Sentential Links #137

Linking the linkable, lest they go unlinked (more politics than usual this week):

:: America almost seems like it’s finally had enough of the non-celebrities being taken seriously in some way (the entire media is like a giant, uncontained Gong Show these days). I find it funny that Heather Mills has finally figured out that the British hate her and plans to follow some sort of obscure famous-for-being-famous career in America. (Adult content advisory. Do not click if you’re under sixteen, easily offended, or Dutch. You have been warned.)

:: The Maverick and Commander is one of the vainest human beings to run for President in my lifetime. One of the vainest that I have ever read about. He is pathologically obsessed with his image as the straight-shooter, the most honest man in Washington, the only one of the whole lot who is his own person and calls his own shots, the only one who speaks his mind and damns the consequences. It’s all a lie and he probably knows it, but that only makes him more desperate to see himself as what he pretends to be. He is Snow White’s step-mother going three or four times a day to her magic mirror to ask the same question and hear the same answer, and fortunately for him the Insider Journalists are happy to act the part of the magic mirror.

:: I don’t wear a flag pin on my lapel. Never have. And while I won’t rule out the possibility of doing so in the future, I probably won’t. And, yes, this is because I hate my country. But not as much as Jeremiah Wright hates it. (That’s the entire post, actually. But I agree with the sentiment: kvetching over Obama’s lack of a lapel pin is just about the stupidest thing I can imagine.)

:: You really have to wonder what is wrong with these people that their rage richters are constantly cranked up to 11. These are the kind of people you read about whose crushed lifeless bodies are found underneath capsized vending machines all because they went DefCon 1 when their Zagnut refused to fall. (Michelle Malkin: complete raving lunatic. Isn’t there some twelve year old kid she can stalk or something?)

:: Barack Obama’s comments about the white working class have thrown the political campaign into a particularly comic spasm of pretense and hypocrisy, but I was planning to let it go, I really was, until George F. Will decided to leap to the defense of the proletariat. Yes, that George F. Will. The fabulously wealthy, bow tie-wearing, pretentious reference-mongering, Anglophilic fop who grew up in a university town as a professor’s son, earned two advanced degrees, has a designated table at a French restaurant in Georgetown, and, had he dwelt for any extended time among the working class, would be lucky to escape without his underwear being yanked up over his ears. Will devoted his column to expressing his displeasure at Obama’s “condescension” toward the working class. (Heh.)

:: It’s kinda ironic ain’t it? Your record company employed their little copy protection schemes in an effort to prevent illegal downloading of your music. Instead, they have encouraged it. You might wanna talk to them about that.

:: It’s been three years. I didn’t know I stung that much.

:: Look out change – Ready or not, here I come! (Best of luck on the interview and the decision-making!)

:: In the first scene in Titanic where we see old Rose at her pottery wheel… And I just like to notice her earrings.

:: I offended a sweetheart once when I said “If I ever get really sick I’m not going to let you come visit me in the hospital.” Now I see that was vanity talking; I hope when the time comes I’ll have the courage – or humility – to Be Here Now for the people I love even when pieces of me are flaking and falling off.

All for this week.

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Sunday Burst of Weirdness

Not a whole lot this week, but here’s some stuff:

:: Something I never thought about: Pac-man’s need, given all that dot-consumption, to void his bowels.

:: Why I Avoid Objectivists If At All Possible, entry #47382: I wandered onto the FilmScoreMonthly message boards, as I do once a while, just to see if there’s any nifty film music news in the offing, and against my better judgment, I checked a thread devoted to the question of who might score the upcoming movie of Atlas Shrugged. Sure enough, the incredibly creepy fellow (initials ‘DH’) with whom I used to cross swords when I used to post there, is holding forth in grand fashion. He’s apparently planning to tell John Williams personally that he hates his approach to film scoring (an act which, given Williams’s years of success and reported high level of graciousness as a person, will likely be forgotten by Williams within minutes of its occurrence), and some, well, self-massage of the ego. A representative quote:

Objectivism inevitably separates the men from the boys, so to speak. I’d rather just speed up the process. Fact is, my no-nonsense–yet completely fair–attitude, along with the wisdom I’m able to wield, will draw most people [i.e., honest people] to Objectivism all the more. To those it repels, I say this: leave that copy of Atlas Shrugged on the shelf; somebody else deserves it, and you don’t.

That’s what talking to Objectivists tends to be like, in my experience, folks.

:: China’s reputation, as far as respecting intellectual property, isn’t very good. Here’s the latest example of it. Wow. (Via Warren Ellis.)

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OMG! I get to correct Ken Jennings!!!

Apparently, Ken Jennings is in Seattle, where it’s snowing a lot. Not to leave his commentary at that, however, Ken goes on to make a pretty obscure pop cultural reference:

Maybe we’re victims of that crazy weather machine that Elizabeth Taylor was using to freeze Port Charles back on General Hospital in the early ’80s. Yeah, there’s a reference that exactly nobody will get.

Au contraire, Ken! Not only do I get the reference, but I get to point out your error: it wasn’t Liz Taylor’s character (yes, she was on GH), Helena Cassadine, who was tormenting Port Charles with the weather machine, but rather her husband Mikkos, who was played by John Colicos. Helena Cassadine didn’t come along until Luke and Laura’s wedding, which was well after Luke’s thwarting of Mikkos’s plot.

Colicos is an actor well-known to geekdom of that period, having played Commander Kor, one of the more memorable Klingons on Star Trek (TOS) and then reprised the role on a couple of episodes of Deep Space Nine (by which time Kor had gone from looking like a TOS Klingon to looking like a regular old ridged-forehead Klingon), and the villainous Baltar on the original incarnation of Battlestar Galactica.

But anyway, Ken’s got the right nefarious plot to destroy Port Charles, but the wrong villain. Good thing that was never the “Final Jeopardy!” answer while he was on the show!

(And here’s a trivia question: when Luke Spencer was trying to access the control panel that would deactivate the weather machine, he had to type in the password that Mikkos Cassadine had chosen. What was that password?)

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The Big Red Cheese (and that other guy)

I have a couple of new reviews up at Green Man Review. First I look at Jeff Smith’s recent graphic novel treatment of Captain Marvel, SHAZAM! The Monster Society of Evil, which I liked a lot, and Kevin J. Anderson’s recent prose-novel treatment of the last days of Superman’s home planet of Krypton, titled appropriately enough, The Last Days of Krypton. This one I didn’t like as much, although I’m not sure it’s totally Anderson’s fault as he probably did the best he could with the task at hand. Anyway, check out the reviews. Or don’t. Hey, it’s your mouse. I can’t make you click the links!

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Whills, and the Journals they keep


Star Wars poster draft, originally uploaded by Michael Heilemann.

THE date for Star Wars fans is, of course, May 25, 1977, when the very first film was released way back when; but I see via The Dude that there’s actually an earlier date: April 17, 1973, which is when Lord George, Duke of Lucas, sat down with legal pad and No. 2 pencil in hand to start cobbling together his first draft of The Star Wars.

For we obsessives who have delved into those early drafts (The Jedi Bendu Script Site is an invaluable resource), it’s fascinating to see which elements of Lucas’s first writings made it into the first films, and then to further see everything come full circle as some of those very early notions, set aside for the Original Trilogy, eventually turned up in the Prequel Trilogy (the planet Utapau, Darth Maul’s attack on Qui Gon in the Tatooine desert, and so on). It all started coming together way back in 1973.

(By the way, the image here is taken from a Flickr gallery of Ralph McQuarrie’s amazing conceptual art for the Star Wars films. His art was instrumental in selling the concept to the studios, and is well-worth checking out. Be sure to click through to the large version of this early poster concept, just to read the dummy credits at the bottom. Try to imagine Star Wars with songs sung by Andy Williams!)

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Unidentified Earth 35

Well, we’re now officially caught up: UI 33 was identified (after a hint from me) as the Temple of Hera near Olympia, Greece (where the Olympic torch is always initially lit), and last week’s UI 34 was pegged very quickly as the Ryugyong Hotel in Pyongyang, North Korea (fascinating story behind this location). Congrats to the winners! I’m sorry that the standard prize, 1000 Quatloos, are pretty much useless now that gas stations have stopped accepting Quatloos as payment for fuel, but there may be an outpost in the Australian Outback that still accepts Quatloos in exchange for large vats of Vegemite. I have been unable to substantiate this rumor, though.

Anyhoo, onto this week’s location:

Where are we? Rot-13 thy guesses!

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Cazenovia Creek


Cazenovia 3, originally uploaded by Jaquandor.

The other day I took my camera again to Cazenovia Creek (last visited in November), but this time, rather than take my photos from the bridge over the creek, I walked down to its very banks, which I’d never done before, despite my love of this particular spot. The water was green and clear in the light of late afternoon, and the sun reflected bright off the surface.

This particular photo is my favorite of the ones I took that afternoon (the rest are on Flickr). I need to buy some nice wading shoes one of these days.

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I want to believe

Apparently the new X-Files movie will be subtitled I Want To Believe, which as any good TXF fan knows, is the slogan on the famous poster on Fox Mulder’s office wall. I like the title.

So am I excited for the return of TXF? I wasn’t at first, although I wasn’t not excited either; just “Huh. I hope it’s good.” Well, now I’m starting to hope it’s pretty darn good after all.

But just one thing: I hope the producers toned down Gillian Anderson a bit for the movie, because I’ve just spent some time surfing through this extensive Gillian Anderson photo collection, and let me say, if she looks like this in the movie:

…I may have some difficulty concentrating on the plot. Or the dialogue. Or my popcorn. I’m just sayin’.

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Fixing the Prequels: The Phantom Menace (part eight)

part one
part two
part three
part four
part five
part six
part seven

Returning to repairing The Phantom Menace, we’re still on Coruscant, but not for much longer. Qui Gon and Obi Wan stand before the Jedi council to hear the decision on Anakin’s future. Initially, the Council decides to reject Anakin as a Jedi pupil. I like this scene, but I like how it reads in the original script a little bit more. Here’s how that works, with a few alterations of my own:

YODA: Correct you were, Qui-Gon.

MACE WINDU: His cells do contain a high concentration of midichlorians.

KI-ADI: And the Force is indeed very strong with him.

QUI GON: Then he is to be trained.

The Council members look at one another….

MACE WINDU: No. He will not be trained.

Anakin’s eyes fill with tears.

QUI GON: No?!

MACE WINDU: He is too old, and there is too much anger and fear in him.

ANAKIN: (angrily) I am not afraid!

KI-ADI: Silence, young Skywalker.

QUI GON: He is the Chosen One. You must see that.

YODA: Clouded his future is, masked by his youth.

QUI GON: I will train hem, then. I take Anakin Skywalker as my Padawan learner.

Obi Wan looks on with surprise.

YODA: An apprentice you have, Qui Gon. Impossible to take on a second.

MACE WINDU: The Jedi code forbids it.

QUI GON: Obi Wan is ready.

OBI WAN: (stepping forward) I am ready to face the Trials.

YODA: Ready, are you? What know you of ready?

QUI GON: Obi Wan is headstrong, and he has much to learn of the Living Force. But he is capable. There is little more he can learn from me.

YODA: Our own counsel we will keep on who is ready, Qui Gon. More to learn, Obi Wan has. He still reckless.

QUI GON: No less so that was I, when I faced the Trials.

MACE WINDU: Now is not the time for this. Young Skywalker’s destiny is clouded and will require much meditation to discover. But for now, the Senate is voting for a new Supreme Chancellor, and Queen Amidala is returning home, which will put pressure on the Trade Federation. This could widen the conflict.

KI-ADI: And draw out the Queen’s attacker.

MACE WINDU: Accompany the Queen back to Naboo, and discover the identity of the dark warrior. This is the clue we need to unravel the mystery of the Sith.

YODA: When settled the situation is on Naboo, decide young Skywalker’s future, we will.

QUI GON: I will keep him in my charge. He has nowhere else to go.

YODA: Correct, you are. Keep him safe, but train him not!

MACE WINDU: Protect the Queen, but do not intercede if it comes to war until we have the Senate’s approval. May the Force be with you.

One thing that’s always bugged me about TPM is the way Qui Gon takes Anakin, a ten-year-old kid, into a war zone. Of course, this all turns out well, but he has no way of knowing that. The original script turns out to partially address this problem, which seems to be a recurring theme as I do these posts; to reiterate a point I’ve made before, I really do think that George Lucas tends to shackle himself a bit too strongly to his pre-conceived notion of a proper running time for his movies. My version of TPM would be quite a bit longer, but I don’t think any fans would have complained about that, had certain things in the story been handled more deftly.

Anyhow, the next scene is on the landing platform, where the Queen’s party is getting ready to launch. I like the bit where Obi Wan tries to talk Qui Gon out of his insistence on training Anakin, and Qui Gon’s response that it’s merely Obi Wan’s point of view, presaging Obi Wan’s later bit about point-of-view to Luke in ROTJ. I’d revise the whole scene just a bit:

QUI-GON, OBI-WAN, and ANAKIN stand on the landing platform outside the ship. Anakin is mainly trying to stay out of the way. Technicians bustle about, preparing the ship for liftoff.

OBI-WAN: It is not disrespect, Master, it is the truth.

QUI-GON: From your point of view….

OBI-WAN: The boy is dangerous…they all sense it. Why can’t you?

QUI-GON: His future is uncertain, Obi Wan, as are all futures, including yours and mine. The Council will decide Anakin’s future…that should be enough for you. Now get on board!

OBI-WAN reluctantly boards the Naboo spacecraft followed by ARTOO. A shuttle arrives, bearing the Queen’s party. CAPTAIN PANAKA, SENATOR PALPATINE, TWENTY OR SO TROOPS, GUARDS, and OFFICERS walk briskly toward the ship, followed by QUEEN AMIDALA, PADME, EIRTAE, and finally, JAR JAR. AMIDALA and her HANDMAIDENS stop before the JEDI.

QUI-GON: Your Highness, it is our pleasure to continue to serve and protect you.

QUEEN AMIDALA: I welcome your help. Senator Palptaine fears the Federation means to destroy me.

QUI GON: I promise you, My Lady, we will not let that happen.

Anakin steps forward a bit as the Queen’s party moves by, hoping to catch a glance from Padme, but she and the Queen are busily holding a whispered conference, and she moves past Anakin and onto the ship without even noticing that he’s standing there. Anakin looks a bit crestfallen.

QUI GON: Anakin! Come on board, my boy.

Anakin follows Qui Gon onto the ship. Last to board are JAR JAR and Artoo.

JAR JAR: Wesa goen home!

EXT: Space – Coruscant.

The ship blasts away from the planet and disappears into hyperspace.

Yup, the conversation about the midichlorians is gone from this scene. I’m getting there, but I always thought that was a very odd place to have that conversation in the first place: “Sure, kid, we’re about to lift off and fly back to a war zone, but let me take a minute to explain the nature of the Universe to you.” So we’ll get there in a bit.

Next is a brief scene between Darth Sidious and the Federation guys on Naboo. I’d change this as follows:

INT: Sith spacecraft – meditation chamber.

DARTH MAUL kneels in his dark meditation chamber before a hologram of DARTH SIDIOUS.

SIDIOUS: So the Queen is returning to Naboo after all. This is not what I predicted, but it will work out in our favor. I can use her actions on Coruscant to my advantage. She has changed the political will in the Senate, but she is turning into a random element who cannot be trusted. I will instruct the Viceroy to destroy her when she arrives, but you shall have your way with her Jedi warriors. The Council has become arrogant. It is time for them to feel the wrath of the Sith.

Darth Maul bows as the hologram fades from view.

EXT: Space.

The Sith spacecraft arcs toward the surface of Naboo.

At this point, in the film, the Queen arrives back on Naboo. However, we need to do something first:

INT: Queen’s ship – main hold.

Qui Gon walks past a sleeping Obi Wan, and he stops to glance into a small room where ANAKIN sits, staring at a computer screen.

QUI GON: You are reading about Tatooine?

ANAKIN: There’s not much here. I suppose that’s because it’s not much of a planet.

QUI GON: There is never any predicting which worlds will shape history, Anakin. My own homeworld isn’t much more impressive than yours, at first glance.

Qui Gon sits down beside the boy.

QUI GON: You handled yourself well before the Council.

ANAKIN: They talked about me like I wasn’t even there. And they’re not going to let me become a Jedi. I can’t go back home because I’m free and my mother is still a slave. So what will I do?

QUI GON: You will do what we all do: you will trust the Force to guide you.

ANAKIN: Everyone was talking about destinies and blood and “midichlorians”. I don’t even know what those are.

QUI GON: Well, that is a question that even the Jedi have not settled. Midichlorians are a microscopic life form that exist within all living cells, for the most part. There are only a handful of species in the Galaxy we know of whose cells do not contain them. They live in me, they live in the Queen, in Jar Jar – everyone. They live in you.

ANAKIN: But why are they so important?

QUI GON: Finding people who could become Jedi Knights used to be a matter of instinct. We can sense the Force, and we can feel when we are in the presence of someone who is strong with it. That is what led me to you: I can feel the Force strong within you, as strongly as I have ever felt it with anyone. The problem with relying on intuition, as we did in the past, was that sometimes we were wrong. We would train people as Jedi who simply weren’t powerful enough, or who weren’t strong enough to control the Force. The danger of temptation by the Dark Side was always present. But two hundred years ago, a Jedi scientist discovered that people who are strong with the Force are also host to much greater concentrations of midichlorians in their blood. He could not explain why this was so: are the midichlorians attracted to the Force, or created by it? Why do some individuals with very high concentration of midichlorians in their blood – Naboo’s own Senator Palpatine is one – fail to show any aptitude at all for the Force? And it didn’t help matters that this particular scientist disappeared while on an expedition to a secret planet which he thought to be the birthplace of the midichlorians. Much of his research was lost, and our own scientists have followed his footsteps ever since. And ever since we have used blood samples more than our own intimations of the Living Force to seek out Jedi padawans.

ANAKIN: You say that like it’s a bad thing.

QUI GON: The reliance on midichlorians has its own problems, Anakin. Even those who put great importance on them cannot agree if were are communing with the Force ourselves, or if we are communing with the midichlorians who are in turn communing with the Force. Also, having a high midichlorian count does not necessarily mean that a person is strong with the Force, so much time has been wasted trying to train people who could not become Jedi at all. Naboo’s own Senator Palpatine has an unusually high midichlorian count for a human, and he has never shown the slightest aptitude for the Force. And there are some who believe that the reliance on a simple blood test to choose Jedi means that in a very real way the Jedi have turned away from the Force itself, and have stopped relying upon it to lead us in the way we are supposed to go. My own teacher believed this, and he eventually left the Jedi order because of this disagreement. It is an issue that divides the Jedi to this day.

ANAKIN: What do you believe?

QUI GON: I prefer to trust the living Force. It has never guided me wrong. I only took your blood sample to convince those on the Council who disagree with me on such matters.

Anakin shakes his head.

ANAKIN: I thought the Jedi knew everything.

Qui Gon smiles.

QUI GON: Again, I wish that were so.

OBI WAN sticks his head in the door.

OBI WAN: Master? We are entering the Naboo system.

QUI GON: Thank you, Obi Wan.

He turns back to Anakin.

QUI GON: Anakin, we are heading into a dangerous situation. This planet is at war. We will take you to someplace safe, and you must stay there. I will leave the droid, Artoo, with you. He is resourceful, as able a droid as I have seen.

ANAKIN: Does he have a high midichlorian count, too?

Qui Gon laughs.

So that’s what I’d do with regard to the midichlorians. I wouldn’t strike them entirely from the record, but I’d make them more ambiguous, and thus a part of the background story of why the Jedi have started to fall on hard times. A point that sometimes gets lost is that the Prequel Trilogy does not present the Jedi at their greatest, in their glory, but in a time when they are sliding toward failure, and that they don’t even know it until their fate is already sealed. Positing a division within the Jedi, over something fairly esoteric like midichlorians, would help that notion along.

(By the way, I really like that little aside I throw in there about Palpatine having a high midichlorian count but no apparent Force skill. And the disappearing scientist? There could be a tale there. Maybe the secret planet is Dagobah…and maybe he was killed by Darth Plagueis….)

The truth is, I was never bothered all that much by the idea of the midichlorians. I know that many Star Wars fans actively detest the whole idea, thinking that sticking some sort of half-baked scientific basis for The Force utterly negates all of the pleasant mysticism of the Original Trilogy, but I don’t think it has to be seen that way at all. The problem is that the midichlorian thing in the PT never really goes anywhere, other than to add a bit of nomenclature to something that didn’t really need it. That being the case, I assumed from the outset of their mention in TPM that Lucas had something in mind, someplace he was going with all this midichlorian stuff. It turned out that he didn’t. My supposition is that Lucas was somehow influenced by all those episodes of Star Trek‘s various series in the 1990s, when everything always ended up being explained by a careful appeal to the Subatomic Particle of the Week.

Actually, that’s not entirely fair to Lucas, who has long been interested in Eastern religion and mysticism. Now that I think it over, I suspect that the whole midichlorian thing reflects some of the attempts over the last few decades by various thinkers and writers to showcase parallels between Western science and Eastern mysticism (in books like The Tao of Physics and The Dancing Wu Li Masters). So I don’t have a philosophical problem with Lucas’s attempt to blend science and mysticism in the PT per se, but I do have a story problem with it. It doesn’t really help move the story along, and it could have.

That’s probably a good place to leave off for now. The next installment will likely bring my examination of TPM to a close. Stay tuned, Star Warriors!

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I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right.

The Top Ten Episodes of Magnum PI

This post is suggested by a recent post by Jason, wherein he reports that in the inevitable movie version of this old teevee show from the 1980s (because if it was on teevee in the 1980s, it’ll be on a movie screen soon enough, so bring on that Riptide movie! And Simon and Simon!), the role of Thomas Sullivan Magnum will be played by Matthew McConnaughey. Personally, I don’t have much of a problem with McConnaughey as an actor, but he’s got his own thing going on, and I don’t see him recreating the air that Tom Selleck brought to Magnum. Jason has the goods on Magnum as a character: at first glance, he’s a ne’er-do-well beach bum slacker, but underneath the exterior of shorts, floral shirts and a Detroit Tigers baseball cap is a fiercely intelligent, piercingly observant, and forceful man who can even descend into some pretty dark places. Can Matthew McConnaughey capture this? I don’t know. He’s been the doofus in a lot of doofus comedies, but he was also pretty good dramatically in Contact and Amistad, so, who knows.

Anyway, back to the show. Magnum, PI was a staple of Thursday night teevee in our home for pretty much the entirety of its run, although in its last couple of seasons it tended to be a little darker than my parents found to their liking. At its best, though, Magnum was always a terribly entertaining show. It had nifty detective stuff, nice action sequences here and there, some terrific cast chemistry, and a lot of wonderful character-driven conflict and humor. The continual battle of wills between Thomas Magnum and Jonathan Quayle Higgins was often played for laughs, but underneath it all was the fact that as different as these two men were and as crazy as they could drive one another, in the end, each would walk through fire for the other if they needed to.

So yeah, I was a big fan of Magnum, PI. Here’s a list of my favorite ten episodes. My summaries below are spoilerish, so if you’re watching the show on DVD for the first time, skip this post.

1. Memories Are Forever, parts one and two

Magnum established fairly early on that Magnum was married while in Vietnam to a French nurse, who was later killed in a hospital explosion. In this two-part episode, she turns up alive, and married to a Vietnamese general. It’s a thrilling episode, filled with intrigue and the tragedy of two lovers who cannot be together. (Hmmm…they should make a movie like that. Maybe get someone Bogart-esque to play the lead….)

2. Unfinished Business

The flip-side to the episode above, years later it turns out that Magnum has fathered a little girl with his former wife, Michelle. Both are murdered by yet another Vietnamese general (there were lots of these throughout the show’s run), and Magnum sets out for revenge. This is a gritty and intense episode, made especially memorable by Magnum’s standard voiceovers, which here take the form of letters he can no longer send to his daughter. (Of course, the series finale would establish that Lily, Magnum’s daughter, wasn’t killed after all.) Also notable is the performance by Lance LeGault as Colonel Buck Greene, a Navy Intelligence officer who recurs a number of times throught the series’s run to clash heads with Magnum.

3. Did You See the Sunrise, parts one and two

Another two-parter (or maybe it was a two-hour episode later split into two parts for syndication; remember when teevee shows had actual episodes of double length, as opposed to being regular-length episodes with extra commercials, or just two episodes run together end-on-end?) dealing with the Vietnam exploits of Magnum and friends (he, helicopter pilot TC, and club operator Rick all served there together). Here, a brutal Russian prison guard named Ivan they had the misfortune of meeting in Nam comes to Hawaii, having run up the ranks and become a diplomat. TC is brainwashed into attempting to kill Ivan, but the plot is more nefarious than that, and in the course of things, Magnum’s friend from the Navy, Lt. MacReynolds (“Mac”), whom Thomas is always bribing with food to get him classified information, is killed when the bad guys bomb Magnum’s Ferrari (without him inside, of course). The final scene, where Magnum finally confronts Ivan directly, presents the series’s most surprising ending.

4. Home From the Sea

This episode has no case for Magnum to solve. Instead, on the Fourth of July, Magnum is out at sea, paddling his surf-ski as part of his personal tradition of spending Independence Day alone. A speedboat knocks him off his surf-ski, and Magnum is alone in the ocean, during which he flashes back to his father’s last days. Meanwhile, his friends all have premonitions that Magnum is in serious danger. It’s a very effective episode.

5. I Witness

Magnum wasn’t always a serious show, however; often it put its tongue-in-cheek sense of humor on display. This episode is a good case in point: the King Kamehameha Club is the scene of an armed robbery, and Magnum has to figure out who did it, based on the clues buried in the varying accounts of the robbery he is given by his friends, whose clothes were stolen in the course of the robbery. The whole Rashomon thing may be something of a cliché these days, but here, as each person tells his story in a way that makes him look the best, the result is hilarious.

6. Luther Gillis: File 521

This episode pairs Magnum’s 1980s Hawaiian gumshoe with Luther Gillis, a St. Louis gumshoe who talks like he’s right out of a Dashiell Hammet novel. Gillis is working a missing persons case, and he ends up working with Magnum, much to Magnum’s chagrin. It’s pretty much the old “Two guys who can’t stand each other forced to work together” buddy story, but it’s done infectiously well. Gillis was a fan favorite, so he returned a few more times over the show’s run, but this first appearance was his best.

7. Laura

Like any popular teevee series, Magnum PI would occasionally feature big-name guest stars. Carol Burnett appeared a couple of times, for instance, but this grim episode brought in Frank Sinatra. The climactic sequence takes place without dialogue; just the sounds of the Honolulu streetscape backed by the throbbing chords of “Tonight Tonight Tonight” by Genesis (a stylistic riff, perhaps, on Miami Vice‘s use of “In the Air Tonight”). I only saw this episode a couple of times, but it is a standout.

8. Paper War

During the last season or two, there was a running gag involving Magnum’s hypothesis that Jonathan Higgins, the Major Domo of writer Robin Masters’s Hawaii estate (called “Robin’s Nest”), actually is Robin Masters. This is the episode where Magnum first draws that conjecture, as the occasionally combative relationship between the two men escalates into a fairly nasty prank war, culminating in one of the most hilarious bits in the show’s history: Magnum blowing up Higgins’s matchstick model of the Bridge on the River Kwai, while he’s whistling “Colonel Bogey” to Higgins over the phone. Later, in a standard bit of plot handling, when the two have decided that they can no longer coexist in any way, they’re locked together inside an elevator in an abandoned building, which is where Magnum starts suggesting that Higgins is Robin Masters. (The show would never officially clear up this point; it’s a pleasant notion, but it was clearly cooked up after the fact, when a number of earlier episodes establish people from Robin Masters’s past speaking to Robin as if he actually is Robin. But Higgins-as-Robin is a lot more satisfying, so…I dunno.)

9. Holmes Is Where the Heart Is

Another Special Guest Star episode here: Patrick Macnee, as an old friend of Higgins’s. Higgins has locked himself in the study at Robin’s Nest and is typing away on his old typewriter, while Magnum is desperately trying to figure out what it is that has Higgins behaving so obsessively. The story he’s writing is told in flashback: when his friend, played by Macnee, came to visit him some years earlier (before Higgins met Magnum), and turned out to be mentally ill, believing himself to be Sherlock Holmes. It’s a fun episode that has a very touching ending, and the framing story works because of the show’s great chemistry between Magnum and Higgins as adversarial friends.

10. Deja Vu, parts one and two

In lieu of the Special Guest Star, Magnum PI would indulge that other great stunt of hit teevee shows everywhere: the Special Location! Here, Magnum and friends travel to Great Britain, ostensibly to help set up the newest of Robin Masters’s estates, an English castle he’s calling “Robin’s Keep”. Here, while Higgins tries to train the ineffectual British guy who’s to do the same job here that Higgins does in Hawaii (this fellow played by Peter Davison, who is most famous as the Fifth Doctor on Doctor Who), Magnum becomes involved in some intrigue involving an old buddy of his from the Vietnam days who did assassination work in that war, and who turns out to have stayed in that line of work after it. There’s also a subplot involving Higgins’s reticence to drop in and visit his father, since the two haven’t spoken in years.

So there they are: ten episodes of Magnum PI. Funny thing is, I left out a bunch of episodes that I like a lot as well, so if I were to re-write this post tomorrow, I’d probably include nine completely new episodes (my Number One is pretty much a constant; that’s a truly great episode). Maybe the one, originally intended for the series finale until the show got picked up for another year, where Magnum is critically wounded in a gun battle and spends the episode as a ghost, hovering on the edge of death; or the one where a psychologically fragile Magnum thinks he’s seen his old friend Mac, dead for several years, very much alive on the streets of Honolulu; or the one where Magnum is paired with a modern day Samurai warrior (played by Mako). What a great show that was.

As a wrap-up, here are the show’s opening credits. It feels like Thursday nights on CBS again!

(Trivia question: Everyone knows that Magnum’s favorite baseball team was the Detroit Tigers. But what was his favorite beer?)

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