DAY ONE: I am not ripe.
DAY TWO: I am not ripe.
DAY THREE: Despite my high hopes, I am still not ripe.
DAY FOUR, at 4:23am ET: Oh my God! It has happened! I am fulfilled, because I am now, at least, fully and perfectly ripe! Oh joy! Let there be dancing in the streets, for I am at long last ripe!
DAY FOUR, at 4:28am ET: Alas, though I loved being ripe for five minutes, no one has consumed me, so I must now instantly, completely, and utterly rot. Goodbye, world.
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