Wednesday Wickedness

Somewhat along the lines of Sunday Stealing, Wednesday Wickedness offers quiz-things, but with a twist: the W.W. quiz questions are inspired by quotes from famed personages. I haven’t done one yet, but I’m going to start now, with Groucho Marx:

1. ‘A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
What is a superstition that many have that you think is crazy?

Just about all superstitions are crazy, aren’t they? I can’t think of one that isn’t. I myself am not very superstitious, except for always saying “Bless you!” when people sneeze.

I suppose I could get political and say that the notion that cutting taxes will raise revenue strikes me as a deeply crazy superstition, or I could call Creationism or climate change denialism “superstitions”, but those seem more errors than superstitions to me.

2. “A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”
What were you in the hospital for the last time that you were admitted?

I have, to date, never been admitted to a hospital. I’m sure that lucky streak is bound to end someday, but for now, everything I’ve ever done has been in a doctor office visit.

3. “Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.”
What payment do you make that seems ridiculous?

None of my current payments seem ridiculous to me.

4. “Humor is reason gone mad.”
How would you describe your sense of humor?

I guess I’m all over the map, huh? I’m a guy who loves intricate wordplay, complex puns, the types of zany comedic situations that fill the Monty Python movies; I love geeky humor like what you’ll find in The Big Bang Theory, and I got a huge kick out of the raunchy humor of The Hangover. I like oddball, off-kilter humor like O Brother, Where Art Thou?, observational oddity humor like Seinfeld, meta-weirdness like The Far Side and Pearls Before Swine.

Oddly, slapstick humor doesn’t tend to do a whole lot for me, aside from pies in the face (which are more of a participatory thing for me anyway), unless it’s worked into one of the above categories for more comic effect. I don’t care for the Three Stooges, for instance, but there were some inspired slapsticky things that happened on Frasier.

5. “I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.”
Who was the last person that you wanted to beat with something or other?

I don’t really ever genuinely want to beat anyone with anything. But I do use the beating metaphor on occasion. One of my coworkers and I like to joke about how we’re going to snap one day and run around The Store, beating people on the head with stale French baguettes. Another friend and I like to quote James Earl Jones from Field of Dreams: “I’m gonna beat you with a crowbar, until you go away!”

6. “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Would you ever like to change something about your face?

Aside from having The Wife hit it with a pie once in a while, I’m generally fine with my face. It’s got me this far in life. (Maybe a slightly bigger chin…but nothing else!)

7. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
I read an article recently that asked if marriage was still relevant. Other than to raise children do you see the point?

I don’t know about this. I’m not sure that the government should be involved in marriage at all, anymore. But as long as it is, then I think it’s relevant — as a legal matter, marriage is, I suppose, society’s recognition of the commitment of two people to one another. And I do think that to some extent, marriage still implies and helps to create a stability of a relationship. But this may change. I’m not sure how much longer people will be getting “married” in the traditional sense.

8. “If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.”
Do you find that you tend to repeat your stories?

Yes, I do, and sometimes it gets annoying when (a) I realize I’m doing it, and (b) other people point out that I’m doing it.

9. “There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, “Yes,” you know he is a crook.”
Do you find most people that are in your life to be honest?

I find that most people believe that they are honest. Whether or not they actually are can be open to some interpretation. I don’t think that anyone is 100 percent honest, but I don’t think that there are all that many people for whom lying is as easy as drawing breath.

10. “Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough.”
Have you ever felt that your significant other did not go out with enough?

Occasionally, yes. But I know she has thought that about me at times, too. We both seem to easily fall into ruts of familiarity and then not realize we’re in the ruts for a bit longer than it should be healthy.