our “Ops Director” (two levels of management above store manager), and he told us in a spiel about business planning that the Buffalo market is hard for national pizza chains because in this city, nearly every street corner has a mom-and-pop pizza place on it. That much is certainly true. I know, off the top of my head, of six pizza joints (Nino’s, Capelli’s, Papa Geno’s, Pizza4U, Roz’s, and Ricotta Pizza) within a mile of my apartment, and we live out in the ‘burbs. My nearest PH is five or six miles distant. There is a PH about fifteen minutes away that apparently has some kind of “Italian Bistro” theme going on, and another that’s about a twenty minute drive away (fairly close as the bird flies, but impossible to get to without traversing heavily-trafficked suburban streets) that calls itself “Wing Street”. (I have zero idea what that means, outside of my supposition that it involves chicken wings in some way.)

So, that’s what it was generally like to work at PH for four years in the 1990s. It wasn’t a great job and it didn’t lead me to any particularly fantastic heights, but I did have a lot of fun and learn some stuff about working for a living. Not a bad use of four years when I didn’t much know what I wanted out of life.

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“I feel compromised, a part of an evil empire, when I eat a McNugget.” On Bourdain Day

Born this date, 1956: Anthony Bourdain.

There are few voices I miss today more than that of Anthony Bourdain. His warm-hearted embrace of the entire world, his endless curiosity, his willingness to bridge gaps and accept differences–these are qualities our world is deeply lacking today. I, myself, fall short of his example…but I do try. Obviously I’m not able to travel as much as Bourdain did, but I do what I can. His oft-cited bits of travel advice, starting with eating where the locals eat, are always well taken.

By pure good luck, I read a book of Bourdain’s wisdom this very morning, after I checked it out of the library yesterday. I didn’t even know that today was Bourdain Day, as we’re all calling it now, honoring the life of a man who modeled a way of looking at the world to which we should all aspire. The book, Anthony Bourdain: The Last Interview, is actually a short collection of several interviews, ranging from one he gave in the early 2000s to several he gave in the last few months of his life. I realize that the temptation may be there to read those last few and try to find any hint of the demons that were lurking in the dark places of his mind, but I strongly advise against it. Bourdain’s life should stand for more than just the fact of its ending.

Here are a few excerpts from the interviews in this book:

NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: How do you distinguish between tricks–and I don’t mean it in a circus sense, but just secrets–versus ten years of doing it? You serve a food to someone and they say, “what’s your secret?” as though they can just tell that to them and then tomorrow they can do exactly what you made. At what point do you say, “Look, I’ve been at this my whole life?”

BOURDAIN: There are no secrets. The secret of the restaurant business and professional cooking is there are no secrets. It is a mentoring business. Chefs spend their whole lives learning stuff, and then, because of the nature of the business, every few months teach everything they know, invest time they don’t have, in teaching somebody everything they know so that they can maybe have a Sunday off, and that they can count on a crew. It is a military hierarchy, and it is import–there are no secrets. There are no secret recipes. There are no secret techniques. Everything that you learn in a kitchen you are either told, open-source, by your immediate supervisor and that’s been shared with everybody in the kitchen, or you have learned it over time, painfully. You know, the ability to tell when a steak is cooked by listening to it in the pan or on the grill. Or determining that a piece of fish is probably ready to come out of the pan just from the sound of it–these are things you learn through repetition. And that is the great secret. It’s that this is how professionals learn, this is how home cooks should learn. People shouldn’t be intimidated by recipes. They should understand that professionals learn through getting it wrong, getting it wrong, getting it wrong, getting it wrong, starting to get it right, eventually getting it right, until it became second nature. It’s repetition, repetition, repetition. You learn all of these things, even if you don’t understand the technical, the science behind why your stew is transforming, why it’s becoming thick as it cooks longer, why your egg scrambles, why the steak gets dark on the outside when you expose it to heat. You may have no understanding of the science behind that, but you instinctively–of course through repetition–understand it, you learn to use it, and you count on it.

Bourdain on writing (this interview is from a writing conference in Sydney; the interviewer is author Jill Dupleix, whose name is apparently misspelled in the book):

BOURDAIN: I don’t work for a living. I mean…

DUPLIEX: You’re making it sound good.

BOURDAIN: I mean, writing–I have no sympathy for anyone fortunate enough to get paid any kind of money to write whining about writer’s block or how hard it is, or some sort of internal torture. You’re doing it in a sitting position, so right away, you know? I spent my whole adult life on my feet. I feel very, very lucky that anybody even gives a shit what I think. It’s not something I’m used to, and it is a privilege to be able to write and have even eight people care what you’re saying.

[A bit later in the same interview]

BOURDAIN: I’m gonna tell you something that aspiring writers or writers here will really hate me for: I’ve never written anything in my life that hasn’t been published.

DUPLIEX: Yeah, we hate you.

BOURDAIN: I have never toiled away in a garret for years writing unsuccessful or unpublished manuscripts. I wrote the article that Kitchen Confidential was based on for a free paper in New York. I figured they were lame enough to buy my piece. It ended up in The New Yorker. I got lucky. I’m always talking, telling stories. Being a little provocateur with a way with words was something that was true of me when I was a little kid. I’ve always used that skill to get the things I want, to manipulate events to my liking, to get myself into trouble, to get myself out of trouble, to hurt my enemies, to seduce people, or make people do things I would like them to do. So I was always a little…you know, my parents very early on said “You should really be a lawyer, you’ve got such a way with words.”

Bourdain on differences and contradictions within people:

BOURDAIN: I used to think that basically, the whole world, that all humanity were basically bastards. I’ve since found that most people seem to be pretty nice–basically good people doing the best they can. There is rarely, however, a neat takeaway. You have to learn to exercise a certain moral relativity, to be a good guest first–as a guiding principle. Otherwise you’d spend the rest of the world lecturing people, pissing people off, confusing them and learning nothing. Do I pipe up every time my Chinese host serves me some cute animal I may not approve of? Should I inquire of my Masai buddies if they still practice female genital mutilation? Express revulsion in Liberia over tribal practices?

Fact is, the guy who’s been patting my knee all night, telling jokes, sharing favorite Seinfeld anecdotes, making sure I get the best part of the lamb, being my new bestest buddy in Saudi Arabia will very likely later, on the drive back to the hotel, guilelessly express regret over what “the Jews and the CIA” did to my city on 9/11. What do you say to that?

Bourdain wasn’t one to hold an opinion for life, if he learned otherwise. He was very open to changing his views as his perspective evolved. I remember that he was rather disgusted by the degree to which Emeril Lagasse became a big “brand” in the 90s and early 2000s, but later on he would write an article in which he acknowledged Lagasse’s skill, knowledge, and the fact that he had paid his dues. Bourdain also famously sprang to the defense of a small-town newspaper food critic in the Midwest who praised her town’s new Olive Garden restaurant, even though he has made clear his general distaste for corporate food (see the quote in the title of this post). Here’s an example of Bourdain’s shift in perspective altering a previous strong opinion:

PETER ARMSTRONG: You said in an interview I read a couple days ago that you’ve changed your take on brunch as a result of having a kid.

BOURDAIN: Well, I hated brunch because for many years of my life, for many low points of my professional career, when I was fort of unemployable by any reputable restaurant for various reasons, I could always get a brunch gig. Because restaurants are always desperate to find somebody to cook three hundred omelettes for drunks on Sunday morning, and that was me. And so the smell of eggs cooking and French toast was always the smell of shame and defeat and humiliation until I became a dad. And now, if I want the fast track to looking cool in front of my daughter’s friends, it’s make a pancake bar for them, you know, “Your choice: chocolate chip, blueberry, or banana?”

I think what I appreciate most about Bourdain is that he rarely talks about food the way a “foodie” talks about food. He talks about the people who make it, why they make it the way they do, maybe a bit about the method of how they make it, and what it means to them in a cultural way. You almost never hear Bourdain talking about the acidity of a dish or the way it “elevates” certain ingredients or any of that Master Chef bullshit. Even when he visited a high-end restaurant on his shows, he always focused on the human connections involved with the food.

My God, I miss Anthony Bourdain. He was to food and food exploration what Carl Sagan was to science and space.

 

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Restaurants come, restaurants go….

Interior, Compass Run restaurant, Buffalo, NY

For the last couple of years we’d heard great things about a new-ish restaurant in Buffalo called Compass Run. We finally went there a few months ago and loved it and made mental notes to get back. Last night we did…but the impetus for last night’s reservation was that Compass Run announced its closing a few weeks ago. They’re only open a few more weeks, I think.

Alas!

Compass Run had a Southern-inspired, seafood-heavy menu that featured quite a few celiac-friendly selections. From what I’ve read, the restaurant is closing because the owners, who already run a successful restaurant in Buffalo called Toutant, have a young family and are likely finding the degree of work needed to run two restaurants more than is compatible with that family life. What’s interesting to me is that the site occupied by Compass Run was another restaurant by the same folks, called Dobutsu. We never made it to Dobutsu, but this is something I’ve noticed from afar over the years: people own a restaurant, and they run it for a while with a certain menu, and then they close it, remake the inside, come up with a new menu (or “concept”, in restaurant lingo), and then re-open under a new name. I often wonder if the reworking comes out of an attempt to find a more lucrative concept, or out of culinary ennui, or some combination thereof.

Restaurants open and close regularly; it’s the nature of the business. Only a few manage to stick around for years, and even those will often do so if they find new owners and chefs who are willing to carry on the tradition. Compass Run is closing, but it has a good chance of staying a restaurant–at least, that location stands a good chance. The owners have indicated that their plan is to convert the location into a leasable, turn-key restaurant, so they’ll still have a stake in the ongoing development of that particular part of town. If there is a new restaurant there soon, I hope it’s good and celiac-friendly!

Here’s some of the food we ate there. Alas!

Kentucky Waterfall cocktail. A modified Manhattan, basically.
The Captain’s Platter
Appetizer: Pork belly burnt ends.
Smash burger!

 

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Sadly, we had no canoli….

Tonight for dinner, I made a dish called “Godfather Pasta”.

It’s a dish of pasta with a cheesy garlicy sauce, also stirred in with cured Italian meats, banana peppers, roasted red peppers, and olives. It’s freakishly delicious.

After we ate, I ventured next door to sit with my father for a while. When I got over there, Wheel of Fortune had just started, and the first puzzle was:

“Make an offer you can’t refuse.”

I like it when the world synchronizes.

(If you’re curious as to how to make Godfather Pasta, I used this recipe in my Instant Pot. I modified the recipe to add a small can of sliced olives, and a second pile of banana peppers in addition to the ones that actually cook in the pot with the pasta.)

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My Blue Heaven

I learned a new drink yesterday: the Blue Hawaii.

This is not to be confused with the Blue Hawaiian, which is a slightly different drink that incorporates cream of coconut.

Via liquor.com:

The Blue Hawaii cocktail was born at Honolulu’s Kaiser Hawaiian Village (now Hilton Hawaiian Village Waikiki Resort). In 1957, a sales representative of Dutch distiller Bols asked legendary bartender Harry Yee to design a drink that featured its blue curaçao, a Caribbean liqueur made using the dried peel of the Laraha citrus fruit.

After experimenting with several variations, Yee settled on a cocktail featuring rum, vodka, blue curaçao, pineapple and sweet-and-sour. The drink is still recognized today for its signature blue color, pineapple wedge and cocktail umbrella garnish.

Now, I modified it a bit: I don’t really like vodka (except for a brand called Deep Eddy, a Texas-made line of flavored vodkas that are quite lovely), and I don’t even think I have any on hand, so I just doubled the rum. Everything else, though, I made to spec, and the result was the frothy and fruity and flavorful beverage you see above.

I’m getting better at this and I’m enlarging my repertoire! I will eventually try the Blue Hawaiian, but I doubt The Wife will join me, as she dislikes coconut, for some reason nobody can fathom.

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