That cover sets the bar pretty high, eh? I like my SF with BIG EFFIN’ STARSHIPS. So that cover indicates BIG EFFIN’ STARSHIPS. Therefore, bring on the tales about stuff that happens in and around BIG EFFIN’ STARSHIPS!
That’s quite the headscratcher….
As of this writing, we’re watching the news on Channel 7 while we wait for the load of laundry to dry. They’re reporting on a guy who brought a handgun with him into the Seneca Niagara Casino in Niagara Falls, which he then used right on the gaming floor to commit suicide. And the angle Channel 7 keeps using the angle on their coverage of “How could this man possibly bring a gun into the Casino!!!”
The Casino spokesperson indicates that they have security personnel stationed about the place [Duh! Show me a casino that has no security personnel on the gaming floor, anywhere!], they have surveillance cameras, and — this cracked me up — they have a sign prominently posted at all entrances indicating that firearms are not permitted!
Well, I’m baffled too, then, because once you put up a sign forbidding Behavior X, Behavior X is never a problem again. That’s why nobody exceeds the speed limits on the highways! It all fits! I’ll bet that the key to Peace in the Middle East would simply be to plaster the entire region with signage reading, “Blowing shit up is expressly forbidden by law.”
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All your egg are belong to us!
Here’s something I didn’t know: every year for the Annual White House Easter Egg Hunt, each state sends its own decorated egg for use in the event. Here are a few that amused or entranced:
Iowa:
Maine:
New York:
(Not wild about that one myself, but hey, that’s my state.)
South Carolina:
(OK, maybe I’m dumb, but this one seems a little…Confederate-minded, in my eyes….)
And then there’s Wyoming’s egg, which wasn’t even done by a person who lives in Wyoming:
I’m sorry, but with all due respect, this is the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree of Easter Eggs. I try, but all I can do is laugh as I look at it.
Anyhow, there are your 2007 State Easter Eggs, folks!
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O for a problem that this solution would solve!
So I’ve been selling books on eBay lately (link to my auctions is over there in the sidebar). When I sell a book, I generally just slip it into a bubble-mailer, seal the envelope and tape it shut for good measure, and address it. Then I figure postage by weighing it on a kitchen scale (we have a nice digital one that does the job perfectly), and plug that weight into the form on USPS.com. Finally I simply slap on the number of stamps that will get the item there, and drop it in the mailbox at work.
Except apparently this will no longer work for heavier books, because I did not know that according to “heightened security measures”, if you’re mailing something that’s more than sixteen ounces, you are required to hand it to a retail clerk at a Post Office. In other words, no dropping items into the mailbox anymore.
So today a package of mine with a single book in it was actually returned to me, with a note attached explaining all this. Now I have to take this package to the post office tomorrow and hand it to the clerk, whereupon we will have the following conversation:
CLERK: Is there anything liquid or perishable in here, sir?
ME: No. It’s a book.
CLERK: Any insurance of verification of delivery?
ME: No, thank you.
CLERK: OK. [puts package onto the pile of outgoing stuff] Need any stamps?
ME: Got any of those Star Wars stamps?
CLERK: No, but we have the Great Moments in Frozen Food series.
ME: OK, fine.
CLERK: Have a nice day.
That’s all that will happen. Believe me, I’ve mailed enough books through the years that I know whereof I speak. So how is this in any way to help with “security”? It’s not like the mail clerks are going to assess my package for its potential bad-stuff-containing possibilities right then and there; surely the package will be scanned at some point in the mail-handling process, but as all the mail ends up at the same place eventually before being redistributed again, who cares? How will any of this prevent someone from hollowing out the pages of a book, Andy Dufresne-style, and mailing nefarious items that way?
This is a stupid, stupid rule.
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Let there be gnashing of teeth and rending of garments.
On American Idol, Sanjaya Malakar just rendered mortal a song that had originally been renderred immortal by Fred Astaire. Not only did he make Astaire roll over in his grave, but he made Ginger Rogers wail in horror in hers.
Gods, this guy is B-A-D bad. If Sanjaya was a vampire, he’d be Count Suckula.
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Cinematic wisdom
For no real reason, I think there should be a selection online of the greatest advice ever given in the movies or TV shows. Hence this post. I’ll start listing some as they come to me, and feel free to add some in comments — I’ll update as needed.
(These will of necessity be in no particular order.)
1. “Try not! Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’.” (The Empire Strikes Back)
2. “Don’t tug on that! You never know what it might be attached to.” (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension)
3. “Don’t drink it all at once, and try not to drink it all alone.” (Star Trek: The Next Generation, “Family”)
4. “Look eye! Always look eye.” (The Karate Kid)
5. “People will come, Ray. People will most definitely come.” (Field of Dreams)
6. “Your half-assed underparenting is a lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting.” (The Simpsons)
7. “No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye for Johnny the tackling Alzheimer’s patient.” (Scrubs)
8. “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.” (A League of Their Own)
9. “Poise! Poise!” (Seinfeld, “The Chaperone”)
10. “God doesn’t cause car accidents, and you know it. Stop using me as an excuse.” (The West Wing, “Two Cathedrals”)
11. “Stay away from the mounds, or the termites will eat all the wood in your body.” (BJ from The Amazing Race IX)
Fire away! I’ll update as I think of more. (No need to keep it at one selection per film or show, either.)
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The toughest of possible choices
If I were banished to a deserted island, and if I were given an iPod with an unlimited amount of power but which would only come with a single item on it and that item was the video of a single dance number from a movie, and I had to pick before my marooning the one and only one dance number which I would ever again be able to watch, and my choices came down to this number or this one…I’d just wait for the tide to go out and then swim out to let myself be taken with it.
Seriously, I couldn’t do without either one.
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Mall for sale?
According to the Syracuse Post-Standard, Robert Congel, the head of The Pyramid Companies, is considering selling his portfolio of malls and shopping centers except for Syracuse’s own Carousel Center, which is the starting block of his Destiny USA dream/project. Pyramid’s major local holding is the Walden Galleria.
Pyramid’s complete portfolio can be reviewed here. They also own The Shops at West Seneca, which if you’ve been by that location, consists of a Tops grocery store, a K-Mart, and a wide expanse of fenced-off undeveloped land where the old Seneca Mall used to reside. It seems that Congel has put his properties up for sale before, in 1998, but removed them from the market when prices for shopping centers dropped.
(If you’re not familiar with the Destiny USA project, go check it out. I’ve never been able to decide if it’s “out there” in a good way or in an outlandish, “gimme a break” kind of way, but it’s definitely “out there”. The idea makes me imagine if they took a couple of city blocks from Coruscant and plunked it down on the west side of Syracuse.)
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Hey! I know her! (Sort of!)
I saw this article linked by Jen, and I thought the person therein looked familiar, so I read a bit deeper. Hmmmm…Steph Waller…name sounds familiar. Hmmm…”composer-turned-writer”…and wouldn’t you know it! She’s been on my blogroll for several years now!
So go say hello to the Incurable Insomniac. You’ve made it in Buffalo, Steph!
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The Eternal Nature of Motherhood
I saw this photo at Flickr a bit ago (via), as part of a pretty amazing photoset. The way this young mother smiles at her child is entrancing — especially since the photo was apparently taken in 1971. That kid is my age, and the mother is probably somewhere around 60 years old now. No matter how much time passes, some things are just ingrained in the human species, no?
(What else strikes me is that very few of the fashions seen in this photoset strike me as absurd! I guess I am just a hippie, thirty years too late. Kind of like Jimmy Buffet’s pirate….)