The deck chairs are in order, Captain Smith.

Did you know that, even as NASA has ended the space shuttle program with no replacement and no real direction for future space policy, we’ve made it illegal for NASA to enter into cooperative space projects with China? I didn’t, either.

It’s one thing to mistakenly pursue bad policy on the belief that it’s good policy, but I’m really starting to think that our country is deliberately opting for bad policy whenever possible. These are truly amazing times to be alive, and I don’t entirely mean that in a good way.

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“Dead or alive, you’re coming with me.”

Robocop the romance novel

I swear, I have no idea why Robocop is riding a unicorn. No idea at all. But anyway:

Funny story about the first time I saw Robocop: I watched it on VHS with my parents because a coworker of my father’s told him how good it was. I found that highly amusing, because from what I knew of Robocop, I knew that my father was exceedingly unlikely to enjoy it much at all. I have never known my father to have the least inclination toward science fiction in any way, and he’s not terribly big on violence. And back then, I seem to recall he didn’t much care for use of the word ‘F***’ in his movies. Robocop had three strikes against it, going in, and no, it didn’t recover. Not his cup of tea at all. But I liked it.

The movie was a staple of our action-movie watching in college, but since then, I hadn’t watched Robocop in a really long time (I don’t honestly know if I’ve ever watched it in its entirety, uncut, since college), until the other day I saw it streaming on Netflix, so I decided to watch a little bit of it. Which turned into the whole thing. Go figure. Only problem was that I was doing this on a whim and I’d already had an afternoon snack, so I didn’t make popcorn. And really, Robocop is one of the popcorniest movies ever made.

So I’ve always liked Robocop. The sequel was meh, but the original has always been a good flick. However, in my head I’ve always kind of viewed Robocop as a prep film for some of the better stuff director Paul Verhoeven would do later on — Total Recall, Starship Troopers. I remember Robocop being perfectly good, but not extraordinary. Turns out that Robocop is a lot better than I recall.

The story is, I assume, familiar to anyone who is still reading this post. At some point in the future, things in Detroit have become so bad that the police force has been privatized by a company called OCP, which is looking for new, technological approaches to law enforcement. The first such approach involves big robots called ED-209’s, which turn out to be a bit…overzealous. (During a demonstration at a board meeting, the ED-209 machine-guns a young executive to death, leading the CEO to do a facepalm as this young fellow’s corpse is oozing blood from a hundred bullet holes all over the boardroom floor.) Enter another young up-and-coming executive, who wants to show up the guy whose pet project just splattered some guy’s guts all over the board room. His notion is to turn a cop who has been fatally wounded into a robotic police officer.

He almost immediately gets his wish, when our hero, Officer Murphy (Peter Weller), is brutally shot a number of times by a very bad man named Boddicker (Kurtwood Smith) and then left for dead. Murphy is somehow ‘saved’ by doctors, but when he ‘awakens’, he has been turned into a robot. Robocop.

Now, why they need a human for this is never really explained, since the idea is basically the same as ED-209 – turn police work over to a robot. Presumably ‘Robocop’ is better because of the addition of human instincts and thought patterns, but without memories, which have been wiped clean. Nothing of Murphy remains inside Robocop.

Except, well, turns out that quite of Murphy actually is knocking around in there, and as the rest of the movie goes on, Robocop tries to put together who he really is all the while trying to capture the bad guys, who have powerful allies in OCP itself. Much mayhem ensues, with Verhoeven establishing his reputation in this movie as a fairly creative director of gore-filled action.

I was struck this time, after not having seen the movie in so long, by the pacing. In the first place, Robocop just doesn’t waste any time at all. We meet Murphy in the first five minutes, and he’s been fatally mutilated and wounded about ten minutes later after an action sequence. We’re told almost nothing about him – he has a wife and kid, he started twirling his pistol before holstering it because his son saw a guy do it on teevee – and yet, the film somehow is able to make us think we know more about him than we do. Since we know so very little about Murphy, Robocop’s frustration as he tries to recover his memories is all the more engaging. It’s a brilliant device, and in a lesser movie, there would be about fifteen minutes of stuff letting us “get to know” Murphy before his killing. We don’t really feel a sense of loss until Robocop himself feels a sense of loss.

The pacing also keeps the film focused on events and actions, and only in passing mentions the various moral issues behind its story. Verhoeven’s suspicions of corporate capitalism are clear, but there are no big speeches about it in Robocop, just rapid-fire angry conversations between rival executives. (“Who cares if it works? Military contracts! Selling spare parts for twenty years!”) The Robocop seems cool in itself, and it’s chilling in retrospect that no one ever questions the morality of a project that is just waiting for some poor cop to get killed in the line…and worse than that is the fact that OCP has maneuvered cops around in order to ensure that one of them will get killed in the line, sooner rather than later. Risks and personality assessments are cited as methods for determining where to put the cops who may die, but again, in keeping with the film generally keeping us in the dark with respect to Murphy, we are not told exactly what it is about Murphy that makes OCP determine that he’s likely to get killed in his new assignment.

In terms of design, Robocop himself is iconic, with his helmet that conceals everything except his jaw. I always find this a bit interesting – why not just cover his entire face? Of course, it’s because we need some reason to still see him as a human being, and for most of the time he’s onscreen, that jaw is it. He doesn’t do much of anything else with his mouth except speak, leaving Robocop to show his growing frustration mainly through body language, such as when he is exploring his old house and experiencing bits of old memory and puts his fist through the teevee screen realtor.

We do get to look at Robocop without his helmet late in the film, and it’s not the prettiest sight, but that’s when we really know that Murphy-the-person really is inside there, and he hasn’t been entirely erased. There’s a moment prior to that, though, that hints that this is the case. It’s blink-and-you-miss-it stuff: when the bad guy sics ED-209 on him, Robocop’s visor is broken in a couple of places, and Verhoeven throws in a couple of quick closeups of his fear-filled eyes. It’s enormously effective, and it really cements Robocop as a character in this movie, as opposed to…well, whatever he’d be otherwise. A prop, perhaps.

Robocop‘s prognostications of the future are mainly hit-or-miss. The world of the “clean future” is one of antiseptic concrete; wood and metal are mainly used to depict Old Detroit, the run-down place where chaos still reigns. There are newscasts which give a bit of “future news”, telling us a bit of what’s going on in the world. I’m not sure why they bothered; none of this really adds much to the film, except for the bits that deal specifically with Detroit, and in any case, the prognostications seem to take the various strifes of the 1980s and project them forward forty years or so. Thus we have wars in South Africa and Central America.

I also am of mixed mind on how the movie ends: Robocop dispatches the main bad guy, there are about two lines of dialogue, and then, smash cut to credits. I always find the ending vaguely unsatisfying – but then, I’m not entirely sure how to better wrap things up. The film certainly leaves open a lot to be explored in possible sequels, particularly, Robocop’s explorations of whether he’s a person or not. It’s too bad only one relatively lackluster sequel was made.

Basil Poledouris’s score is a highly-regarded piece of SF-action film music, and deservedly so; it’s appropriately futuristic sounding without being otherworldly. I realized that the main theme, the Robocop theme, isn’t heard until we’ve first met Robocop and he’s gone out onto the street to do cop stuff. Of course, that main theme is one of the great earworms of film music history. Just try watching this movie and then not end up humming that tune for days.

It’s too bad that Robocop didn’t lead to anything more than what it already is, but one good film is more than a lot of franchises get, right?

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Sunday Burst of Weird and AWESOME!

Oddities and Awesome abound!

:: Brilliantly sarcastic replies to completely well-meaning signs. Some of these are actually not that funny at all, but those that are, are worth scrolling past the ones that aren’t.

:: This comic is in Korean, but you don’t have to read Korean to get the gist of what’s going on. Be warned: this is unnerving. It certainly got under my skin.

:: Happy Belated Birthday, Sir Connery!

More next week!

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Grand Central


031, originally uploaded by MTAPhotos.

Eerie: Grand Central Station after the last trains have departed in the anticipation of Hurricane Irene. Hopefully Lex Luthor’s lair is waterproof!

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Step One: I am powerless before lumens….

I have a co-worker who likes to poke fun at my addiction. Now, it’s not usually nice to make fun of someone’s addictions, but in this case, well, it’s part of my coping strategy. And at least I admit that I have this addiction, which I’m told is the first step toward dealing with it. My problem is…that aside from admitting the existence of this addiction, I have little intention of stopping it any time soon.

My addiction?

Flashlights and worklights.

I can’t get enough of ’em. I love ’em. Whenever I find myself in possession of a gift card to Lowe’s or Home Depot and I genuinely can’t think of a new tool that I really need to get, I default to a flashlight or a worklight. I can’t stop! And I’ve been this way virtually all of my life. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t excited by flashlights, all the way back to the first one I remember owning, when I was five or six, and one of my birthday (or Christmas, or Easter, or some point when my parents just wanted to shut me up) gifts was one of those red plastic Ever-ready flashlights.

How many flashlights do I own? Well, here’s a guided tour…and this isn’t even all of them!

OK, first up. I keep this fellow in my laptop bag, because it’s my belief that one should always have some kind of flashlight ready to hand, and in this way, I’m always prepared for a sudden need for light should such a need arise. It’s also a combination laser-pointer: you click the button once for light (it has 8 LEDs), twice for laser, and thrice for light and laser.

Flashlights I: Combo flashlight and laser pointer

Next up is this old-school Maglite. This is in my toolbag at work. In truth, I rarely use it, because most times at work when I need light I reach to the one of two lights that I carry on me at all times. (More on those later.) In my experience, Maglite’s flashlights are of very high quality. Unless you actually set out to break them, they just don’t wear out. I have one of those black D-cell “billy club” Maglites — not pictured in this post — that I bought twenty years ago, and it still shines as brightly as ever. I’ve never even had to change the bulb.)

Flashlights IV: Old-school Maglite

You can buy kits to retrofit Maglites so as to remove the incandescent bulbs and fit them with LEDs, but I’ve never bothered.

Then there’s this nifty light by Stanley:

Flashlights X: Stanley folding tripod light

Looks pretty cool, doesn’t it? It’s fairly big, actually — that thing fits a two-handed grip, which makes it feel like…yeah…a lightsaber handle! Yes! But that’s not why I bought this light. I got this one because of a nifty feature. See how it has two buttons? The one closest the lens turns on the light (a very bright LED). The lower button, though, springs open the legs, creating a tripod. And the head swivels, allowing you to do this:

Flashlights IX: Stanley folding tripod light

Thus a hand-held flashlight becomes a free-standing worklight. This has proven highly useful to me over the last few years!

Also in the worklight department is this item, from Ryobi’s Tek4 line of products:

Flashlights V: Ryobi worklight

There are six bright LEDs in the clear cylinder on the left side of the light. The LEDs can be aimed by rotating the cylinder via the little knob where my fingers are. On the backside of this light is a magnet, so I can stick this light to something metal, turn it on, aim the LEDs, and there’s a worklight. This is useful where the Stanley tripod light isn’t practical. This light also comes with a little square of metal which you can temporarily attach to stuff, if there is no iron-based metal where you’re working.

Ryobi’s Tek4 line is a group of products used for measuring, calculating, illuminating, and other types of tasks that confront handymen on a regular basis. The products all use the same battery and charger, which is nice. I own one other Tek4 product, which is this handheld flashlight:

Flashlights VIII: Ryobi Tek4

Flashlights VI: Ryobi Tek4

I haven’t had a whole lot of use for this light yet, although it did come in really handy during a power outage at work a few weeks back. This light produces a freakishly bright 220 lumens. (By comparison, my 2 D-cell Maglite billyclub light produces 36.5 lumens.) This light is so bright as to be almost intimidating. If I was ever stranded in a dark forest at night with a serial killer on the loose, this is the flashlight I want. Nobody’s sneaking up on me when I’m shining this light around. This light may actually be too bright for normal applications, but if Tom Hanks had had one of these with him, he wouldn’t have spent four years on that island talking to a volley ball, I can tell you that. He’d be signaling the hell out of freighters on the horizon.

This brings me to the lights I carry in my pockets at work. I reach for a flashlight more often than I reach for my screwdriver, so carrying two of them around isn’t as silly as it sounds. I carry this penlight, first of all:

Flashlights III: Pen light

This light is useful for shining into small areas, like inside pieces of equipment when I need to look for something that’s creating problems. It’s the Energizer brand, but I suspect that any penlight will do the task just fine. In my back pocket I carry this light, two pens, and a small notepad.

The other light that’s always on me — and the one I use the most often, by far — is this new model LED light by Maglite:

Flashlights II: Maglite LED

That’s the Maglite XL50, right there, and let me tell you, I’d by ten of these, if I could. I love this thing. It puts out a beam of 104 lumens, which is plenty powerful for lots of things, such as when I’m standing on the floor at The Store and I need to seek out something up in the rafters, which are more than twenty feet above me and obscured by giant lights of their own. It’s also one of those lights with multiple functions: click the tail once, and you get a full beam; click it twice and you get half-brightness; click it three times and you get a rapid pulse, that’s ideal for signaling rescue parties if you’re stranded on a mountain. I see that Maglite now has a XL200 model, that adds two light modes and runs the lumens up to 172. It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine!

And no, that’s not all! Worklights, magnetic lights, penlights…what about keyring lights? Ah yes…I have two. On the same key ring. It’s a sickness, I tell you.

Flashlights XI: Two on my keyring!

The top one — the red one — really doesn’t strike me as a terribly high-quality item, and I’m sure it will not be long-lived. It was only two bucks at Home Depot, so it’s not like it will break my heart when it stops working. But it has an LED light, a laser pointer, and — get this — a blacklight. Why would I need a black light? Maybe I’m looking for one of these substances. I have no idea. But hey, it was two bucks. Oh, and that light has a little ballpoint pen inside it. That other one, the lower one, is surprisingly bright for such a teeny light, and it’s got a signal mode, too.

What other flashlights do I have around? Well, I keep another old-school Maglite on my desk at Casa Jaquandor. There’s my headlamp, which I keep on my hardhat at work. And there are a bunch of other small flashlights floating around the apartment, but more than a few of those have disappeared into the trainwreck-on-top-of-a-tire-fire that is The Daughter’s room. That’s OK, though, because the Holidays are fast approaching, which means…cheap multipacks of cheap flashlights at all the hardware stores! Huzzah!!

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Saturday Centus

I’m going to do an experiment with this week’s prompt: I’m going to write it right here, without editing it at all. Usually I write my entry in OpenOffice and then tweak and and choose my words to squeeze it down, but this week, I’m going to work without a net.

(Oh, and apologies to Michael Crichton and Steven Spielberg for this.)

Dr. Schwarzenstein staggered across the lawn, bleeding profusely, as he thought once again that maybe, just maybe, re-creating velociraptors from frog DNA and the contents of fossilized mosquito stomachs had been a bad idea, and that maybe, just maybe, genetically enhancing the raptor for super-intelligence had been a really bad idea.

And then there she was, the Queen Raptor, in front of him. He wasn’t going to make it to the jeep. This was it. She bared her fangs, bristled her claws. “Surprise, I’m pregnant!” she said.

“I’ve created talking raptors?” he thought — a scientist to the end — as she leaped toward his abdomen.

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The official site of Kelly Sedinger: Reader, writer, photographer, and dreamer

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