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You DONKEY!!!

Oddly, thus far into this season of Hell’s Kitchen — four episodes that I’ve watched thus far, with one more waiting to be seen — Chef Ramsay has yet to call anyone by my favorite term of endearment, “You [bleep] donkey!” For some reason that always makes me laugh.

Anyway, this is an entertaining season thus far, as always. Seeing these chefs of varying culinary talent and experience nevertheless struggle equally to make Ramsay happy is always fun, as are his unending string of expletives directed at those who inspire his wrath.

One thing from an episode a couple of weeks ago struck me as odd, though. The chefs were all made to get up very early and go for a walking tour of a commercial butcher operation, which was basically a big warehouse where a number of workers are processing sides of beef. Most of the chefs reacted horribly: “It’s cold! It smells awful!” and so on. And I’m thinking, “You’re cooks, and this is meat. You should be fascinated by this, not repulsed!”

Ditto later on, when the female team lost the Gordon Ramsay version of that old Letterman chestnut, “Know Your Cuts of Meat”; as part of their punishment they were fed a lunch of various beef innards. Again, you’re cooks. At least a few of you should actually like innards, right? Aren’t lots of very famous dishes in fact made of innards? Foie gras is an innard, isn’t it? (Yeah, an innard of a goose, but it’s the same principle.) I always end up wondering just how serious some of these people are about food.

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Boldly going?

I’ve just watched the new trailer for Star Trek, and I’m still troubled. On the one hand it looks like a trailer for a kick-ass space opera action movie, which would be right up my alley, except they’re calling it Star Trek and using the names of characters I’m already deeply familiar with. Yes, it bugs me that they’re changing everything. No, I don’t know why it doesn’t bother me that the producers of the James Bond movies are doing roughly the same thing — but then, the Bond series is a different animal, which never came to grips with the fact that the world was constantly changing and yet their character was staying the same. I don’t know — but the new Trek movie looks like it might be kinda-sorta cool, but I still hate what they’re doing with Kirk and company.

To me, it’s like if the Bond people not only did a reboot of the Bond movies, but invented a completely new backstory for him — maybe make him the son of an IRA leader or something. But every single bit of new Trek promotional material that comes along makes me think one thing: this might be cool if they’d just change the names of the people involved. How about not making it a Trek movie? Just for kicks?

Anyway, here’s the trailer:

See, right off, there’s what bugs me. Kirk is apparently the delinquent doofus who gets pushed into enlisting by someone else. And the Kirk in my imagination would never utter something like “Why are you talkin’ to me, man?” Ugh.

UPDATE: Spurred on by Belladonna in comments, I came up with what I think is a better analogy: what they’re doing with Kirk strikes me as if somebody made a movie of Oliver Twist in which Oliver was not an orphan but a runaway from home. I like it when I get challenged to explain myself better!

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My “Faith” firsts

This quiz came to me on Facebook, and I’m putting it here as well….

1. Who gave you your first Bible?

No one. I bought a copy of the KJV in 1999 or 2000, for research on a writing project. It was OK, but a bare-bones Bible without much by way of extra stuff, so a few years ago I picked up a better edition of the KJV, with a stronger concordance and more maps. Then, a year or two ago I decided that I needed an actual study bible, so I bought a TNIV one, with lots of maps and extra content that, you know, explains stuff.

I also have a book called “The Other Bible”, which is a collection of pseudo-sacred texts from those times that for various reasons didn’t “make it” into the Bible — the Apocrypha and more. I also own a Koran, the Analects of Confucius, the Tao te Ching, a couple of Tibetan Books of the Dead, and a few other sacred texts from other religions.

2. When and where did you receive your first Communion?

I first took Communion on Easter of 2006, because The Daughter really wanted me to go up with her and The Wife. I’ve taken it ever since, when offered. This is at St John’s Lutheran in Orchard Park.

3. What was the first prayer you were taught?

I was never “taught” any prayers. I learned the Lord’s Prayer, I suppose, through osmosis in college.

4. What was the first church you attended?

The first church that I attended willingly and regularly? I guess that would be St. John’s. I would do the “Christmas and Easter” thing with The Wife before that.

5. What was the first Bible passage/story that became meaningful to you?

Hmmmm. The story of Christ’s birth as told by Luke, I think.

6. What was the first miracle you experienced?

Well, I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced one.

7. Where and when were you baptized?

I haven’t the faintest idea, except that it was somewhere near Pittsburgh, because that’s where we lived when I was born.

Bonus: Is there a story of faith you would like to share that doesn’t fit into one of these categories? If so, share it.

I’m still not sure what my religious beliefs are; I’ve pretty much accepted that I’m never going to figure that out. But I do go to the church because it’s become a very meaningful place for me, after everything that happened with our son. I do feel, when I’m there, that I’m in some kind of presence, for whatever that’s worth. I started going when I was worried, after Little Quinn’s birth, that The Wife was having trouble with church; she was always the “faithful” one of us, so I went in order to help her get through it. And I’ve kept going, ever since. I’m not sold on every tenet therein, and there are still many things from other faiths that I find deeply wise and moving and even true, but I’ve come to love a lot of the rituals — the “official” ones (like Communion) and the ones peculiar to our own congregration (like Pastor’s fascination with clips from “I Love Lucy”).

Interesting, I guess, since my college friends may remember that I was once deeply hostile to the whole idea of religion, no?

I’m now a bit more open on these things, although I’m not sure I’ll ever be comfortable saying “I am XXX”, where XXX is some kind of religious belief (or non-belief). Maybe it’s wishy-washy, but it always seems to me that saying “I am THIS” equally implies “I am NOT THAT”, and that seems exclusionary to me.

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Give me the jelly donut OR I WILL KILL YOUR FAMILY!!!

A note on 24, which I’m watching religiously this year, although I haven’t yet watched this week’s two episodes (so no spoiling them, you bunch of lubbers!). While the various plots and schemes Jack is working to thwart are entertaining as always, it seems to me that this year’s theme deals with the nature of the kind of work Jack Bauer does.

Everyone who has watched the show knows that Jack occasionally does things that are morally questionable in the name of getting an upper hand on the bad guys. He tortures. He threatens family members. He threatens good guys at gunpoint. Jack does a lot of frankly awful things, always under the belief that the end justifies the means. There are no rules he won’t break in order to save lives. This year, the show is grappling with this aspect of Jack’s character by contrasting him with FBI Agent Renee Walker, who is his strong ally this year but constantly finds herself blanching at the things he has her do, and some things she does on her own.

Agent Walker does the same horrible things, but she feels horrible doing them, and more than that, she is increasingly appalled at Jack’s ability to not be affected by the things he does. No matter what they do, Jack is able to brush it off in his constant desire to move on to the next part of the mission, and when Agent Walker breaks down in his arms sobbing after their actions have caused the death of a young woman who one hour before had no idea what she was involved with, the only wisdom he can offer is “You learn to live with it.” The show seems to be admitting that Jack is doing things that are wrong, but is also contending that sometimes you have to do something wrong to prevent something even worse from happening. Call this what you will: Lesser of two evils. Ends justify the means. You have to break eggs to make omelettes.

While it interests me that the show is addressing this stuff, I don’t think it’s doing so completely honestly. It would be easy for them to show Jack going too far, wouldn’t it? Sometimes I wonder if they’re not suggesting that, but pulling back slightly. Take Dubaku’s girlfriend, for example. Jack and Agent Walker put that girl in a terribly dangerous position, and her position became even more perilous when something unforeseen happened to take Jack and Walker out of the equation for a moment and into a place where they couldn’t protect her. If the show really wanted to unflinchingly look at the implications of Jack’s actions, they might have had Dubaku kill the girl before attempting escape; then we’d have to wonder if Jack really did the right thing or not. Instead, they had the girl attack Dubaku’s driver while in mid-high speed chase, thus causing the crash that results in Dubaku’s capture but also results in her death. That girl died a hero.

That leads to my main complaint: all of Jack’s dark actions are portrayed as working out the way he needs them to, and that’s terribly unrealistic, isn’t it? Not that I’m expecting realism from 24, but if they really want to explore the darker nature of Jack’s work, then they need to confront the awful reality that sometimes Jack is going to go too far, and worse, that sometimes his actions aren’t going to work out. Take torture, for example: when Jack tortures, it always works! When he threatens a villain’s family, it always works! Jack’s “extreme interrogations” invariably result in him getting the information he wants. Nobody ever stonewalls him. Nobody ever feeds him a bullshit story in an attempt to buy time. Nobody ever looks at Jack as he threatens to blow up their home planet if they don’t tell him the location of the Rebel Base and tells him that they’re on Dantooine when they’re actually on Yavin IV.

How effective would that be, anyway? Wouldn’t that be an incredibly gripping tale? Wouldn’t it be amazing to see Jack’s techniques failing him and seeing the bad guys gain the upper hand on him that way? I wonder if we’ll ever see this happen? In any event, it seems to me that the producers are saying this year: “Sure, Jack does bad things, but hey, he’s got to and they always work so it’s all good.” I find that less than satisfying, morally and dramatically.

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Ask Me Anything! Answers, part one

It’s time to start answering the questions from this year’s iteration of Ask Me Anything! So here we go. (I’m not answering these in the order they were posed, by the way.)

First, Neddie Jingo throws this at me:

“‘Who is Spain?’ ‘Why is Hitler?’ ‘Hi-ho beri-beri!’ and ‘Balls!’ rang out in quick succession.”

Ummm…moving on, then.

I had to Google this, and it turns out to come from Joseph Heller’s Catch 22, which I have not read. Now I obviously have to read it. Curse you, Neddie Jingo! Stumped on my very first query.

Next up, Roger (who is, every year, consistently the best asker of questions for this feature), poses this:

From your vantage point, what do you think of the new senator Gillibrand and the process that selected her?

I don’t have much opinion at all on Senator Gillibrand specifically. For those who haven’t been paying attention (and why would you), Kirsten Gillibrand is the current junior Senator from New York, having been appointed to that post from the House of Representatives by Governor David Patterson, after that Senate seat was vacated by Hillary Clinton when she became Secretary of State. I don’t know a whole lot about her political views; having just looked her up on Wikipedia, she seems generally around where I stand on a lot of things, and a bit far from me on others – no way I’d support George Bush’s tax cuts, for example. She’s apparently very strong on gun ownership rights; I generally don’t have strong views on guns aside from my own personal dislike of them. So, Gillibrand seems vaguely acceptable to me. I’d have to get more familiar with her as a Senator, which will probably happen now that she represents me. I’d never heard of her before her Senate appointment.

As for the process: I was baffled by the whole Caroline Kennedy thing. That whole business just seemed weird from the get-go; Kennedy has never, to my knowledge, shown a whole lot of interest in being in electoral politics herself, and maybe she was influenced for a time by the availability of a seat and the fact that her uncle, Edward M. Kennedy, is clearly nearing the end of his days. I have no problem with her running for the seat, if she wants, but the flirtation-and-withdrawal seemed strange to me. And in general, I don’t like that Governors in many states can directly appoint Senators in the event of a vacancy. Special elections should be the rule, for many reasons.

(I’m not enamored of David Patterson as governor, by the way.)

Roger also asks: who would you “go gay” for?

Ummmm…nobody. Certainly not Viggo Mortensen or Karl Urban from Lord of the Rings. And definitely not Daniel Craig as James Bond. And Ewan MacGregor as Obi Wan Kenobi? Never!!!

OK, I think that’s a weird enough note to end on for the first set of answers. Hoo boy!

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Fixing the Prequels: Attack of the Clones (part five)

part one
part two
part three
part four

Before resuming with Attack of the Clones, I note the existence of Darths and Droids, a comic strip not unlike Shamus Young’s DM of the Rings, which even now, more than a year after its completion, still brings a few visitors to this blog every day, owing to his link to me in the commentary on this installment. The notion of Darths is simple: what if the story of Star Wars, beginning with The Phantom Menace, actually came about via a role-playing campaign? I’ve actually looked in on Darths before, but I haven’t been following it in detail, so I’ll try to get caught up over the next short while.

Anyway, Shamus also mentions an interview with the Darths creative team, in which one of them notes that close mining of the movies for comic strip material has led to a greater approach for the movies. I say, “Great!”, although given my own process with the Fixing the Prequels series, I wonder what effect it’ll have. I haven’t watch The Phantom Menace all the way through since I wrapped up fixing it, so I don’t yet know if I’ll be able to watch it without summoning up all of my repairs in my head. I certainly hope I can; I don’t want to not like these movies.

And with that, time to get back to AOTC.

Anakin and Padme have just left Coruscant for Naboo, with R2-D2 tagging along. (You know, what I wouldn’t give to basically be able to go through life with a sentient mobile toolbox trundling along behind me. Wow, that would be useful.) While Anakin is playing bodyguard to the Senator, Obi Wan is doing his Sam Spade of the Stars bit.

In the script, and in a scene which was shot but edited out, Obi Wan takes the mysterious toxic dart to the analysis droids in the Jedi Temple, only to have them tell him that they can’t identify the thing. This scene doesn’t accomplish anything, and watching it on the DVD’s deleted scenes, it’s not even that cool of an effects scene (just more CG droids doing CG droid stuff), and it ends with a goofy bit where Obi Wan looks at the dart in his fingers and says “I know who can identify this!” It’s a funny line delivery, and it naturally makes one ask, “Well, why didn’t you go there in the first place, dummy?”

So Obi Wan heads off to visit an old friend of his, a big fat alien who is the cook in a diner:

EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT, DOWNTOWN, BACK STREET – MORNING

OBI-WAN walks down the street. It is a pretty tough part of town. Old buildings, warehouses, beat up speeders and transporter rigs thundering past. Above, the old elevated monospeed with occasional “shiny freighters” hissing through.

OBI-WAN comes to a kind of alien diner. On the steamed-up windows it says “DEX’S DINER” in alien lettering. He goes inside.

In the movie, Dex’s Diner isn’t in a seedy part of town; it’s all bright and shiny, looking more like one of those retro-diners you’ll find in cities these days than an actual diner. I think this is a bit of a film-making error; they should have done the “diner in a seedy town” bit. As it is, it looks like Obi Wan is going to Johnny Rocket’s.

INTERIOR: CORUSCANT, DEX’S DINER – MORNING

A WAITRESS DROID is carrying plates of half-eaten food. There is a counter with stools and a line of booths along the wall by the window. A number of CUSTOMERS are eating – TOUGH-LOOKING WORKERS, FREIGHTER DRIVERS, ETC. The WAITRESS DROID looks up as OBI-WAN comes in.

WAITRESS DROID: Can I help ya?

OBI-WAN: I’m looking for Dexter.

The WAITRESS DROID approaches OBI-WAN.

WAITRESS DROID: Waddya want him for?

OBI-WAN: He’s not in trouble. It’s personal.

There is a brief pause. Then the DROID goes to the open serving hatch behind the counter.

WIITRESS DROID: Someone to see ya, honey. (lowering her voice) A Jedi, by the looks of him.

Steam billows out from the kitchen hatch behind the counter as a huge head pokes through.

DEXTER JETTSTER: Obi-Wan!

OBI-WAN: Hey, Dex.

DEXTER JETTSTER: Take a seat! Be right with ya!

OBI-WAN sits in a booth.

WAITRESS DROID: You want a cup of ardees?

OBI-WAN: Oh yes, thank you.

The WAITRESS DROID moves off as the door to the counter opens and DEXTER JETTSTER appears. He is big – bald and sweaty, old and alien. Not someone to tangle with. He arrives, beaming hugely.

DEXTER JETTSTER: Hey, ol’ buddy!

OBI-WAN: Hey, Dex.

DEXTER eases himself into the seat opposite OBI-WAN. He can just make it.

DEXTER JETTSTER: So, my friend. What can I do for ya?

OBI-WAN: You can tell me what this is.

OBI-WAN places the dart on the table between them. DEX’S eyes widen. He puts down his mug.

DEXTER JETTSTER: (softly) Well, whaddya know…

DEXTER picks up the dart delicately between his puffy fingers and peers at it.

DEXTER JETTSTER: I ain’t seen one of these since I was prospecting on Subterrel beyond the Outer Rim!

OBI-WAN: Can you tell me where it came from?

DEXTER grins. He puts the dart down between them.

DEXTER JETTSTER: This baby belongs to them cloners. What you got here is a Kamino saberdart.

OBI-WAN: Kamino saberdart? …I wonder why it didn’t show up in our analysis archive.

DEXTER JETTSTER: It’s these funny little cuts on the side give it away… Those analysis droids you’ve got over there only focus on symbols, you know. I should think you Jedi would have more respect for the difference between knowledge and wisdom.

OBI-WAN: Well, Dex, if droids could think, we wouldn’t be here, would we? (laughing) Kamino… doesn’t sound familiar. Is it part of the Republic?

DEXTER JETTSTER: No, it’s beyond the Outer Rim. I’d say about twelve parsecs outside the Rishi Maze, toward the south. It should be easy to find, even for those droids in your archive. These Kaminoans keep to themselves. They’re cloners. Damned good ones, too.

OBI-WAN picks up the dart, holding it midway between them.

OBI-WAN: Cloners? Are they friendly?

DEXTER JETTSTER: It depends.

OBI-WAN: On what, Dex?

Dexter grins.

DEXTER JETTSTER: On how good your manners are… and how big your pocketbook is…

I’ve always liked this scene. The bit at the beginning here, where Obi Wan asks for Dex and has to assure the waitress that he’s not there to arrest Dex or anything, isn’t in the film, and I’d put it back in. I would also have liked a couple of reaction shots from the denizens of the diner as a Jedi walks in; maybe somebody casually sliding their briefcase under the table or something like that. But I love the visual of a 1950s diner in the middle of Coruscant, and the ultimate waitress-on-roller skates.

That line of Obi Wan’s, about droids not being able to think, shows a certain attitude toward droids that tends to show up sporadically throughout the entire SW Saga; most notable is in ANH, when Luke enters the cantina and the barkeep tells him that R2 and C-3PO have to wait outside. Droids just aren’t seen as anything more than useful tools, which could explain some of the lackadaisical attitude toward them throughout the series – such as nobody particularly worrying about R2’s memories after the events of RotS.

Anyway, Dex takes one look at the dart and identifies it as being from Kamino. Here we have more implied facts about the SW universe: that the Republic doesn’t control everything, namely. I’d like to have heard a bit more about the fact that the Kaminoans are cloners. Obi Wan seems genuinely surprised to hear that there are still cloners about somewhere, and I’d amend this line a bit:

OBI WAN: Cloners. No wonder they keep to themselves, then.

DEX: Your Republic has never much liked cloners.

OBI WAN: With good reason. We don’t want systems able to grow their own armies, do we?

DEX: And yet the Trade Federation and its allies build themselves droid armies. One wonders what the difference might be.

OBI WAN: Cloning is a dangerous business to be in. Kamino – are they friendly?

Something like that. If cloning on a mass scale is possible in the SW universe, why isn’t the galaxy overrun with clones? Who knows? (Maybe this point has been addressed in some Extended Universe book or comic, but I don’t deal with that at all, just the stuff in the movies.)

Anyhow, Obi Wan now has his first solid lead, and now he’s off to follow it up, by going back to the Jedi Temple to see if he can figure out where Kamino is located. He consults with the Galaxy’s least helpful librarian, but before he does, he has a conversation with her that was cut from the movie:

EXTERIOR: JEDI TEMPLE – DAY

The main entrance at the base of the huge Temple is bustling with activity. All sorts of JEDI are coming and going.

INTERIOR: JEDI TEMPLE, ARCHIVE LIBRARY – DAY

A bronze bust of Count Dooku stands among a line of other busts of Jedi in the Archive Room. OBI-WAN stands in front of it, studying the striking features of the chiseled face. On the walls, lighted computer panels seem to stretch into infinity. Farther along the room in the background, FIVE JEDI are seated at tables, studying archive material. After OBI-WAN studies the bust for a few moments before
MADAME JOCASTA NU, the Jedi Archivist, is standing next to him. She is an elderly, frail-looking human Jedi. Tough as old boots and smart as a whip.

JOCASTA NU: Did you call for assistance?

OBI-WAN: (distracted in thought) Yes… yes, I did…

JOCASTA NU: He has a powerful face, doesn’t he? He was one of the most brilliant Jedi I have had the privilege of knowing.

OBI-WAN: I never understood why he quit. Only twenty Jedi have ever left the Order.

JOCASTA NU: (sighs) The Lost Twenty… Count Dooku was the most recent and the most painful. No one likes to talk about it. His leaving was a great loss to the Order.

OBI-WAN: What happened?

JOCASTA NU: Well, Count Dooku was always a bit out of step with the decisions of the Council…much like your old Master, Qui-Gon Jinn.

She gestures to another nearby statue, this one of none other than QUI GON.

[OK, I put that bit in myself, the statue of Qui Gon. There’s a reason for this that will eventually become clear.]

OBI-WAN: (surprised) Really?

JOCASTA NU: Oh, yes. They were alike in many ways. Very individual thinkers… idealists…

JOCASTA NU gazes at the bust.

JOCASTA NU: He was always striving to become a more powerful Jedi. He wanted to be the best. With a lightsaber, in the old style of fencing, he had no match. His knowledge of the Force was… unique. In the end, I think he left because he lost faith in the Republic. He believed that politics were corrupt, and he felt the Jedi betrayed themselves by serving the politicians. He always had very high expectations of government. He disappeared for nine or ten years, then just showed up recently as the head of the separatist movement.

OBI-WAN: It’s very interesting. I’m not sure I completely understand.

JOCASTA NU: Well, I’m sure you didn’t call me over here for a history lesson. Are you having a problem, Master Kenobi?

OBI-WAN: Yes, I’m trying to find a planet system called Kamino. It doesn’t seem to show up on any of the archive charts.

JOCASTA NU: Kamino? It’s not a system I’m familiar with…Let me see…

JOCASTA NU leans over OBI-WAN’S shoulder, looking at the screen.

JOCASTA NU: Are you sure you have the right coordinates?

OBI-WAN: (nodding) According to my information, it should be in this quadrant somewhere… just south of the Rishi Maze.

JOCASTA NU taps the keyboard and frowns.

[This next bit doesn’t occur in the film.]

JOCASTA NU: No coordinates? It sounds like the sort of directions you’d get from a street tout… some old miner or Furbog trader.

OBI-WAN: All three, actually.

JOCASTA NU: Are you sure it exists?

OBI-WAN: Absolutely.

JOCASTA NU: Let me do a gravitational scan.

OBI-WAN and JOCASTA NU study the star map hologram.

JOCASTA NU: There are some inconsistencies here. Maybe the planet you’re seeking was destroyed.

OBI-WAN: Wouldn’t that be on record?

JOCASTA NU: It ought to be, unless it was very recent. [Now we’re back to stuff that appears in the film.] (shakes her head) I hate to say it, but it looks like the system you’re searching for doesn’t exist.

OBI-WAN: That’s impossible… perhaps the archives are incomplete.

JOCASTA NU: The archives are comprehensive and totally secure, my young Jedi. One thing you may be absolutely sure of – if an item does not appear in our records, it does not exist!

OBI-WAN stares at her, then looks back to the map. JOCASTA NU notices a young boy approach. She turns from OBI-WAN and leaves with the youngster, turning back only briefly to say:

JOCASTA NU: Oh, and Master Kenobi, if you could ask your Padawan to kindly return that holocron of Downfall of the Hutts, it would be greatly appreciated.

She leaves, and Obi Wan continues to stare at the computer readout.

Well now – if you want to get on a librarian’s bad side, all you have to do is suggest that his or her library is not as comprehensive as it’s supposed to be! Maybe that bit I threw in at the end about Anakin having overdue materials is too cute, but hey, librarians are librarians.

But unpacking this a bit, I wish the material about Dooku had been included, for the same reason that I put an introduction of Dooku very early into the film (see Part One of this series). By the time we meet Dooku, we already know that he’s a bad guy and we know nothing else about him than that. This would flesh him out a bit, and also convey again how the Jedi believe one thing (that Dooku left for idealistic reasons) where the reality is, we will learn, something else (Dooku likely left because he’d been tempted by the Sith). Also, foreshadowing Dooku’s skill with the lightsaber wouldn’t be the worst idea; it would clarify a bit how Obi Wan was able to singlehandedly defeat Darth Maul but doesn’t last long at all against Darth Tyrannus (Dooku).

Onto the discussion of the whereabouts of Kamino, I like the bit where Jocasta Nu comments on the likely source of Obi Wan’s information, and in terms of the finished product, I loved the actress Lucas got to play the staid old Jedi librarian. It’s a good scene in the movie, but the scene as written is even better. Another case, I suspect, of Lucas’s goal for a certain running time to get in the way of some good storytelling.

The movie then cuts from Obi Wan to Anakin and Padme, who are en route for Naboo. Once again, some of the material in the script didn’t end up in the finished movie, so I’ve put that material in red:

EXTERIOR: SPACE, STARSHIP FREIGHTER

The massive, slow-moving Freighter moves through space.

INTERIOR: STARFREIGHTER, STEERAGE HOLD – DAY

The great, gloomy hold is crowded with EMIGRANTS and their belongings. To one side ARTOO is coming to the head of a food line holding two bowls. With one of his little claw arms, he grabs a chunk of something that looks like bread. ARTOO slips a tube into a tub of mush and sucks up a large quantity. A SERVER sees him.

SERVER: Hey! No Droids!

ARTOO takes one last big suck and heads away from the food line. The SERVER shouts after him angrily. The little droid moves past groups of eating or sleeping EMIGRANTS and comes to ANAKIN and PADMÉ’S table where ANAKIN is sound asleep. The young Jedi seems to be having a nightmare. He is very restless.

ANAKIN: No, no, Mom, no…

He is sweating. PADMÉ leans over resting her hand on his arm. He wakes up with a start, then realizes where he is. PADMÉ simply looks at him. He stares back, somewhat confused.

ANAKIN: What?

PADMÉ: You seemed to be having a nightmare.

ANAKIN looks at PADMÉ a little more closely, trying to see if he has revealed any of his secrets. She hands him a bowl of mush and bread.

PADMÉ: Are you hungry?

ANAKIN: Yeah.

PADMÉ takes the food from ARTOO and sets it on a make-shift table. ANAKIN rises and takes a seat as she places a bowl in front of him.

ANAKIN: Thanks.

PADMÉ: We went to lightspeed a while ago.

ANAKIN looks into PADMÉ’S eyes.

ANAKIN: I look forward to seeing Naboo again. I’ve thought about it every day since I left. It’s by far the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen…

PADMÉ is a little unnerved by his intense stare.

PADMÉ: It may not be as you remember it. Time changes perception.

ANAKIN: Sometimes it does… Sometimes for the better.

PADMÉ: It must be difficult having sworn your life to the Jedi… not being able to visit the places you like… or do the things you like…

ANAKIN: Or be with the people I love.

PADMÉ: Are you allowed to love? I thought it was forbidden for a Jedi.

ANAKIN: Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi’s life, so you might say we’re encouraged to love.

PADMÉ: You have changed so much.

ANAKIN: You haven’t changed a bit. You’re exactly the way I remember you in my dreams. I doubt if Naboo has changed much either.

PADMÉ: It hasn’t…

There is an awkward moment.

PADMÉ: (continuing; changing the subject) You were dreaming about your mother earlier, weren’t you?

ANAKIN: Yes… I left Tatooine so long ago, my memory of her is fading. I don’t want to lose it. Recently I’ve been seeing her in my dreams… vivid dreams… scary dreams. I worry about her.

PADMÉ gives ANAKIN a sympathetic look.

This little scene, as it happened in the movie, is actually one of my favorite scenes in the movie. It’s short and it’s quiet and it’s acted well; score another one for Lucas. I’ve always liked how Anakin casually steers the conversation toward love, but also manages to make it sound benign. It’s just a well-done little scene, and I like it a good deal.

But reading the original script, I do also like the idea of Padme waking Anakin from one of his bad dreams. That’s a good idea, and I’m surprised Lucas either shot it and cut it out or omitted it entirely. We really need to see that Anakin’s dreams about his mother are intense and disturbing to him, and that’s something that the finished film doesn’t convey terribly well. What I would not do is have Anakin explain the dreams to Padme, just yet. I’d finish the scene off thusly:

PADME: Your dream – it was about your mother, wasn’t it?

Anakin meets her eyes, his look suddenly vulnerable, and looks away quickly.

PADME: I remember how much you hated leaving her, even though it was to go join the Jedi.

Anakin looks like he wants to say something…but then:

ANAKIN: Uh, I want some more of that tea from earlier. Would you like some?

Padme nods, and Anakin quickly excuses himself from the table, and from this line of conversation. Padme glances at Artoo, who gives a sympathetic beep.

What I’m after here is setting up more of the conflict inside Anakin that will eventually lead to his downfall (and, many years later, his redemption). Even though he is desperately in love with Padme, it’s a very immature love at this point, so I don’t think he’d be ready just yet to trust her with his innermost fears about what may be happening to his mother. (And since this scene is more from Padme’s POV than Anakin’s, I would not do what I did earlier and include an actual look into Anakin’s dream.)

The other material here that wasn’t in the movie, the stuff about how beautiful Naboo is? I’m not sure if I’d put that back in or not. It wouldn’t make the scene take a whole lot longer, and it might help make it seem as if Anakin’s not quite as obsessive about Padme as we know he is, but I’m not sure it really adds anything that must be there. I’d flip a coin, maybe.

OK, this has been a fairly long entry, so here is where we’ll stop. Next time we’ll criticize Yoda’s teaching technique, and we’ll look in what happened when Padme brought Anakin to her home to meet her family, in a long string of scenes deleted from the final film. Star Wars Episode Two: Meet the Parents? Star Wars Episode II: Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? Well, it’s not as bad as all that, as we’ll see then. Excelsior, Star Warriors!

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Watching 24: 5 pm to 6 pm


ZOMG!!! THAT CAR IS COMING RIGHT AT US!!!, originally uploaded by Jaquandor.

Wow! Proof that I don’t wear overalls ALL the time. How about that! But with this, I am now up-to-date on my episodes of 24.

Here I provide an exaggerated reaction to a pretty good little car chase that opened this week’s episode, with Jack and Renee pursuing Dubaku. Did they get him?

[SPOILERS – highlight to read]

Well, sure — after Dubaku’s girlfriend reached forward and covered the driver’s eyes or grabbed his arms or something, causing him to crash. She died in the resulting wreck, sadly enough — another 24 cast member who pays the ultimate sacrifice for being unlucky enough to meet Jack Bauer. Meeting Jack Bauer tends to be a cause of soon and sudden violent death, doesn’t it?

Anyway, there’s something else that bugged me a bit in this episode. After the chase ends and they have Dubaku in custody, Jack has the EMTs cut into Dubaku’s torso so as to get at the flash drive he has had implanted there. On this flash drive is a list of all his co-conspirators in the US government, and it’s the only copy of the database they know to exist. This is a HUGE piece of evidence, and Jack has to make sure it gets to the people at the FBI. So does he take it there himself? No — he has some cop do it, a cop he’s never met before. Huh-whuh?! The most important piece of evidence in this entire case finally comes into your possession, and you entrust it to some dude you’ve never ever seen before? That struck me as terribly, terribly odd for Jack to do. But anyway.

Note the SPOILER text above. That’s because I’m invoking a new rule. Last week, while driving to the library on Thursday, I was listening to Schopp and the Bulldog, which is a show on our local sports talk radio station featuring Mike Schopp and a guy who goes by “Bulldog”. Hence the title. Anyway, they have a daily feature called “Ten Opinions in a Row”, in which they trade opinions on anything they want, sports-related or no. Well, one of them — Bulldog, I think — starts to give an opinion on that week’s episode of 24, which had aired just three nights before; he gave away the episode’s plot twists and discussed the preview for next week’s episode. But I hadn’t yet watched that week’s episode, so I was already a bit annoyed.

But then the other one started to do the very same thing, but instead of 24, he was talking about LOST, and suddenly Bulldog and the other guy in the booth (there’s a third guy who’s always there, even though the show doesn’t have his name on it) start shushing Schopp because he’s giving away spoilers! And I’m thinking, you just spoiled the hell out of 24, so why is LOST sacred as to spoilerage? Well, someone else made that point, saying “Gee, it just aired last night. Some people haven’t watched it yet.” Well, ditto 24! Lots of people DVR stuff and don’t watch it for days at a time, right? So I therefore have the following new Law of Teevee Spoilerage: it is forbidden to discuss spoilers for an episode of a teevee show without warning within one week of that episode’s airing. Once a week is past, all bets are off.

Yes, this only applies to the US. I know, you 24 fans in Europe won’t see these episodes for another year or something like that. Sorry, but in that case, the spoiler warning is, I think, implied. But here, it needs to be stated outright within one week.

And I’m now seriously rethinking this series. I look like the world’s biggest dork.

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Resuming….

At long, long last I’m attempting resumption of work on The Promised King. I posted Chapter Three yesterday, and my plan — as before — is to post a chapter on the first Sunday of each month until the thing is done. Here’s hoping — but the tale now continues.

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