The Yes/No Quiz

I did this on Facebook, and am now crossposting it here. The rules:

1. You can ONLY answer Yes or No!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages or comments you and Asks!

Now, here’s what you’re supposed to do… And please do not spoil the Fun. Copy and paste this into your notes , delete my answers, type in your answers and tag as many of your friends as you’d like to. Then see what happens.

—

Kissed anyone one of your facebook friends? Yes.

Been arrested? No.

Kissed someone you didn’t like? No.

Slept in until 5 PM? No.

Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes.

Held a snake? No.

Ran a red light? Yes.

Been suspended from school? No.

Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? No.

Been fired from a job? Yes.

Sang karaoke? No.

Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes.

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes.

Kissed in the rain? No.

played strip poker? No.

Flown on a plane? Yes.

Been on a cruise? No.

Have any regrets in life? Yes.

Sang in the shower? Yes.

Sat on a rooftop? Yes.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? No.

Broken a bone? Yes.

Shaved your head? No!

Blacked out from drinking? No.

Played a prank on someone? Yes.

Felt like killing someone? Yes.

Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes.

Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? No.

Been in a band? Yes.

Shot a gun? No.

Tripped on mushrooms? No.

Donated Blood? Yes.

Eaten alligator meat? No.

Eaten cheesecake? Yes.

Still love someone you shouldn’t? No.

Think about the future? Yes.

Believe in love? Yes.

Sleep on a certain side of the bed? Yes.

That’s it. Kinda dull, but there it is.

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Twenty-seven (!) things about me

This meme-thing has been sweeping through Facebookatopia the last few days, with everybody and their brother getting tagged constantly. It’s just your basic “write X things about yourself” things, and I figured I’d cross-post my Facebook version here, since this blog is really my main homestead in cyberspace, as it were. Facebookatopia is a fun place to have a summer cottage, but Blogistan is always home!

Anyway, here are my twenty-seven things. Long-time readers of this blog already know some of this.

1. A new realization: I don’t much like air travel at all, but I find airports to be utterly fascinating places. I think there’s a story in there somewhere.

2. For the first time since high school, my regular wardrobe includes blue jeans. I still don’t wear them that often, but I’ve got ’em. I didn’t even own any jeans in college; in those years I lived in sweats, Zubaz pants, and occasionally my dressier khakis or whatever.

3. My first musical instrument was the French horn, in fifth grade. I switched to cornet a year later, and made the final transition to trumpet two years after that. (The cornet is virtually identical to the trumpet, except the tone is softer, although not quite so soft as a flugelhorn. The playing of each instrument is identical, though.)

4. Vegetables I hated for years, until the last few years: mushrooms, squash.

5. Vegetables I still hate and plan to until death: broccoli, asparagus.

6. I first discovered chicken wings as a food item in themselves when we moved to Olean, NY in 1981. However, the place we always went for wings, a little working-class bar across from a factory called The Roxy, didn’t do Buffalo-style wings, so I didn’t learn what those were all about for a while. The Roxy’s wings were breaded and served plain, with the hot sauce in a little paper cup on the side.

7. When The Daughter was born, the first time I touched her was the brush her cheek with the back of my index finger. I think I did that to prove to myself that she was real.

8. My mother-in-law was a private music teacher and an organist for several churches. She was, in my estimation, very good on the organ.

9. Alan says he can compartmentalize his work life from his home life very well. I can’t, and anymore I make very little effort to try. If something is seriously bothering me in either realm, it affects the other. I can’t see expending the effort to separate myself into two people or lives. (Not to quibble with Alan’s ability or suggest that he’s wrong to do so. I just can’t be like that.)

10. Extra-virgin olive oil is one of my newest great loves. I rarely eat bread with butter on it anymore; I dip the bread in the oil.

11. As a kid I tended to get unmercifully made fun of for many things, one of which was a tendency to suffer from, well, plumber’s butt. To this day I’m paranoid about plumber’s butt. Hence the overalls, which solves that problem very nicely.

12. The Wife and I dated five years before getting engaged. Yes, I know the test drive was ridiculously long, but she had to make sure she didn’t think I was a complete dingus.

13. I don’t spend enough time writing.

14. I love to cook, but I gravitate toward recipes with fewer ingredients. I get tired of cutting, chopping, mincing, dicing, cubing, and all the rest of it.

15. About the only genre of music I can’t name a single song or work from that I actually like is rap. I don’t think that rap is “noise”, nor do I disparage it by saying that “rap isn’t music”, but it is so generally not my cup of tea that I can’t name a single rap song that I’ve ever heard and liked.

16. I root for the Buffalo Sabres because they’re the local team, but I don’t know a thing about hockey, to be quite honest. So scant is my hockey acumen that I actually liked it when they superimposed that blue dot over the puck during telecasts of hockey games.

17. I discovered my favorite (living) author, Guy Gavriel Kay, by virtue of one of his books having a stunningly beautiful dust jacket.

18. Being in college in Iowa at the time, there were no Buffalo-style chicken wings to be found in town when the Bills played in Super Bowl XXV (the first of the four they lost). So for that game I made do with a large box of Hot Wings from KFC. For the next two years, I made my own wings with the deep fryer I bought. By the fourth time, I was at home again, but I decided that maybe the factor was my eating wings that kept them from winning. Thus I consumed no chicken wings during Super Bowl XXVIII. The Bills lost anyway. So, I decided that the real factor was nothing that I was doing, but just that the Bills for some reason didn’t play very well in those games.

19. For all my love of sophisticated comedy with sparkling wordplay, I love some well-done slapstick as well. A pie in the face always makes me happy.

20. But oddly, despite the facts that I love good slapstick and pies in the face always make me happy, I’ve never much been fond of the Three Stooges. Abbott and Costello, however, bring me joy — maybe because they combine sparkling wordplay WITH visual slapstick.

21. The two teevee shows whose cancellations vex me to the highest degree are “Once and Again” and “Firefly”. And I didn’t even watch all of Firefly until five years after it got axed…but really, that’s all that FOX would give it?

22. I’ve been growing my hair out since early 2000, when I left the restaurant job where short hair was required of men. Since then I’ve only had a handful of maintenance trims.

23. I’ve had the beard since April or May 2004, when I was working for The Store and realized that I could grow a beard. I’d had a beard in college, but it had been a scraggly affair back then, with no mustache to speak of. Now I have the whole deal. I keep it trimmed myself.

24. My religious “problem” is that I’ve yet to find a religion that doesn’t strike me as having SOMETHING very wise and worthwhile to say about humanity, the world, and our place within it. How can one be right and all others be wrong? I have no idea how to resolve this spiritual crisis, either.

25. Dogs scare the hell out of me.

26. I sometimes think that my entire life is an endless quest for something that makes me feel the way “Star Wars” did back in 1977, or “Lord of the Rings” did back in 1983, or Berlioz’s “Symphonie fantastique” did in 1986, or Rachmaninov’s Symphony No. 2 did in 1989, or Mark Camphouse’s “Elegy” did in 1990, or “The Fionavar Tapestry” did back in 1994. I’ve come close a bunch of times and found a lot of wonderful stuff along the way, but I’ve never quite replicated those feelings.

27. All you men who have done this meme-thing and included the obligatory thing about your wives being the greatest women in the Universe: knock it off. Mine is. You’re all a bunch of pretenders!!! (But seriously, the percentage of all of my happiest memories that don’t include my wife as part of them is really, really tiny. And my goal is to make that percentage as tiny as possible with whatever time I have left.)

No tagging. If you feel like it, fine; if not, also fine.

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The Five Questions Game!!!

Hooray! One of my favorite blog meme-things, the “Five Questions” interview game, has finally made its way around Blogistan again. It’s taken a little while, and the timing is a bit goofy for me personally since next month is when I traditionally do “Ask Me Anything!”, but there it is. My five questions come from Steph, and here they are:

1. How do ideas for your books come to you?

They don’t come to me. I have to go steal them. Next question!

But seriously, I generally have no idea where my ideas come from. Mostly I suppose that stuff I observe in life, including stories I take in via books or short fiction, movies, teevee shows, or whatever, just goes into a giant hopper in my head, gets stirred around a bit, and every once in a while, out pops an idea. Very few ideas spring into my head fully-formed, in the sense that writing the tale from that idea feels like “taking dictation from the Muse”, as it were. (In fact, the only such idea I can remember having is the one for my story “What Happened to the Huntsman?”, which is still one of my favorite stories and one whose failure to sell to anyone rankles a bit.) Mostly my ideas are half-ripe and I have to tease them out through the writing. Sometimes it’s fairly easy, and as I start writing the story the idea generally falls into place, but other times, the story I attempt ends up going nowhere, and I have to shelve the notion. I have a few of these on my hard drive at the moment, in various stages of uncompletion, and who knows if I’ll ever get back to them.

The idea behind my ongoing tale “The Balance in the Blood” was one idea that took me a couple of aborted drafts to get going, but the central idea there – that the Nazis in the camps were trying to create vampires – was one that stuck with me until I finally managed to write the story that came from it.

Other ideas come to me as simple notions to be explored: What if some rural bar in the middle of the Depression started serving magic beer that made everyone happy? What if a man finds a letter addressed to him, from a complete stranger, tucked inside a library book? What if King Arthur returned? But some ideas come to me in a bit more complete form than that, and some of these ideas I haven’t even written yet, such as the fantasy I have in mind involving the young son of a lighthouse keeper, or the space opera about the two sisters, both Princesses on their home worlds, whose ship is blasted off course until they end up on an uncharted world that seems to have been expecting them, or the screenplay I’ve just started about the man who finds himself haunted by the ghost of the criminal who killed his wife.

Very, very rarely do I see things in real life that give me story ideas. “In Longhand” is one such story; this springs from a regular customer who used to come into the restaurant where I worked. He was an older gentleman with a pleasant German accent, and one day, one of my servers remarked, “I’ll bet that guy is one of those Nazis that the US adopted because he knew how to make an atom bomb.” Well, that story came out pretty quickly. The first tale I ever submitted for publication (rejected, obviously), “Graveyard Waltz”, was suggested by a song by the Hooters. I’ve been thinking for a few months now that there’s a heck of a movie to be made from the love story of Robert and Clara Schumann. And so it goes.

So, where do my ideas come from? Everywhere. And nowhere. (Hmmm…on review, my flip answer “I steal my ideas” maybe isn’t so flip at all.)

2. How do you develop your characters? Do you use a card file system (or etc.), keep them in your head, or do you use some other method?

This may sound odd, but I do none of this. I never think of my characters in terms of their personalities or their backstories; I don’t spend hours writing character sketches before I ever start writing the stories. When I start writing, I don’t know my characters any better than the reader does when they start reading the tale. I get to know my characters while I write their stories, and as I go, I just keep it straight in my head as I make it up. I know the bare minimum about the characters when I set out to write, enough that when I introduce the character, I can say, “OK, there’s this person, and this is what happens to that person.”

This can lead to trouble, and when I find myself taking a story in a wrong direction and thus end up having to backtrack, it could be said that my characters are telling me, “That’s not what we would do. You need to fix that.” But it can also lead to wonderful surprises. In my first draft of The Promised King, when I introduced Sir Baigent, he was literally an afterthought; I only gave him a name because I knew that the guy he works for, Lord Matholyn, would be an important character in the story himself, so Sir Baigent seemed a potentially notable supporting player in the tale. Before my eyes Sir Baigent instead became more important than Lord Matholyn; in fact, if I ever get the entire thing finished and online, it turns out that his importance to the story is second to no one’s.

So for me, in terms of character, writing is almost totally an act of discovery.

3. Like my friend Deni, you’ve lost a child (and I hope this isn’t too personal. If it is, please pardon me and feel free not to answer). What was the one thing that got you through the worst of such a terrible loss?

Wow, talk about a shift of gears. What got me through? The usual stuff, obviously: an outpouring of support from family and friends, both online and off. But the “worst” turns out to not actually be those first days after the loss; nor is the “worst” the funeral, even. During that period a certain numbness settles, and I found myself often entertaining thoughts that were surprising in their oddity, given the situation – for instance, my momentary disappointment when I realized, two days later, that Little Quinn had died the morning his older sister had been supposed to go on a field trip she’d been looking forward to. Or the other little details that I noticed, such as the medical examiner telling us that when his office was done with their work (meaning, when the autopsy was finished), we could make our arrangements with “the person we use for this sort of thing”, making it sound like we have a “usual guy”, in the same way we go to the same place to get the oil changed in our cars. Weird.

What also helped, I suppose, in an odd sort of way, is the fact of Little Quinn’s life (and the manner of Fiona’s passing, as well). With Quinn, well – it’s hard to admit this, but with him, there really was the sense, almost from the night he was born, that his wasn’t going to be a normal life. The doctors kept us appraised, of course, all through the time he was in that NICU, but finally there came a point – about two weeks after his birth, if I remember it all rightly – that the docs confirmed the worst fears, that Quinn was brain-damaged and that his life would involve disability of a possibly, perhaps probably, serious nature. I can’t speak for The Wife on this point, but pretty much from that moment I knew that the strong likelihood was that I would end up outliving him. I didn’t expect that to happen in fifteen months, and I certainly didn’t expect it when it came out of the blue one bright November morning after a long period during which he had started to show actual signs of improvement. I figured there would be a period of decline followed by an unsurprising passing.

With Fiona, of course, there was tremendous disappointment, but it was similar in that as soon as we knew she was coming out, barely twenty-two weeks into pregnancy, her game was up, too.

We lost those two, but in the ways they were lost, we were somewhat already able to come to grips with the loss of all the hopes and dreams that children represent before their actual deaths came to pass. I knew, less than a month into Little Quinn’s life, that I would almost certainly never teach him to ride a bike, or watch Star Wars with him, or any of that other stuff. His every day was pretty much a fight for the next day. You don’t want to get into the trap of comparing personal tragedies, because they’re called personal tragedies for a reason, but Little Quinn’s and Fiona’s deaths weren’t at all like, say, the man I work with whose daughter was killed in a car crash on her way home from trying on wedding dresses.

In the movie Unforgiven, Clint Eastwood has a line: “It’s a hell of a thing, killin’ a man. You take away everything he’s got, and everything he’s ever gonna have.” When Little Quinn died, it helped me to know that he didn’t have much and wasn’t ever going to have much.

I’m not sure if this answers the question, and anyway, I have to concede the possibility that I haven’t “got through” it at all.

4. What’s the story behind the blue denim overalls?

Wow, another change of gears! I’m not sure which “story” Steph is looking for here. In terms of the blog, I happened to be wearing overalls in the first self-photo I ever posted of myself here, and PZ Myers informed me that I looked like an axe murderer. This I found funny, so I just kind of adopted it as an online trademark, deciding that I’d be in overalls in (nearly) every photo of myself I’d use online. For now I’ve kind of backed off that a bit – the current headshot I’m using is a case in point – but I may go back. The overalls do turn out to be a useful device for weeding out the readership here: anyone who isn’t likely to be fun to have around is repelled by them in the first place. I do get the occasional – maybe once every six months – negative comment about the overalls, but these I pretty much ignore. There was one, once, that said something like “My God, those aren’t even close to fashionable anymore!” And I’m thinking, where on this blog can one find anything to indicate that I’m even the slightest bit interested in fashionable? (To say nothing of the colossal silliness of “fashion” as a concept, anyway: I’m fascinated by the groupthink inherent in the fact that overalls were incredibly popular in women’s wardrobes during the 1990s – much to my happiness during that decade, I must admit – but now they’re seen almost uniformly as a societal fashion faux pas. I see people express shock as the prospect that they might “come back”, which makes me laugh; everything comes back, sooner or later. If you can find a college yearbook from the 1970s or early 80s, have a look though the pages, and you’ll see the occasional pair of overalls in there.)

But if Steph’s wondering about me and overalls beyond Blogistan, well, fire up the Memory Machine! I wore them as a kid, as did every kid, I suppose, but for some weird reason I was horribly embarrassed by them and was convinced that everyone was staring at me or something. (I was four. It made sense then.) I liked them, but only in the context of home. Weird. I owned at least one pair my entire life, but I didn’t start wearing them publicly until college, which is when you get to dress any way you want with a general minimal amount of “OMG, what the hell are you wearing!” When I first wore them, though, most people thought I was trying to look like an authentic Iowan; that’s what I get for going to college in Iowa. Wouldn’t have happened if I’d gone to school in Schenectady…but anyway. Those old Dickies overalls got me through a couple of Iowa winters.

I was wearing overalls a lot prior to the surge in “grunge” as fashion in the early 1990s, when rugged work clothing became very popular. I just kept wearing them afterwards, is all. When they became more popular in the 90s, I bought more. I did go overboard a bit in that department, ending up with a fairly idiotically large collection of the things; over the last year I’ve occasionally been selling some of them on eBay, and in terms of buying new ones, I’m only interested in vintage ones, and those tend to be on the pricey side, so there I have to be vigilant in looking for good deals.

The Wife, incidentally, was not an overalls person until she and I got together, so that’s all my fault. I bought her her first pair when we’d been dating a little more than a year (no, it wasn’t an anniversary present), and after some initial skepticism she decided that she liked them, and she’s been my frequent companion in overalls ever since. It’s like our own little “secret code” sort of thing together. The Daughter seems to have no interest at all in them, which is fine by me. She’s got to do her own thing, you know?

Now, in terms of the blog, while I have adopted the overalls as part of my “persona” here, I don’t actually wear them day-in and day-out in real life. I mean, I do wear them a lot in real life, but not exhaustively. In fact, just the other day I was sitting in Borders working away on the laptop when someone actually recognized me from the blog and said hello. I was wearing khakis.

By the way, Steph asks about blue denim overalls specifically. It’s not always blue, though. There are the “hickory striped” overalls, made famous by railroad workers throughout the world; brown ones called “duck” for some reason; and I own a few black pairs as well. I wouldn’t mind getting a pair or two of off-white “painters” overalls, but I haven’t done that yet. Priorities, you know. But yeah: overalls rule. They’re comfortable, they can either be useful or whimsical, they’re economical because they last forever, and on women, I find them flattering. What else do I need?

5. Before blogging, what, if any, was your main mode of personal expression?

Before blogging? What went on back then? Hmmmm….

Well, back then my main online outlet was on Usenet, on a couple of low-traffic newsgroups (rec.music.movies being one). Other than that, I didn’t much have an outlet of this nature. I’d thought occasionally of setting up my own website where I’d post essays on various topics, but clearly I never got around to doing that until I discovered blogging (which is the same thing). Mostly, though, I had no outlet for this kind of thing. I did my writing in isolation, and that was about it. Wow, what a lonely world that was…but I largely kept my thoughts in my head. Now I can get them out, which is very nice.

And there we have it! If any of you would like a set of questions, all you have to do is leave a comment saying “Interview me!” or something similar in the comments on this post. (But make sure you leave a URL or some other way of identifying what blog you’re from, so I don’t do what I did last year and mistake one respondent with another blogger of the same name, and thus give questions that were horribly awry.)

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Ringin’ it in with a Quiz

I’m feeling the need to post something, and before we venture out for a fun-filled day of Gift Card Redemption, here’s a little years-end wrap-up quiz I found at Incurable Insomniac (who still owes me an interview, by the way!):

Best Party: Errr…didn’t go to any parties.
Worst Party: Ditto. No good parties, but no bad parties, either. Maybe some kind of Buffalo blog get-together might be in the offing in 2008, but I dunno…they only seem to have Twitter get-togethers these days, and I don’t do Twitter. (Seriously, if all you spare for me is time to read 140 characters, then sorry; I can’t even say hello in 140 characters. I’m like an Ent: I don’t say anything unless it’s worth taking a long time to say.) There’s usually a get-together of sorts to watch the State of the Union address, but that’s just not my speed.

Best Dinner: Probably the fish fry dinners we had every Friday during Lent; we’d get takeout and then sit on home and watch one disc of Lord of the Rings. It worked out perfectly, as the Extended Editions are spread across six discs.
Worst Dinner: I don’t recall any bad dinners this year. Even at my worst, when time was short and I was trying to get through a jam-packed night and could only find time to wolf down a PB&J, it was OK.

Best News: There’s a new President coming to town.
Worst News: Rejection slips. All you editors who keep refusing to buy my stuff are going to look pretty stupid, some day. You’ll see! (First I’ll learn to write better stories, though. That might help the cause.)

Best Reaction: The Jig of Ultimate Joy I did in my living room when Plaxico Burress caught the go-ahead, and game-winning, touchdown in the Super Bowl, which was repeated a few minutes later when the Giants took the ball over on downs, icing the game.
Worst Reaction: Probably a series of coarse words, uttered in a back room at work.

Best Creative Endeavor: The short stories I managed to write. Only a handful, but I like them. (And the screenplay that will never see the light of day; I enjoyed working in the format again.)
Worst Creative Endeavor: The list-as-long-as-my-arm of unfinished projects.

Best Blog Entry: Can’t pick just one. Here’s the master list.
Worst Blog Entry: Ummmm…you know what? You pick it.

Best Casual Get-Together: Didn’t do much of those, either. I must have been freakishly antisocial in 2008, even by my standards.
Worst Casual Get-Together: See above….

Best Physical Feat: Reducing my weight, waist size, and so on.
Worst Physical Feat: Stubbing three toes at once. Ugh, that hurt.

Best Neighbors: Oddly, we actually lost neighbors this year. Two moved out. I hope it wasn’t us.
Worst Neighbors: CANADA!!! (Just kidding. I love Canada. We don’t have neighbor problems, actually.)

Best Web Feat: Blogging.
Worst Web Feat: Blogging.

Best Moment of Pride: Didn’t have one.
Worst Moment of Embarrassment: Nothing that’s getting written about here.

Best Moment of National Pride: Obama won.
Worst Moment of National Embarrassment: John McCain’s elevation of Sarah Palin, a person so unserious as to make Dan Quayle look like Henry Kissinger by comparison, to the national stage.

Best Laugh: The night the invented champagne….
Worst Cry: See “Worst Moment of Embarrassment”, above.

Best Picture: Any of the ones on Flickr that don’t have me in them, I guess.
Worst Picture: Any of the ones on Flickr that do have me in them, I guess.

That’s it.

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Ugly guy alert….

UPDATE: Hi, Reddit folk! Feel free to hang around. (But you should know that the quote in the picture over there is not mine. I have never written or thought any such thing. I’m weird, but I’m not Messianic about it.)

Erin hit me with this:

1. Take a picture of yourself.. riiiiiight.. NOW!
2. DO NOT change your clothes. DO NOT fix your hair.. Just take a picture.
3. Post that picture with NO editing.
4. Post these instructions with your picture.
5. Tag 10 people to do this!

Well, I’m not going to tag anyone; go ahead if you’re so inclined. But here’s what I look like with no helpful editing at all:

Well…yeesh. Thank God I was clothed.

(I apologize for the mental image I have just inflicted upon my readers…but no, I don’t make a habit of websurfing in the buff, as it were. But so much for weaning this blog of the overalls….)

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People who quote movies should be boiled in oil.

UPDATED with some correct guesses!

I’ve just seen a movie quote quiz-thing over at Erin’s blog. The idea is simple: you pick 15 movies or so, give a quote from each one (IMDb is good for this), and challenge your readers to identify the movies. As the quotes get identified, I’ll strike through them. I can’t pass this up, now can I? Why, no! So here we go (and just to make it slightly harder, there are no quotes from any Star Wars movie here):

1. We grew up in peacetime!

2. You’re as crazy as your mama! Goes to show it’s in the genes. (JFK, guessed by SamuraiFrog)

3. The only thing that worried me was the actual killing. How does one do that? Hmmm? How does one kill a man? It’s one thing to dream about it; very different when, when you, when you have to do it with your own hands. (Amadeus, guessed by Charlie.

4. Sherif, is there not one thing in your life that is worth losing everything for? (The Wind and the Lion, guessed by SamuraiFrog)

5. I have been known on occasion to howl at the moon.

6. That’s enough, Baron. Turn it off. No one’s impressed with your cheesy light show, okay?

7. If you ever get tired of going steady with somebody that ain’t around, I’m up for grabs. (American Graffiti, guessed by Aaron)

8. We had a nice couple of minutes together. She threatened me, I patronized her. Didn’t have anything to eat, but I thought there was a connection. (The American President, guessed by Charlie)

9. I can’t fight it anymore. I ran away from you once. I can’t do it again. Oh, I don’t know what’s right any longer. You have to think for both of us. For all of us. (Casablanca, guessed by Aaron)

10. “People”? I ain’t “people.” I am a – “a shimmering, glowing star in the cinema firmament.” (Singin’ in the Rain, guessed by Will Duquette)

11. When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome… and then, of course, you spoke. (As Good As It Gets, guessed by Aaron)

12. I’m not gonna spend the rest of my life working my ass off and getting nowhere just because I followed rules that I had nothing to do with setting up, OK?

13. We didn’t choose this place! We didn’t choose these people! They were invited! (Close Encounters of the Third Kind, guessed by SamuraiFrog)

14. Never take it seriously, you never get hurt. Never get hurt, you can always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit all your friends.

15. Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don’t you think? (Serenity, guessed by Aaron)

There they are. What movies are they from?

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Untitled Post

A little while ago, I was tagged by SamuraiFrog with the “Story Meme”, which goes like this: a story is given to you in part, you continue it a bit, and then you pass it on to some other folks. Here’s where we stand so far:

Part the First:

The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn’t prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me.

SamuraiFrog then continues the tale:

I looked around for the box’s owner. Across the aisle from me, a pretty girl flashed me a smile and cocked her head. She was motioning toward the box. Encouraging me. Sliding the box back towards me, I opened it and was immediately confused. Inside was a plastic rain poncho, a police baton, and a Donald Duck mask. I looked around and saw that several people were wearing plastic rain ponchos. I looked back over at the pretty girl. “You’re ready for this, right?” she asked me. “They wouldn’t have sent you if you weren’t ready.”

And now I step up:

I shook my head as I folded the box closed again, and when I looked up at the girl, I chuckled. “They didn’t send me,” I said. “You’re really out of your depth if you think that they send me anywhere. I send them places.” I pushed the box over to her with my foot. “And Donald Duck? Really? I’m a Daffy man. If you knew anything about me, you’d know that.”

The girl’s eyes flashed momentarily, and then she smiled. It was the kind of smile that nice people see when it’s the last thing they see in this world, just before the person smiling that smile pulls the trigger on the gun that’s aimed at their forehead. “You’re not a Daffy man,” she said. “Not even close. You can think you are all you want, but we’re not about what you think you are. We’re about what you really are. And you were so close, really; a one-in-three chance of picking the false prop. No, the mask is real, and you’ll be putting it on soon enough, Boy-O.”

“And the poncho?” I asked.

“If you’re lucky.”

I nodded then, understanding. “So the police baton is the fake, huh.”

“No, that’s real too. That’s why your ‘They don’t send me, I send them’ bit just then was so lame that I almost got off the bus right then and there, which I’d have prefaced by kicking you in your smallish groin. If you knew anything about them, you’d know that they don’t mess with fakes.”

Now I smiled. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

“Sure,” she said. “Whatever. Just shut up and put on the mask. You’re gonna be our getaway driver.”

“OK,” I said as I grabbed the box back, opened it, and took out the Donald Duck mask. Sure, I’ll wear this. She’s right that I’m not a Daffy man after all, but what she doesn’t know is that I hate ducks, all of ’em, every last one. Donald my ass. That’s what I thought. What I said was, “How’s this?”

The girl sighed. “They sure can pick ’em. Here. Do not lose this.” She handed me something from the pocket of her jacket, wrapped in paper. She was acting like it was the Holy Grail or something, and I suppose it was, because when I unwrapped it, what was in my hands was ____.

So, what did she give him> Tell us, Steph, Nettl, Jayme, Tosy and Cosh, Paul, and Simon! You’re all it!

UPDATE: I wrote this and scheduled it to appear today…and then discovered that Roger has tagged me with this same thing, although his version of the tale has gone in a different direction, obviously. Hmmmm!!!

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Between two and three days of my life I’ll never get back

I’ve seen this “Alphabet Movie” meme-thing on a lot of blogs, in which you basically pick one movie for each letter of the alphabet. Here are the rules for this game (as quoted from SamuraiFrog, from when he did the game):

1. Pick one film to represent each letter of the alphabet.

2. The letter “A” and the word “The” do not count as the beginning of a film’s title, unless the film is simply titled A or The, and I don’t know of any films with those titles.

3. Return of the Jedi belongs under “R,” not “S” as in Star Wars Episode IV: Return of the Jedi. This rule applies to all films in the original Star Wars trilogy; all that followed start with “S.” Similarly, Raiders of the Lost Ark belongs under “R,” not “I” as in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. Conversely, all films in the LOTR series belong under “L” and all films in the Chronicles of Narnia series belong under “C,” as that’s what those filmmakers called their films from the start. In other words, movies are stuck with the titles their owners gave them at the time of their theatrical release. Use your better judgement to apply the above rule to any series/films not mentioned.

4. Films that start with a number are filed under the first letter of their number’s word. 12 Monkeys would be filed under “T.”

5. Link back to Blog Cabins in your post so that I can eventually type “alphabet meme” into Google and come up #1, then make a post where I declare that I am the King of Google.

6. If you’re selected, you have to then select 5 more people.

Since I myself wasn’t tagged, I’m ignoring rules 5 and 6. Also, I decided to do this differently after I saw the twist that “Superwife” put on it: she listed one bad movie for each letter of the alphabet! And hey, it’s always fun to rip on movies I don’t like, so here we go.

But again, I’m doing bad movies. (By the way, Badmovies.org was a nice resource for browsing through lists of titles of movies I’d forgotten I’d seen, as a way of jogging the memory. Resurrecting bad memories, that is. Gee, thanks, guys!

A is for Armageddon. It’s a ridiculous film. As SF, it is complete dreck; for this little scientific accuracy in a movie, you might just as well watch a space fantasy like Star Wars and have done with it. But, as I’ve noted before, Armageddon is the lava lamp of movies: I can’t stop watching the thing whenever I find it on the teevee. Hurg. Bad movie. That I watch every time I come across it. (Earlier this football season I actually ended up watching Armageddon instead of a Bills game, and I suspect those who have paid any attention to the Bills this season won’t hold that decision against me.)

B is for Beaches. Treacly garbage that I hated. I saw it in college when they had a screening on campus; everybody told me I’d cry because it was such a tearjerker, but instead, I sat there glowering at the screen because the movie had these two women basically treating each other like crap for two hours. Ugh. (And I could live my whole life without ever hearing “Wind Beneath My Wings” again.)

C is for The Cat from Outer Space. This was one of those live-action Disney movies in the 1970s, the ones that always either starred Dean Jones or Ken Berry. This one had Ken Berry, and I saw it when I was in kindergarten or first grade, and it was complete crap. No need to hash out why; just look at that title.

D is for Dead Poets Society. I’ve said my piece on this movie here. Didn’t like it.

E is for Earthbound. This too came out when I was a kid. An alien family crashlands their ship on Earth and evades the government while taking refuge with a geezer (played by Burl Ives) and his grandson or nephew or something like that. I remember liking it as a kid, but it was probably crap.

F is for Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. The one part of the movie I like is the destruction of the Corvette. Other than that, I find this movie really dull and not terribly funny. This could be due to my generic dislike for Matthew Broderick.

G is for Gymkata. OK, I haven’t seen the entire thing. But I have seen the last half hour, which astonished me in its sheer awfulness. Near as I could tell, some dude with Mad Gymnastics Skillz managed to beat off an entire town’s worth of attackers by using his Mad Gymnastics Skillz, at one point even finding a pommel horse in the middle of the town square. Ummm…sure.

H is for Highlander. I’ve never understood the cult fascination this movie holds for some people. The premise is goofy, and not in the “fun goofy” kind of way either; the acting is dreadful (except for Clancy Brown), with not even Sean Connery avoiding lines like “Are the stars pinpricks in the curtain of night?”; a bunch of guys fighting over a prize that’s never revealed until they whole thing is over so we don’t even know why we should care. Despite the presence of Connery and Clancy Brown, I still manage to dislike this movie.

I is for Independence Day. It’s fun to watch, but there’s just not a single plot point in this movie that makes any sense at all. Most famously there’s Jeff Goldblum disabling the entire alien computer system with a virus he threw together on his 1995 Apple Powerbook, but this movie also has Area 51 having been a secret for fifty years but also being spotted by Will Smith when he flies over it in his fighter jet whilst in combat; it has a Senior Aide to the President of the United States who keeps her cell phone number listed in the local Washington DC phone book “for emergencies” (huh?!); it has the President being a fighter pilot whose Mad Fighter Piloting Skillz are still good enough that he can outfly aliens in space fighters; et cetera.

J is for Jaws IV: The Revenge. Jaws II isn’t that bad a movie, really. III is downright bad. But IV is legendary for its awfulness, including the end where the shark stands on end while a boat runs it through. Ouch.

K is for The Karate Kid Part III. The first Karate Kid movie is fantastic. Seriously, it’s a very, very good movie. The second one isn’t bad either, although it is obviously nowhere near the same league as the original. But the third? Oy. It’s just a disaster. More wisdom from Mr. Miyagi, more troubles for Daniel-san, and another fight at the end where it turns out that Daniel-san’s karate is better than the other guy’s. Why did they make this movie? I have no clue. (And while Ralph Macchio could pull off the sixteen year old kid in the first movie fine, and the seventeen year old kid a little less fine in the second one, here he looks like a thirty-year-old playing a seventeen year old.)

L is for The Lost World: Jurassic Park. What a terrible sequel this is; I can’t believe Steven Spielberg went from Schindler’s List to this. It’s full of one implausible sequence after another, it kills off Richard Schiff, it has a thirteen girl fending off velociraptors by using her Mad Gymnastics Skillz, and so on. The last half hour is better because of the “T-rex on the loose in San Diego” stuff, but this movie is bad.

M is for Mission to Mars. This is one of the worst SF movies I’ve ever seen. It’s boring, it tries to have it both ways with 2001-like hard SF combined with some “Face on Mars” mystical nonsense, and its score (by Ennio Morricone) is downright unpleasant.

N is for Nell. It’s just physically impossible to take this movie seriously. I’m sorry. It’s a neat idea for a story, but as filmed, I always wondered how many takes it took certain scenes to be filmed due to actors breaking out in laughter at the stuff the script had them saying. (I wrote this post a while back and have been sitting on it; since then I learn that it’s one of Belladonna’s favorites. Oh, forgive me! I really wanted to like this one; it’s got a killer cast, for one thing, and it has some great ideas behind it. But about the fourth or fifth time somebody said “Taaayyyinnn innn daa weennnnnddd”, or whatever it was Nell said over and over and over again, I just mentally checked out of the movie.)

O is for Ordinary People. I had to watch this in school, my sophomore year. Other classes were reading Mark Twain, while we were reading Judith Guest and watching this movie, which had the effect, ironically enough, of making me want to do myself in. Luckily, I got better. It took three consecutive viewings of Star Wars the weekend after we finished this one to get it out of my system. (By the way, I know I’ve griped over this before, but one of the great educational travesties of my youth is that my English teacher that year made us read Ordinary People while the other English classes were reading Mark Twain. Heckuva job there, Mrs. Whatever-Your-Name-Was.)

P is for Predator II. I enjoyed the first Predator movie; it was an effective “monster on the loose” kind of movie, good for watching with a couple of friends and some beers on a night in college. Not so the second movie, which was little more than an excuse to use the same monster again. Bad.

Q is for Quest for Camelot. Someday an indisputably good movie will be made from the Arthurian legends. (Excalibur is pretty close, but its pacing is too sluggish and its use of Wagner and Orff in the soundtrack too distracting.) Until then, we’ll have to live with all of the bad movies about Arthur and Camelot that have been made, and there have been a ton of ’em. Here’s one, an animated piece of crud. Not recommended.

R is for Rambo: First Blood Part II. Or any of the Rambo movies, for that matter. (Maybe not First Blood, which I haven’t seen and I’ve heard the best things about.) Rambo was embarrassing macho crap for the macho-men of the 1980s. Jerry Goldsmith wrote some good music for these flicks, but other than that, they’re crap.

S is for Scream. What terrible dreck this movie is. There’s nothing plausible about it, and it’s a terribly confused movie, too: what is it? Spoof? Horror flick whose main notion is that other horror flicks should be taken seriously? It’s just a stupid, stupid movie, filled with dumb characters who behave in ways no ordinary person would behave. And it had two sequels. Yuck.

T is for Thank God It’s Friday. It’s a shame this movie isn’t better known, because it truly deserves the reputation that seems to have accrued around Saturday Night Fever instead. Whereas that film is a dark and cynical film about the lives of young adults who hang out in a disco, TGiF actually is the campy, goofy movie about the lovelorn adults who hang out in a disco. It does have a saving grace in a nice performance by Donna Summer, who sings my beloved “Last Dance” toward the end of the flick. Other than that, though, it’s a bad movie.

U is for The Usual Suspects. Who is Keyser Soze? Who gives a crap? Instead of a gripping movie about the criminals trying to execute a heist bigger than any of them, we get a lame mystery that I found interesting for all of thirty seconds, because that’s how long it took me to figure out who Keyser Soze was. I genuinely can’t understand why so many people think this movie is a classic.

V is for A View to a Kill. I feel a bit unfair here, because I genuinely can’t claim to dislike this movie, even if I grant that Roger Moore was too old by this time to be convincing and that Tonya Roberts was less than good in a part that was also written less than well. But Christopher Walken as a Bond villain? He was terrific! I can’t bring myself to hate this movie. But there’s quite a lot wrong with it, I’ll grant you that.

W is for Waterworld. I actually think this movie wasn’t as bad as its reputation at the time made it out to be, but it’s not that good, either. For one thing, it’s pretty dull most of the way, and you’d think a set that cost something like $100000000 to build would look a bit better than a giant rusting hulk. And while I’m glad there was an SF film that gave a bit of thought to certain survival issues in an environment such as the movie depicts, did the opening scene really have to feature Kevin Costner urinating? Talk about setting an unfortunate tone.

X is for Xanadu. Just because I can’t even think of any bad movies that start with X other than Xanadu. Luckily, Xanadu is truly awful.

Y is for Yes Giorgio. It’s a romantic comedy starring Luciano Pavarotti as a tenor with confidence issues, and the female psychologist who has to help him regain his mojo so he’ll sing at some big concert, or something. It’s wildly bad.

Z is for Zen Monkeys in Love. OK, that’s not a movie that exists, so far as I know. But I drew a complete blank on movies starting with ‘Z’ that I hated, and not even some extensive Googling turned up anything (though Zardoz looks pretty bad, though I’ve not seen it). So, if anyone can jog my memory as to a ‘Z’ movie I’m missing, let me know. I’m sure there are some, out there somewhere. (We watched Zathura a couple of weeks back because The Kid picked it out at the library, but it doesn’t come close to being bad enough to merit inclusion on this list. It’s more of a “Meh” movie.)

Why, oh why, did I watch all these? WHY???!!!

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Christmas Quiz!

This quiz comes from Roger:

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

I always aspire to using wrapping paper, but end up using bags for most gifts.

2. Real tree or artificial?

We used to get a real tree every year, but now we use a fake one. It really is easier, even if every year our tree ends up looking like last year’s tree.

3. When do you put up the tree?

When we say, “Wow, we gotta get the tree up, because Christmas is in X days!” I never get the people who have their trees already up on Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down?

Sometime in mid-January. Like I don’t get the people who have the tree up on Thanksgiving, I also don’t get the impulse to take it all down in December 26. Why the rush?

5. Do you like eggnog?

I tasted some last week that rocked my world, so I’ll probably get some and mix it with rum. It’s an unpleasant sounding name, though. Remember that episode of Star Trek TNG where Ryker is eating a bunch of Klingon dishes, and they all have names like “GAAGGHHH”? That’s what “eggnog” sounds like to me.

6. Favorite gifts received as a child?

Huh. I’m not sure I can pick just one. Every year had its distinct gifts, its bits of magic that made my life great at that time. Sure, interests moved on and last year’s toys would eventually fade, but I can honestly say that everything I received, with no exceptions that I can recall, was great whenever I received it. My parents, sister, and extended family were always really good at the Christmas gift thing.

Now, some toys I got do stand out in my memory. The first thing I saw when coming from my room to the tree in the living room in my kindergarten year was the stuffed Curious George I’d so desperately wanted. The next year there was, among others, a battery-driven dump-truck thing that was really cool; it moved on this little track and would dump its cargo and then turn around, all on its own, and go pick it up. Second grade’s big gift was a starter model railroad set by Marklin (which is, I’m told, one of the finest model railroad manufacturers). Third and fourth grade are kind of fuzzy in my head for some reason, but at one of them I finally got my own record player which meant I no longer had to go to my parents’ room to listen to my own records. (It also had an 8-track deck, huzzah!) And fifth grade was the year the VIC-20 arrived. Various years after that saw cool computer games, treasured books and records, and other wonderful items turn up under the tree. Ninth grade may have been when my parents bought me the kayak (now there’s a pasttime I need to take up again), and a few years later, my E-flat trumpet.

I never had a bad Christmas as a kid.

7. Hardest person to buy for?

The Daughter, if only because I know I can’t always get her all that she wants. It’s the reality, but still, I hate that.

8. Easiest person to buy for?

The Daughter, because she’s never yet complained about that one gift she didn’t get. (That day is probably coming, though. I know I did it once, and then after the dirty look I got from my mother, never again.)

9. Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes. It’s fairly beat-up by this point, and maybe we should look into a new one. We also have a set of glass Christmas ornaments that depict the people of the Nativity: Mary, Joseph, the Magi, and that baby who was there too. (These are pictured here.)

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?

Both, although I tend to be bad at getting the physical ones in the mail, so I end up giving physical ones personally to the people I know who are here.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

Ah, geez…I hate ragging on Christmas presents. It was probably something I got not from a family member, but at the annual Christmas exchange with the other kids at school.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?

This year I resolve to finally watch A Christmas Story, which I’ve never seen. I honestly don’t know how it’s managed to completely slip through my cracks except for the fact that we don’t have cable and thus are never able to partake of whatever channel it is that runs the movie for twenty-four hours straight every year.

That said, I know it’s not everybody’s idea of a “Christmas movie”, but to me it is: Love, Actually, which takes place at Christmas and is shot in such a way that at many points in its running time the movie actually sparkles. I also love to watch My Fair Lady at Christmastime, although that’s not specifically a Christmas movie; I merely associate it with the season because that’s when I first watched it. I also associate The Sound of Music with the season, but that’s probably because it’s an ideal family film and family time’s always a priority this time of year.

(I don’t much like It’s a Wonderful Life, by the way.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

When I start thinking about it, really. I used to begin very early, in September even, but now I tend to be a November and December shopper. I do tend to end up shopping the last few days before Christmas, but that’s not because I’m being the typical lackadaisical male, but rather because the way my paychecks run, I have to spread my shopping out thusly.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Unless donating something I received years ago to Goodwill or the donation bins at church counts, no. Although one year I did give a bottle of liquor I received for Christmas to a guy who helped us move, because he was quite the drinker and because the bottle was something I didn’t really care for. (Kahlua, maybe.)

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Candy cane ice cream, mint flavored anything, Christmas sugar cookies, caramel corn, et cetera. Oh, and those chocolates with liquor in them. Those make the day a lot of fun.

16. Lights on the tree?

I prefer white, but the artificial one we have now has colored lights pre-installed. We always add a strand of white lights, though. Mono-colored trees are always nice for a change, though, especially for smaller, “auxiliary” trees; on these, I like blue lights.

17. Favorite Christmas song?

I’m pretty sure I did a post on Christmas music once, in years past…let’s see, oh yes, here it is, which turns out to be…another version of this very quiz. Harumph…anyway, I do love “Little Drummer Boy”. (And I really don’t like “Carol of the Bells”. It just doesn’t ring my…well, you get it.)

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

We always stay home, although travel someday might be fun.

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?

Sure.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

The severed heads of my foes.

OK, fine, not really. An angel.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

Christmas Eve. We find that Christmas morning is a lot less hectic that way; the entire day becomes more relaxing and festive.

One year, when I was a teenager and my sister was home either from college or grad school, we opened the gifts on Christmas Eve, after she’d had a bit too much to drink, and thus the next morning she pretty much got to open everything again: “Oh, wow, did I get this? From who? Wow!!”

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

All that “War on Christmas” crap I have to listen to. Look, folks, the fact is that the days are long gone when you can simply assume that everybody you’re talking to is a Christian. Maybe you think that stinks, but you really need to get over it.

I also tire of people who can’t seem to find the way to have fun, even with the shopping. Sure, there are lots of people around and it’s crowded and it takes a while to get through the registers at Target. That’s the baseline for this time of year, and you should factor that in as the cost of doing business and move on. I had a good time shopping on Black Friday afternoon this year, but I was really disheartened to hear people yelling at their kids in the middle of the stores after what had obviously been long days on their feet already.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?

No color, actually, but I do love the painted glass ornaments, and I buy new ones every year, to the point where the tree is probably too “busy”.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?

I don’t really have a favorite. Sometimes we have turkey, sometimes we have ham. And one year, when The Wife was sick, I made pastitsio.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?

Books, time to write, music, good food, wine, a new winter coat, more know-how on maintenance jobs, less girth (still holding steady, but watch out, January!), world peace, January 20 to come as quickly as possible, an end to recession, and good will toward men. And pie. Gotta have pie.

26. Who is most likely to respond to this?

Anyone who looks at these quizzes and thinks, “Hey, I gotta post me some of that!”

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Seven Things…again….

Futilely resisting the siren song of another little quiz-thing, here’s a…well, a quiz-thing! Via Belladonna, who’s been on a blogging explosion of late (for her, anyway):

7 things I’ve done before

ONE: Done a “rock drop” in a kayak. This is where you balance your boat on top of a giant boulder at the side of a river, climb in, and then push off so the boat slides forward and drops off the side of the rock to drop, nose first, into the river. Mine was about a ten-foot drop. Scared the living crap out of me.

TWO: Driven a scissor-lift with the lift raised to more than half its height, over uneven pavement.

THREE: Set the backyard on fire at my parents’ house. (In my defense, my father’s done this a lot more. It happens when burning garbage in late spring. Nothing got damaged; we always kept a hose run out there for this purpose.)

FOUR: Stood on the spot where Abraham Zapruder recorded the most famous home video in history. (OK, it was a home movie, since it used film and not videotape. So what!)

FIVE: Accepted the favor of a future convicted felon. This happened when I was invited to see a Bills game at the luxury suite owned at the time by Adelphia Cable’s John Rigas, who would later go to prison for various financial legerdemain.

SIX: Played “Taps” for an American Legion funeral. I was supremely proud to do this.

SEVEN: Written an unproduced screenplay. (Hey, who hasn’t?)

7 things I do now

ONE: Work with power tools. My most recent acquisitions at work include a circular saw, an angle grinder, a finish sander, and two nail guns.

TWO: I blog, again.

THREE: Drink green tea several days a week in place of coffee.

FOUR: I make a lot of great things from scratch, including the following: macaroni and cheese, Chicago-style deep-dish pizza, pastitsio, chocolate chip cookies, chili, beef stew.

FIVE: I still watch too much football. This might be my last season of this, and it’s not just that the Bills aren’t very good. I find myself looking forward more and more to those Sundays in February when I don’t feel like I have to watch football.

SIX: I’m watching more movies than new crap on teevee. This is much more satisfying.

SEVEN: Write unproduced screenplays. (Hey, who isn’t?)

7 things I want to do

ONE: Continue to lose weight. I’ve regressed a wee bit after hitting my best weight in years (which was exactly 40 pounds less than when I started my return to health), putting five pounds back on, but that will go away. Oh yes.

TWO: Get many long-standing writing projects done, and get some that have been bouncing around my head started at last.

THREE: Listen to the entirety of Wagner’s Ring Cycle, in sequential fashion, which I haven’t done in so long that I almost can’t say I’ve done it at all anymore.

FOUR: Make my own pizza more often.

FIVE: Shake the hands of George Lucas, Guy Gavriel Kay, William Shatner, Harrison Ford, Sela Ward, Carrie Fisher, Gillian Anderson, and Barack Obama.

SIX: Re-organize my CD collection. It is out of control, and I don’t even buy music very often anymore.

SEVEN: Write more screenplays. Maybe even see one of ’em get produced. Also see some other stuff of mine appear in print.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

ONE: Hair. Long, and preferably red.

TWO: A great smile.

THREE: A willingness to laugh at my humor, which sometimes I admit isn’t that funny.

FOUR: Beautiful eyes.

FIVE: Knowing who Han Solo, Aragorn, or Captain Kirk are. Bonus if they’re familiar with all three.

SIX: Curiosity about the world.

SEVEN: Empathy.

7 Favorite Foods

Pizza, chicken wings, blueberries, apples, sandwiches on quality bread, ice cream, coconut or chocolate cream pie.

7 things I Say Most Often:

ONE: “We can only hope.”

TWO: “Gwaaah?!”

THREE: How the hell am I supposed to know that?

FOUR: I suppose there’s some hypothetical world where that actually was a good idea.

FIVE: Huh. Well, there’s something you don’t see every day.

SIX: Yeah, I could eat.

SEVEN: Shut up!

No tagging on this one. Grab and go, folks. Exeunt.

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