Candy. Sweet, sweet candy.

A few days ago, John Scalzi mentioned his preferred brand of red licorice, a brand called “Red Vines”. He also mentions his apparently strongly-held belief that Twizzlers are substantially inferior. Now, he’s mentioned Red Vines before, but I’ve never been able to judge them for myself, since I can never find them here…until now. It seems that Target stocks them (alongside the Twizzlers, of course).

Now, I refuse to accept the notion that Twizzlers suck. I actually enjoy their waxy texture — mmmmmm, wax — and I like the flavor just fine. That said, I must admit that Red Vines are also very pleasing. The individual pieces are larger than Twizzlers, with the spiral pattern on the outside more sharply defined and with the Red Vines’ surface visibly rougher than the smooth Twizzlers. Thus, the “mouth feel” of the Red Vines is very nice, and the flavor is likewise different from that of Twizzlers. (I have no idea what specific flavor the Red Vines are supposed to approximate, but I don’t think it matters anyway, since no cherry or strawberry or any other red fruit occurring in nature tastes like a Red Vine.)

Where Red Vines actually do stomp all over Twizzlers is in the thickness of the pieces. Twizzlers are skinnier, with the hole on the inside being substantially narrower than in the Red Vines. In fact, I’ve noticed in recent years that Twizzlers seem to be packed together so tightly in their packages these days that the longitudinal cavity within each individual Twizzler is virtually sealed shut. With Red Vines, however, you can bite off either end and then look through the resulting licorice tube and see out the other end. And why does this matter?

Because this means that Red Vines can be employed as a straw for drinking Pepsi.

(A while back, I was at Vidler’s in East Aurora and found some spearmint flavored licorice. I liked it. Everyone else in the family hated it. Oh well.)

Share This Post