If you have a problem and no one else can help….

I just saw, over at MeFi, within a thread devoted to the new The A-Team movie, a checklist of things you should expect in an A-Team story. Here’s the checklist:

A-Team checklist:

[_] Villagers menaced by goons
[_] Break Murdoch out of mental hospital
[_] I ain’t getting on no plane
[_] Milk
[_] Shooting at feet with Ruger Mini 14
[_] Goons lock A-Team in shed full of parts for a tank that fires cabbages
[_] That shot of the van doing a jump where the hubcap falls off
[_] I love it when a plan comes together

Of course, this list isn’t complete. Here’s the complete list:

A-Team checklist:

(Items added by me in italics)

[_] Villagers menaced by goons
[_] One villager goes to look for the A-Team. Makes contact via a really odd-looking person in downtown LA that turns out to be Hannibal in disguise.
[_] “Looks like someone needs to teach (insert name of head goon here) a lesson. Sir/Ma’am, you’ve just hired the A-Team!”

[_] Break Murdoch out of mental hospital
[_] I ain’t getting on no plane
[_] Murdock’s obsession of the week — maybe the sweat sock he is referring to as his pet rabbit
[_] I ain’t goin’ nowhere with this crazy fool

[_] Milk
[_] A-Team makes first visit to goons, kicks some arse. Except for Face, who always gets his arse kicked in the first act. A-Team’s arse-kicking involves lots of firing of automatic weapons into air, with nothing getting hit except cars.
[_] Some filler stuff as A-Team gets to know the people they’re helping a bit
[_] “Hannibal’s on the jazz.”
[_] OPTIONAL: Military police get a lead on the whereabouts of the A-Team
[_] Another encounter with the goons
[_] Goons figure out a way to get the upper hand

[_] Shooting at feet with Ruger Mini 14
[_] Goons lock A-Team in shed full of parts for a tank that fires cabbages or OPTIONAL: Just as goons make their big move against villagers, Military Police capture them and lock them someplace. Somehow the MPs never account for the fact that Murdock isn’t with Hannibal, Face and BA, allowing him to mount a rescue.
[_] Final fight or OPTIONAL escape from MPs
[_] That shot of the van doing a jump where the hubcap falls off
[_] I love it when a plan comes together
[_] Final freeze-frame of somebody grinning

There you have it. All the elements you need for an A-Team story. Just fill in some names and there you go!

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3 Responses to If you have a problem and no one else can help….

  1. Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness says:

    I knew that before the new movie came out that SOMEONE would bring up the A-Team and I would have to comment.

    Personally I have great memories of watching this silly show with my father back in the day. I would bitch about all the stupid parts and he would give me back arguements that reflected the fact that I knew NOTHING. Of course you could surive your jeep flipping like that every episode.

    Hannibal was the WORST disquise artist ever. I always knew it was him before they ever started the scene. It was the same feeling I get when someone goes as a GHOST for Halloween with a sheet with two eye holes. Can I at least get some EFFORT?

    Then there is the time that the nursing home was threatened and the old folks worked with BA to cook them up a batch of exploding muffins – just like my Baba used to make on the front lines during WWI.

    Or they get captured and locked away as tight as the military police can get them – only for some reason they don't confiscate the ENTIRE TOOL KIT hanging around BA's neck which allows them to make a device that cracks the bars open allowing them to escape. They of course make enough noise to wake the dead but no one hears them.

    and the CLASSIC – Murdock is trapped in a psychiatric hospital so they smuggle in the makings – with Hannibal wearing the WORSE Sigmund Freud costume ever – and soon Murdock is free by a hot air balloon attached to his chair.

    God damn I loved that show.

  2. Call me Paul says:

    I think you've forgotten the obligatory car running over the ramp with only one set of wheels, and doing that barrel roll thing. That had to happen in every episode.

  3. fillyjonk says:

    I can't decide whether I'm thrilled that they made a movie of it: thus keeping the wonderful ridiculousness alive for another generation, or if I'm horrified, because I'm sure it's going to depart in some way (fart jokes, maybe) from the original series.

    I have happy memories of the show, though I couldn't actually tell you a single plot in detail.

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