Pie Society

My friend Lynda, a constant source of wisdom and amusement, has resurrected her once long-standing tradition of celebrating her birthday with a pie in the face (which is a fine tradition indeed, even if it’s not technically a ‘tradition’ for me yet). A teacher by trade, she offered her students an incentive: the highest-scoring student on a recent exam got to do the deed. Although she apparently didn’t factor in the possibility of a tie, so she ended up on the receiving end of two pies. Lucky her!

As she says:

Between landing my new job and making some excellent connections with people I care about, it just felt like everything in my life is swimming with blessings right now. I was so grateful and giddy with how things unfolded, what can I say…it just made me want to do another pie. Only this time I did it with a twist.

…

Life is sweet – and if you don’t believe me – honestly, there’s nothing to kick start your sense of humor like a nice gooey pie in the face.

I couldn’t agree more! Lynda and I have a long-standing agreement that if and when we ever actually meet in “real” space (as opposed to “cyber” space), we’ll mark the occasion with a hearty exchange of pies. What a blast!

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NOOOOOO!!!

With the Blu-ray release of the Star Wars movies, there was a lot of consternation regarding the small change at the end of Return of the Jedi, so that when Darth Vader finally decides to intercede on his son’s behalf, thus killing the Emperor and turning back from the Dark Side of the Force, he now screams, “NOOOOO!” George Lucas has taken the usual amount of heat for this, but (a) the scene works OK with the scream, and (b) the scene is in good Star Wars tradition anyway.

What do I mean by this? Well, everybody knows that “I have a bad feeling about this” or various permutations thereof is a line heard in every Star Wars film. But you know what? So is “NOOOOO!”. Here’s a list of every Star Wars character who says or shouts “No!”, and when.

The Phantom Menace:

Obi Wan Kenobi, when Qui Gon Jinn is struck down

Attack of the Clones:

Qui Gon Jinn, in spectral form, when Anakin slaughters the Sandpeople
Padme, when her decoy dies in the opening scene (said)

Revenge of the Sith:

Darth Vader, when he learns that Padme is dead
Palpatine, in defiance of Mace Windu (said and repeated)

A New Hope:

Luke Skywalker, when Obi Wan is struck down by Darth Vader
Princess Leia, as the Death Star prepares to destroy Alderaan (said)
C-3PO: when he hears that Luke and company are about to be squashed by the trash compactor

The Empire Strikes Back:

Luke Skywalker, when he learns that Darth Vader is his father
Luke Skywalker, earlier, in defiance to Vader (growled)
Han Solo, even earlier, when Chewbacca is putting wires in the wrong places on the Falcon. (said, but with Harrison Ford-ish emphasis)
Chewbacca, as Han is about to be put into carbon freeze (Well, OK, it’s not like we get subtitles, but what else would he be howling?)
C-3PO: when hyperventilating during the asteroid field chase

Return of the Jedi:

Luke Skywalker, when Darth Vader insinuates that maybe Leia will turn to the Dark Side
Darth Vader, when he realizes that Palpatine is really something of a douche.

How many am I missing, Star Warriors?

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Sentential Links #264

Linkage begins…now.

:: I wish the makers of air fresheners would be more specific about what their products smell like instead of having cutesy names like “Sunny Meadow” and “Early Morning Breeze”. (But how else does one describe these things, other than “Nice-smelling collection of chemicals #5”? I point out in comments over there how a lot of men’s deodorants describe their scents in terms that aren’t aromatically evocative at all, like “Fresh Sport” and “Victory”.)

:: I feel like I’ve lost the connection to some of the deepest parts of my identity: whatever talents I have as a writer, my literary and cinematic interests, my curiosity, hell, my sense of enjoyment. Not being able to do the things I enjoy and by which I’ve always defined myself is generating tremendous anxiety for me. (Ye Gods, I wish I had something wise to say to Jason about this kind of thing….)

:: Seriously, it’s nice that there can suddenly be complete Looney Tunes cartoon physics in a comic defined by someone’s lingering death from cancer. (Ahhhh, ripping on Funky Winkerbean — one of my favorite of all pastimes!)

:: DC is like Lucy and we’re like Charlie Brown. DC keeps yanking the football away and we keep yelling Aaugh! and landing hard. They’re very sure we’ll keep coming back and try to kick the ball again. And, knowing some of the perps fairly well, I can assure you they’re pretty smug about it.

So far, they’re right. (For some reason, I like reading reactions to DC Comics’s reboot, despite the fact that I just don’t read the comics at all. Weird.)

:: If you watched TV in the 1970s and 80s, you know it was wall to wall babes. Sure, the ladies had their Tom Selleck and David Soul; but, the guys had eye candy from the minute you powered that boob tube on. There were simply tons of actresses finding work in bit parts on sitcoms and one-time roles on The Love Boat, Fantasy Island or Love, American Style. Some got recurring parts, but mostly, you blinked and you missed them.

:: Look at it this way: Should the government tell the overalls factory to pay its employees a decent wage and to avoid using toxic chemicals in its fabric? Absolutely. Should the government tell people that they’d better wear shirts under their overalls and cinch up those straps tight? Of course not! (This blog mixes semi-serious political writing with photos of women clad in overalls, and nothing else. I swear I am not making this up. Believe me, this one is NSFW!)

:: When you come right down to it, Scooby Doo wouldn’t have been a bad replacement for Fox Mulder given his credentials in solving mysteries and dealing with monsters.

:: If we can break the launch-price bottleneck, this century can be the time when humankind spreads across the inner solar system out to the asteroid belt. Twentieth Century science-fiction dreamed of the power of such a civilization, and those dreams may still be the truest prophecy of our time: At the end of the Twenty-First Century, with asteroid-based industries supporting GDPs a million times what we have now, interstellar flight will be a doable adventure!

The stars are not too far. (So writes Vernor Vinge, highly-regarded SF writer, whose sequel to his twenty-year-old novel A Fire Upon the Deep — which I plan to re-read soon — is imminent. I don’t know if he’s right or not, but it’s so nice to find an SF writer who is willing to be optimistic, and who is not willing to give up on humanity going to the stars. Lots of other authors may write fun space operas with FTL travel and star-spanning cultures, but in interviews, they all seem to say, “Yeah, we’re never leaving the Solar System, that’s it.” Vinge clearly believes otherwise, and thank God for that.)

More next week!

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Bills 31, Eagles 24

Wow, the Eagles appear to be a slowly-evolving train wreck. After this loss, they’re 1-4, which is rather shocking considering the free-agent money they slathered around during the offseason. It appeared at the time that they were looking to buy themselves a Super Bowl championship; now they’re in a desperate spot where they almost need to win out to have a shot at the playoffs. Wow. What a disaster.

And thing is, they don’t look bad. The Eagles — whom I’ve always rather liked, despite the presence of Michael Vick, who has a long way to go before I remotely consider forgiveness for his dog-fight ring — make a lot of big plays, and they do a lot of great things on the field. Problem is, they tend to make ridiculously huge mistakes. It’s really something to behold. I’ve never seen a team so bound-and-determined to shoot itself in the foot as this one.

The best example came at the very end of the game, when the Bills were clinging to a seven point lead. They faced fourth-and-one just past midfield, and they lined up as if they were going to go for it. This, however, was an old ploy, which I’ve never seen work. The offense lines up and everyone stays as still as a frozen rock as the quarterback goes through a hard snap count. The hope is that somebody on the defensive line will be stupid and jump before a snap of the ball happens, thus committing an off-sides penalty and giving the offensive team a free first down. This was what the Bills were doing. The color commentator on teevee actually said that’s what the Bills were doing. It was so obvious. Everybody watching the game, either in person or on teevee, knew that this was what the Bills were doing. I’ve seen this tactic many, many times in my years of watching football, and I’ve never once seen it work.

Until today. One of the Eagles jumped, refs threw the flag, Bills got a first down, and they ran out the clock. Game over. Wow. The replays showed Philly coach Andy Reid’s head nearly exploding when he saw his guy jump. But ultimately, it’s his fault, isn’t it? The Eagles are very talented…but they appear to have almost no discipline. And it’s killing them.

(BTW, everyone on teevee was harping on Vick’s four interceptions. That’s bad, but as I saw it, two of those weren’t even his fault — they were balls his receiver was able to get hands on, but the ball ended up being bobbled about and deflected into the hands of Bills defenders. I don’t have any idea how to change this, but it’s always struck me as mildly unfair that those kinds of picks get charged against the quarterback’s stats. I know how the NFL officially scores it, but as far as I’m concerned, Vick had two picks, not four. And two of his receivers had “Contact-ball Interceptions”. Or whatever you want to call it.)

As for the Bills, they are 4-1, huzzah! They’re shaping up as a team that needs to score lots of points, though, because the defense can’t stop anybody. Maybe that will change a bit. I hope so, anyway — but at least for today, there were a lot of big plays made by young members of the Bills’ D, so maybe those guys grow and become more consistent at making plays. Alex Carrington, Kelvin Sheppard, and Reggie Corner all made big plays today — or they made something happen that allowed George Wilson to make one of his several big plays. Quite a game, although I would like to see the defense overall become better at forcing punts.

Oh, and I’m sure he won’t stay in the doghouse for too long, but linebacker Danny Batten made the most blatant leading-with-the-helmet hit on Michael Vick that I’ve ever seen. That one was so cut-and-dried that nobody with a pulse could possibly deny it. If not for the Eagles’ defensive lineman who jumped later on and cemented the victory for the Bills, Batten’s hit would have been the dumbest penalty of the day. It may well be the single stupidest penalty I’ve ever seen any Bills player commit, ever. And I remember Andre Reed’s throwing of his helmet in Super Bowl XXVI.

What else to say? Hmmmm…Fred Jackson continues to run like a man possessed, a fact which the Bills would have done well to remember on one drive early in the fourth quarter, when their lead had fallen to ten points and they really needed to move the chains or, failing that, at least grind a bit of clock. Instead they threw three incompletions, going three-and-out and running insignificant time off. Ugh! And one of my Facebook friends pointed out that the Bills often seem to end halves of games with at least one timeout left. That speaks to much better discipline under Chan Gailey than the Bills had under their previous coaching regimes.

Next week, the Bills are on the road to play the Giants. Then they have their bye week. Go Bills!

A couple other random football notes:

::  I thought that the Jets were guaranteed to be awesome? Because they aren’t.

::  I hate having to do this, but I now must root for the Dolphins. I do not want them ending up with the top pick in the NFL Draft. I’ve had to put up with being in the same division as Tom Brady for ten-plus years; just as his career is starting to enter its twilight, I do not want to have to start putting up with Andrew Luck for a similar period. So come on, Chiefs, Colts, or Vikings! Win the Draw of the Luck!

::  But how sick would it be if the Colts get him, and go from the Peyton Manning era to the Andrew Luck era? Aieee!!!

OK, that’s about it. What a fun football season thus far!

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Sunday Burst of Weird and Awesome!

Oddities and Awesome abound!

::  I’m not a fan of the movie, but Alien is definitely a triumph of production design. The main model of the ship, Nostromo, ended up sitting outside, covered with tarps, for twenty years until someone bought and it started restoration work. Check it out!

::  Wait, what?

(Seen on Tumblr.)

::  An Australian golf course has sharks living in the water traps. Big whoop…call me back when the sharks have LASERS on their heads! (via)

More next week!

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How it works

These are good, upstanding, patriotic American citizens who are standing against what they see as decades of freedom-crushing excess, who are only fueled by their patriotic fervor and their keen knowledge of history and policy, whose every gathering — no matter how sparsely attended — warrants huge and fawning and reverent news coverage, whose formation is the most important development in American politics since the Revolution itself (no matter how much their basic arguments sound like Republican-as-usual-but-this-time-with-a-tricorn-hat), and whose motives cannot be questioned or mocked in any way.

These, on the other hand, are dirty, smelly, anti-American hippies who don’t know shit about anything and who really ought to just shut up and go get a job and work hard because, as we all know, one’s standing in life is always and invariably a reflection of how hard one works, and who really gives a crap if thousands of them gather to protest anything at all, am I right?!

Thanks for setting this straight, news media of America! I look forward to continued extensive coverage of the trial of Michael Jackson’s doctor and whether or not the latest Republican Desperate Flavor of the Month is going to run for President or not and whatever it is that Sarah Palin had to say on this particular day.

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Saturday Centus (the on-time edition!)

After not getting last week’s Centus done until last night, I’m actually on time this week for the Centus, huzzah! Jenny Matlock is none too enthusiastic about her prompt this week, but let’s see what we can do here….

Marla pulled into Tom’s driveway. Sure
enough, the lights were all on, and she could hear the guys cheering
and shouting already. They’d just got back from their five-day
hunting trip, and now they were watching the Cowboys game they’d
DVR’d. “Friday Night Football“, they called it. It usually
came before “Saturday Night Nookie With Another Woman”,
which was why Marla had cleared out her stuff the day before, and
which was why she clicked ‘send’ on the text message to Tom and each
of his buddies: “Giants 38, Cowboys 9”. She drove away when
she heard the shouts of consternation.

Heh, that’ll teach him!

(BTW, Centusians, if anyone was wondering where I was for last week’s Centus, this post explains. Some of you may find it mildly amusing!)

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Saturday Centus (Friday Edition)

I’m nearly a week late with this, whoops! It’s a standard prompt this time, but it took me a while to come up with an idea. For some reason, this prompt stumped me. Here’s what I came up with:

“Gotta…get…into…that…alley,” Agent 919 said to herself. “No…footsteps…behind…me…yet….” That alley led to a maze of back streets where she’d be able to lose her pursuers. She’d use the usual pay phone to call her safe house. They’d bring her in, she’d hand over the microfilm, and they’d sew up the gunshot wound in her stomach. Another mission in the books.

She got to the alley, and then to the pay phone. She dropped in her coin, waited for the dial tone, dialed. Still no footsteps behind her.

“The number you have reached is no longer in service….”

And now there were footsteps. Agent 919 drew her gun….

I wonder what happens next! I used to really love spy fiction back in the day, and I keep wanting to revisit some of the books I enjoyed back then. I always got a kick out of Robert Ludlum’s plots that gave new meaning to the word “labyrinthine”.

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The official site of Kelly Sedinger: Reader, writer, photographer, and dreamer

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