Tag’d

Ah, I see that Erin has tagged me with the vicious Seven Things Meme, wherein bloggers are supposed to provide seven facts about themselves. For a long-lived blogger like myself, this meme gets harder every time it comes around, since I run through a roster of facts in my head and rule them all out on the basis that I’m really, really sure that I’ve already posted them before in a previous iteration of Seven Things. So, here we go:

1. My idea of an ideal vacation these days consists not of journeying to some far-flung and exotic locale, but simply packing some clothes, getting in the car, and driving somewhere, with only these rules: No driving on Interstates or expressways of any kind, and No eating at chain establishments (except for local chains that you’ll only find in a single city, like Ted’s in Buffalo). The Wife and I recently took such a journey, and it was as magical a weekend as I can remember. The best way to find good food? Drive into a town and eat at the place whose parking lot is full. Especially if the windows all have neon beer signs and the place’s name includes the word “Inn”.

2. I’m not sure what my objection is, but I can’t stand Dancing with the Stars. I literally hate that show. I was on the fence about it for a while, but then I decided that I really can’t abide the show in any form. I suspect that this is because the show tried to convince me that Mario Lopez is sexy.

3. Despite living in the Buffalo area for seven years now (minus winter of 2002-2003, when we lived in Syracuse), I’ve never eaten at Louie’s, and I hadn’t eaten at Mighty Taco until just two years ago. Why? I dunno.

4. The Wife’s first gift to me, back when she was The Girlfriend, was, if memory serves, a teddy bear with a lavender ribbon around his neck. I think she doused him with perfume. He’s still around the apartment somewhere, although the ribbon may be gone; The Daughter probably has him in her stash of animals. I named him Bertrand, after Bertrand Russell. (I was a Philosophy major; what do you expect?) We ended up with a number of stuffed animals together, and we named a lot of them, although I only remember two: Bertrand the bear, and Barry the stuffed bison that we bought at the gift shop near Old Faithful at Yellowstone National Park. (Barry for Barry Bonds; this was 1992, when he was leading the Pirates to their third straight NL East title and well before any hint of steroid use.)

5. My first gift to The Wife was a little Laughing Buddha figurine that I bought at the gift shop at the mall in Olean, NY. That gift shop isn’t there anymore. (In Olean, most things aren’t there anymore.)

It wasn’t quite what she expected for a first gift from a still-new boyfriend. I bought it for her while at home for spring break; we’d been dating for little more than a month, and I got a bit of a freakout when I tried to call her at the house where she was staying (in our Iowa college town; I was at home in WNY), and was informed by her landlord that there had been a death in her family. I worried a bit before I remembered that she had told me that her grandfather had been quite ill, and that’s who it ended up being. The upshot was that I returned to college from spring break and immediately met my future in-laws. That was just slightly less nerve-wracking than some of the musical auditions I’d done in my life to that point.

6. In high school, I went on exactly one date. It was an OK date, I suppose; some girl (wow, I don’t remember her name!) I met while playing in the All-County Band and I went to see some movie with Nick Nolte in it and then we went for ice cream at Friendly’s. Not a disaster, but I clearly didn’t make much of an impression, since the next couple of times I tried calling her for a follow-up date she said she was busy each time. How naïve was I? It took me that long to recognize that for a brush-off. Whoops!

7. And there was the girl that I didn’t ask out. She was a very sweet person, quite short with lovely red hair and a terrific smile. I had a monster crush on her, and yet I never asked her out, although I did give her a rose at Valentine’s Day. Yes, you read that right. I gave her a rose. On Valentine’s Day. Didn’t ask her out. Yeah, I’ve kicked myself ever since for that one – not out of any dissatisfaction with how things eventually turned out for me, love-wise, mind you! Just out of a “Wow, you were a putz back then!” older-me-wanting-to-kick-younger-me’s-ass kind of thing.

A story about that girl (whose name I do remember, although I’m not going to post it here): I once got her in trouble in Trig class, and I felt a bit bad about it afterward, although she thought it funny and laughed it off. She sat in the seat ahead of mine, and we’d gab a bit in the off-moments in class and discuss our mutual disdain for the Trig teacher (whom I loathed, because while this particular teacher was wildly popular amongst the kids, she got that way by choosing one or two kids per class who’d be the brunt of her every joke, and guess who got to be one of her designated class clowns that year). But anyway, on the day in question, I actually fell asleep in Trig class. (Nothing against the teacher on that score, really; I can count on one hand the number of times I fell asleep in a class in high school. Now, in college, I slept through a lot of classes, but not in high school.)

So anyway, I slept through about fifteen minutes of class, and then I came to, just in time to be called on by the teacher. I, of course, had absolutely no clue what the hell the question was, to say nothing of the actual answer. I glanced from the teacher to my friend, the lovely red-head, who was grinning ear to ear as she beheld my expression of total horror. I just kind of gaped like an idiot, not saying anything, until the teacher moved on to asking someone else the question, at which point I tried to hide behind my book as my friend the lovely red-head began giggling. And she continued to giggle, and giggle, and giggle, until finally the teacher took note of her giggling and chewed her out.

That may be the angriest I’ve ever been toward one of my teachers.

Anyway, that particular class session couldn’t end fast enough, and I was pretty well mortified and planned to get upbraided pretty harshly by the lovely red-head for getting her in trouble; but to my pleasant surprise, as soon as she came into the hall she dissolved into the laughter that she had to get out of her system. She wasn’t mad at me at all.

I’ve always wondered whatever became of her. And I’ve always wondered if she ever thought along the lines of, “Geez, why doesn’t that doof ask me out? He gave me a rose, for Pete’s sake!”

So there we are, and now I must tag people. Yeesh. I choose…my, I don’t know. I’ll tag Steph and Nettl — but each has to post seven things about the other! Heh! (Other than that, go ahead and tag yourselves, folks.)

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A Halloween Quiz Thing!

Hooray! A Halloween quiz-thing! This one comes courtesy SamuraiFrog and Messrs. Tosy and Cosh.

1. What is your favorite work of horror fiction?

As is my typical form, I can’t name a single one. In terms of novels, Steven King’s ‘Salem’s Lot was truly unnerving. I also admire Robert Cormier’s Fade, a young-adult novel about a not-so-nice kid who develops the power of invisibility. John Bellairs’s Gothic novels for young readers have more than a few unsettling moments; the scariest ones are The Letter, the Witch, and the Ring and The Curse of the Blue Figurine. (By the way, Hollywood, if you’re looking for a good author to mine for movies, Bellairs is just sitting there, waiting.)

I’ve read a lot of horror short fiction as well, and the one story that has stuck in my head for years is Graham Masterton’s “The Secret Shih-Tan”. It’s not supernatural, but it’s damned creepy.

2. Who is your favorite monster?

Monsters, eh? Well, let’s see — I’ll go with the Flukeman from that episode of The X-Files.

3. What horror movie gives you the most chills?

The Exorcist.

4. Freddy versus Jason?

Freddy. He’s an actual character, not an unstoppable doofus in a mask.

5. Ghosts or goblins?

Well, that depends, doesn’t it? You can do great things with either, although ghosts tend to be more creepy in an unsettling way than pure goblins. Goblins you know are made-up beasties, but ghosts have that human quality.

6. What is your scariest encounter with the paranormal?

I don’t believe I’ve ever had an encounter with the paranormal, so probably typical stuff like bumps in the night after I’ve watched a scary movie or teevee show.

7. Do you believe in ghosts?

No, but I’d like to live in a world where they were real.

8. Favorite Halloween costume?

My mother made me an awesome Captain Marvel costume when I was a kid. That thing ruled.

9. If you had an unlimited budget, what would your fantasy costume be for this Halloween?

I’d love to be one of the Riders of Rohan.

10. When was the last time you went trick or treating?

For myself? First grade, I think. After that I preferred to stay in and hand out the candy. We take The Daughter out each year, obviously.

11. What’s your favorite Halloween candy?

I’m the only one in the household who likes candy corn. I buy myself a bag every year and grin as The Wife and The Daughter whine about how gross the stuff is.

12. Tell us about a scary nightmare you had.

I genuinely don’t remember any scary nightmares, although I do recall going to my grandmother’s house in Pittsburgh on overnight stays and being terrified when this awful sound rose up from the basement. Turned out it was the automatic garage door opener; my uncle was a mailman and left for work really early each day.

13. What is your supernatural fear?

I don’t have any.

14. What is your creepy-crawlie fear?

I’m not a big fan of insects. Spiders don’t bother me, so long as they don’t try to board me as a passenger. Large bugs, though, trigger my often-overpowering Squish ’em! instinct.

15. Would you ever stay in a real haunted house overnight?

You mean, a house reputed to be haunted? Sure. I don’t believe in the supernatural, as far as houses go.

16. Are you a traditionalist (just a face) Jack O’Lantern carver, or do you get really creative with your pumpkins?

Oh, who the hell knows. Every year we buy a gorgeous, wonderful pumpkin that would make an outstanding Jack O’Lantern, and every year we forget to carve the damned thing until November 1. And sure enough, we did the same thing this year. Pity, because I love the toasted seeds.

17. How much do you decorate your home for Halloween?

We have an apartment, so not much at all. We should. I love that there are Halloween lights these days.

18. Do you think Halloween is too commercial these days?

No, but it bugs me that on Halloween you can’t buy Halloween candy anymore because stores have the Christmas stuff up already. Come on, folks.

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Don’t go in the water….

PZ Myers has tagged me with a quiz-thing where I’m supposed to list the ocean or seafaring movies that I’ve found scariest. This is, I suppose, because of Halloween coming up and Dr. Myers’s general fetish for many-tentacled sea beasties. Anyway, to indulge him:

:: Pinocchio. There’s some really spooky stuff in this movie, to be honest, and the whole Monstro the Whale sequence is pretty intense. The scariest part of the movie has nothing really to do with the ocean, of course — that would be the Pleasure Island sequence, and especially Lampwick’s creepy fate — but there’s a lot of material in this movie to put the lie to the notion of Disney being all-cuteness, all the time.

[Yes, I screwed up and typed Peter Pan originally. Sue me, you lubbers!]

:: Jaws II. This is a better movie than many tend to think nowadays, even if it really is nowhere near as good as its classic preceding film. But it does amp up the horror a bit. The original movie just posits a great white shark finding a spot where there’s some particularly nice and tender feeding; Jaws II has another shark that seems to be actually hunting all these teenagers on their boats. Some of their demises are particularly grisly, especially one poor girl who gets chomped whole as a young boy sits on the hull of the capsized boat looking on, about five feet away. And later on, the shark manages to take out a helicopter.

:: Deep Blue Sea. This is actually a pretty silly movie. OK, it’s an extremely silly movie. There’s not a moment in it that is in the least bit plausible. The special effects are pretty laughable. So why do I list it? Because it’s one of the few movies of the “lock some characters in an enclosed space with a ravenous beastie” type that actually plays by the rule of “Anyone in this movie can die.”

:: The X-Files: “Piper Maru” and “Apocrypha”. These are two memorable mytharc episodes from Season Three that deal with black oil being found at the bottom of the sea.

Anyone who wants to list some movies, go right ahead. Keep ’em ocean-themed, though!

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The Pharyngula mutating genre meme

PZ Myers has created a new blog-meme thing, and he’s tagged me as part of his initial attempt to turn Blogistan into his own personal petri dish. How appalling!!!

Oh well, here are the rules:

There are a set of questions below that are all of the form, “The best [subgenre] [medium] in [genre] is…”. Copy the questions, and before answering them, you may modify them in a limited way, carrying out no more than two of these operations:

* You can leave them exactly as is.

* You can delete any one question.

* You can mutate either the genre, medium, or subgenre of any one question. For instance, you could change “The best time travel novel in SF/Fantasy is…” to “The best time travel novel in Westerns is…”, or “The best time travel movie in SF/Fantasy is…”, or “The best romance novel in SF/Fantasy is…”.

* You can add a completely new question of your choice to the end of the list, as long as it is still in the form “The best [subgenre] [medium] in [genre] is…”.

* You must have at least one question in your set, or you’ve gone extinct, and you must be able to answer it yourself, or you’re not viable.

Then answer your possibly mutant set of questions. Please do include a link back to the blog you got them from, to simplify tracing the ancestry, and include these instructions.

Finally, pass it along to any number of your fellow bloggers. Remember, though, your success as a Darwinian replicator is going to be measured by the propagation of your variants, which is going to be a function of both the interest your well-honed questions generate and the number of successful attempts at reproducing them.

OK then. PZ gives his own set of questions to start with:

1. The best time travel novel in SF/Fantasy is…

The Anubis Gates, by Tim Powers.

2. The best romantic movie in historical fiction is…

Cold Mountain.

3. The best sexy song in rock is…

Gloria, by Patti Smith.

OK, time for my modifications, with my own answers:

1. The best near-future novel in SF/Fantasy is…

Firestar, by Michael Flynn.

2. The best romantic movie in historical fiction is…

Shakespeare in Love.

3. [deleted original] The best opera recording in classical music is…

Wagner’s Der Ring des Nibelungen, Sir Georg Solti/VPO.

OK, I hope I did that right. Now, to do this right, some tags: Tosy and Cosh, Samurai Frog, TeflonJedi, Lynn Sislo, and — in an further experiment with plugging memes into collectives — the crowd at No Fear of the Future.

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A Quiz!

I knicked this from Still Life with Soup Can. I don’t remember doing this one before, so here it is. It’s about…food!

1. How do you like your eggs? Scrambled, with cheese or without, with a liberal sprinkling of black pepper and hot sauce. Or as an omelet with many, many kinds of fillings.

2. How do you take your coffee/tea? Black with quite a bit of sugar. I’ll use a creamer now and again as a change of pace, but mostly, I subscribe to the wonderful Turkish proverb: Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as Death, and sweet as Love. (I’ve never tried real Turkish coffee, though.)

3. Favorite breakfast food? My love of pancakes and waffles knows no bounds, but at a restaurant I’m likely to order some kind of combo plate with eggs, meat, and toast. These days, though, my main breakfast meal tends to be a bowl of frosted shredded wheat, topped with blueberries (fresh if possible and not expensive, frozen otherwise), with a glass of orange juice.

4. Peanut butter – smooth or crunchy? Smooth, because that’s the preference of the WomenFolk of Casa Jaquandor. I personally have no great preference either way.

5. What kind of dressing on your salad? My favorite is poppyseed dressing. For some reason, in restaurants I reflexively order ranch, even though it’s boring. At home, I’m switching to extra virgin olive oil mixed with balsamic vinegar. Eventually I’ll start doing things like making my own vinaigrettes.

6. Coke or Pepsi? Usually Pepsi, but I like Coke too. I wish I could get Passover Coke in these parts (although in truth I haven’t tried any of the stores in the Jewish neighborhoods of Buffalo). I’ve pretty much stopped drinking diet pop, because I’m told the chemicals in them are all kinds of bad. Have I researched this matter myself? Of course not. Because I just do what I’m told, that’s why.

7. You’re feeling lazy, what do you make? A couple hot dogs, or maybe a bowl of Ramen.

8. You’re feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order? Italian sausage and onions. Or pepperoni and banana peppers. Or ham and mushrooms on a white crust. (By the way: Chicago pizza is pizza. Deal with it, you NYC-style pizza crybabies!)

9. You feel like cooking. What do you make? Depends on my mood, really. If I’m feeling ambitious, I make a mean Pastitsio (just made one last week, as a matter of fact). I do good fried chicken, although I do that maybe once a year. My mac-and-cheese is good.

10. Do any foods bring back good memories? Ramen noodles, which I ate from a very early age — especially if I have any rye crisp bread to butter and then dip in the Ramen broth. Spanish rice and corn bread is a stand-by dish from when The Wife and I were first dating. And, of course, a roasted turkey.

11. Do any foods bring back bad memories? Hmmmm…can’t think of any off the top of my head.

12. Do any foods remind you of someone? Spanish rice. See above. And ditto the also afore-mentioned Ramen with rye crisp; that reminds me of my father.

13. Is there a food you refuse to eat? Broccoli. I consider anyone who claims to genuinely like the flavor of broccoli to be delusional.

14. What was your favorite food as a child? Totino’s frozen pizza.

15. Is there a food that you hated as a child but now like? I’m coming to enjoy mushrooms, although not to the point of eating them by themselves, or having stuffed mushrooms as an appetizer. But I do like them in stuff, like on a pizza. That used to be a dealbreaker for me, but now, I’ll cheerfully eat a pizza with shrooms on it. Oh, and squash.

16. Is there a food that you liked as a child but now hate? Not hate, per se, but there’s stuff that while I don’t dislike it I genuinely wonder what I thought the fuss was — like those dirt-cheap frozen pot pies, for instance. For a frozen pot pie, Pepperidge Farm or Marie Callender’s make much better ones; and really, if I’m really hungry for pot pie, I’ll make one myself.

From my college years, though? I can’t fathom how I went for a year consuming Easy Cheese on a regular basis. Ewwwwwww.

17. Favorite fruit and vegetable: Blueberries; Green peppers.

18. Favorite junk food: Chips of just about any kind (except that horrible “Dill Pickle” flavor), chocolate chip cookies, ice cream.

19. Favorite between meal snack: These days? A couple ounces of mixed nuts, or a cup of yogurt, or a granola bar.

20. Do you have any weird food habits? With chicken wings, I tend to eat the “drummies” before I eat the “wing” section. When we make any kind of baked pasta dish, I have to get a serving from the edge of the pan, where that crusty goo forms. And whenever we get pizza, I start eating it with a knife and fork, until I eventually decide to just pick it up like you’re supposed to do.

21. You’re on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on? I don’t do diets; rather, I try to build new eating habits. I love peanut butter spread on celery, though.

22. You’re off your diet. Now what would you like? Everything!

23. How spicy do you order Indian/Thai? I don’t order Indian or Thai. Why? Because I never make it a priority to get off my arse and go sample Indian and Thai. I admit that this is a serious flaw in my food education.

24. Can I get you a drink? Yeungling lager; or Blue Moon pumpkin ale; or Sam Adams Cherry Wheat; or a rum-and-coke but only if it’s Captain Morgan; vanilla rum and root beer.

25. Red wine or white? Red. Especially if it’s Port — I love Port.

26. Favorite dessert? Ice cream. Or cake. Or both.

27. The perfect nightcap? A cup of herbal tea with honey.

Hmmm…for some reason I’m hungry now.

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Ahhh, the memories of Marvel Team-Up!

Michael May’s Adventureblog provides this fun meme-thing:

First, select ten fictional characters (from any medium) by whichever method you like best.

1. Diarmuid dan Ailell (from The Fionavar Tapestry)
2. Obi-Wan Kenobi
3. James Bond (the Lazenby, Dalton, or Daniel Craig incarnations)
4. Wonder Woman
5. Captain Malcolm Reynolds
6. Jehane bet Ishak (from The Lions of Al-Rassan)
7. Agent Dana Scully
8. Hermione Grainger
9. Lady Eowyn (from The Lord of the Rings)
10. Han Solo

Divide the list up by even and odd.

OK. Team One: Diarmuid Dan Ailell, James Bond, Mal Reynolds, Agent Scully, Lady Eowyn.

Team Two: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Wonder Woman, Jehane bet Ishak, Hermione Grainger, Han Solo.

Which group of five would make a better Five Man Band (like a Power Rangers team)? Who would you slot in each position: Leader, Lancer (second-in-command), Big Guy, Smart Guy, The Chick?

Hmmmm! I’m guessing Team Two.

Leader: Obi Wan Kenobi
Lancer: Wonder Woman
Big Guy: Han Solo
Smart Guy (girl, in this case): Hermione Grainger
The Chick: Jehane bet Ishak

Just for the sake of completeness, here’s how Team One would break out:

Leader: Mal Reynolds
Lancer: James Bond
Big Guy: Diarmuid Dan Ailell
Smart Guy (also a woman in this case): Agent Scully
The Chick: Lady Eowyn.

The roles in Team One would be a lot more fluid, I suspect; while Diarmuid is often portrayed as a fun-loving rogue, whenever the chips are down in those books, the guy rises to the occasion and provides some serious leadership. Bond also tends to be a loner a lot of the time, so he’d probably switch in and out of the lancer role, maybe even taking three roles at times (Big Guy and Smart Guy). Lady Eowyn’s also got some strength and leadership skills, and of course Agent Scully is no pushover either. Team Chemistry would be a problem here, I think; a lot of strong-willed people would end up butting heads.

If you think the team would be improved by swapping one character between the even and odd groups, which ones would you switch?

I don’t think I’d switch anyone. Team Two seems pretty strong, in my mind, and any trade into Team One wouldn’t reduce the problems noted above. So no trades; these are the teams.

Gender-swap 2, 8 & 10. Which character would have the most change in their story arc? Which the least? Would any of these characters have to have a complete personality change to be believable as the opposite sex?

OK: Obi Wan Kenobi becomes a woman, Hermione Grainger becomes a man, and Han Solo becomes a woman. Hmmmmm.

I suspect that Obi Wan could have been made a woman with almost no trouble at all. Hermione probably wouldn’t have been believable in the slightest as a boy/man; since the whole dynamic of the Potterverse is set by the trio of heroes being two boys and a girl, I don’t think three boys would work at all, so there would have to be a girl, which in turn would lead to Ron being a woman. Or something like that.

And Han Solo as a woman? That would make his (her) relationship with Leia fairly interesting, would it not? However, aside from that love triangle, I’m not sure this would really impact the story in a very large way. Nothing in Star Wars makes a female analogue of Han Solo unthinkable.

Compare the matchups of 1 & 8 and 5 & 9. (Ignore canon sexual preferences for the moment.) Which couple would be more compatible?

1 and 8: Diarmuid dan Ailell and Hermione Grainger? The Hermione of the actual Potter books wouldn’t even be a blip on Diarmuid’s radar, since he’s a fairly sexual adult and she’s just a kid, finding her way. Now, an adult Hermione might well catch his eye, as he is clearly attracted to strong-willed, brave, and intelligent women.

5 and 9: Captain Mal Reynolds and Lady Eowyn? Eowyn’s all about duty and her country, while Mal’s all about freedom. I can’t see them being compatible at all.

Which couple would be more plausible to people from either principal’s home culture?

Definitely Diarmuid/Hermione. They both come from worlds of magic and myth. A space traveler in Edoras? Not happening. On a genre mash-up basis, that couple’s a total non-starter.

Your team is 3, 4 & 9. The mission consists of a social challenge, a mental challenge and a physical challenge. Which team member do you assign to each challenge?

Bond, Wonder Woman, and Lady Eowyn. Well, obviously Wonder Woman gets the physical challenge, just because she’s got some super strength. (Which isn’t to say that’s the only kind of task she’d be good for. We’re limiting to just the focus of this question.)

Bond would get the mental challenge, I think. In the best of all Bond stories, he has to do a lot of figuring stuff out.

Which leaves the “social challenge” to Lady Eowyn. Now, I’m not entirely sure what a “social challenge” actually is, but her role in the books is at least partially social, a leadership role, so that’s what she would get here. I think.

7 becomes 1’s boss for a week in some plausible fashion. How’s their working relationship?

Agent Scully as Diarmuid dan Ailell’s boss? That’s an odd picture, I must say! Scully would find their working relationship frustrating, I suspect, although his sardonic nature might well mirror her partner Agent Mulder’s, albeit with more overt humor and wit. For his part, Diarmuid would do what he’s told, since underneath his sardonic exterior beats the heart of a man who takes duty very seriously. In fact, not only would Diar do his duty, but he’d have killed anyone who refused or balked at doing theirs!

2 finds him/her/itself inserted into 6’s continuity. As far as anyone other than 2 or 6 is concerned, they’ve always been there. What role would 2 be presumed to have had in 6’s story, and could they fit in without going wonky?

So we’d have Obi Wan Kenobi in The Lions of Al-Rassan? Well, if he actually had a lightsaber, he’d stand out like Manute Bol in the land of the Munchkins. However, there is certainly room in that mythos for a band of monastic knights a la the Jedi — especially if we expand Jehane’s “continuity” to include the other novels set in that same physical world, The Sarantine Mosaic and The Last Light of the Sun.

3 and 5 get three wishes. The catch is that they have to agree on all three wishes before they get the benefits of any of them. What three wishes would they make?

James Bond and Mal Reynolds? Agreeing on wishes? Again, this one’s tough because of the genre mashup — spy thriller meets space opera/western. So what would they wish for together? Crikey, that’s hard. Personally, I’d expect that they’d sit down and play three games of cards, one wish going to the winner of each game.

1 and 2 are brainwashed by a one-time artifact that works even on people immune to mind control to attack and kill 4. They keep their normal personality, skills and competence level, except any Code vs. Killing has been turned off. Can 4 survive? How?

Diarmuid and Obi Wan have to go after Wonder Woman. If they could somehow part her from her Lasso of Truth, they just might be able to pull it off. Diarmuid would have to accept this as a suicide mission, and Obi Wan’s powers would be severely tested. However, if Wonder Woman has the Lasso with her, Diar and Obi Wan are screwed. If she ropes them with the Lasso of Truth, that might cause the effect of the brainwashing to wear off!

6, 7, 9 & 10 must help an orphanage full of small and depressed children have a merry Christmas. Who does what, knowing that at the very least the kids will be expecting a visit from Santa?

Jehane, Agent Scully, Lady Eowyn, and Han Solo? I guess the ladies would do the shopping and set-up, and then they’d force Han to put on the Santa costume.

3 and 8 are challenged to circumnavigate the Earth in eighty days or less, using only forms of transportation invented before 1900. Can they do it, or will they be fatally distracted by sidequests or their own personality conflicts?

James Bond and Hermione Grainger? Yeah, they’d probably do it; I’m sure Hermione’s read books on the operation of hot-air balloons and sailing vessels, and James Bond can operate any vehicle at all. As for personality conflicts, I suspect they’d get along fine, unless again we’re talking about adult Hermione, who might then find herself in bed with Mr. Bond.

And I guess that’s it! Fun quiz. No tagging.

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But I wanted to be…a LUMBERJACK!

Stolen from Jason, I followed these instructions:

1. Go to http://www.careercruising.com/.

2. Put in Username: nycareers, Password: landmark.

3. Take their “Career Matchmaker” questions.

4. Post the top ten results.

OK, so here are my top ten results:

1. Technical Writer

2. Anthropologist

3. Writer

4. Market Research Analyst

5. Critic

6. Print Journalist

7. Translator

8. Communications Specialist

9. Political Aide

10. Activist

Most of these come as no surprise, I must admit — look at all the writing careers! Yay! Not so sure about technical writing, given my lack of expertise in technical stuff, but there’s a learning curve there, I suppose. Also “translator” — I’m not sure how that came about, seeing as how there were no questions about languages (and my non-English speech is limited to what little high school French I remember). I also don’t know how good a political aide I’d be, given the high level of frustration I often feel with politics as it’s practiced in this country.

Being a print journalist would be cool — I could put the “liberal” back in “liberal media”!

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My kingdom for a quiz

Yup, what would a return to blogging be without a quiz. I grabbed this one from Steph Waller after I saw it on her MySpace page (although she did it as a bulletin, so I’m not sure how to link her answers). Anyway:

1. You have $5 and need to buy snacks at a gas station. What do you buy?

Hmmmm. A Big-Gulp drink (probably Pepsi or Diet Pepsi, although once or twice a year I get a hankering for Mt. Dew or Dr. Pepper), and then maybe a Slim Jim and a bag of Combos (the pepperoni pizza flavor). Combos are, to me, like crack. Many snacks are like crack, actually.

2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?

I’m stealing Steph’s answer here: one of the creatures from The Abyss.

3. Who’s your favorite redhead?

When she colors her hair, The Wife! (When not, Leah Thompson.)

4. What do you order when you’re at IHOP?

I haven’t been to an IHOP since I was seven or eight years old. But they are building one quite near Casa Jaquandor (it used to be a bar/restaurant called Kelsey’s), so I’ll be able to answer this sometime soon.

5. Last book you read?

I’ll abstain from this one, in favor of a longer post on recent reading for a later time.

6. Describe your favorite pair of underwear.

I don’t have favorite underwear. I’m a guy. Underwear is purely utilitarian in nature, and I give it no thought whatsoever except for when I suddenly realize that it’s time to buy some more.

7. Describe the last time you were injured.

Physically? I cut myself at work a lot. I’ve never yet knicked myself on a power saw or shot my own fingers through with the nail gun, luckily.

8. ????? No question????

Huh? OK, folks, use comments to suggest a Question Number Eight.

9. Rock concert or symphony?

I suppose it would depend…but in truth, I have never been to a rock concert before. Not one. I’m not sure how this has come to pass, but there it is.

10. What is the wallpaper of your mobile phone?

I don’t have a mobile yet. Or a cell.

11. Favorite drink?

Spiced rum and cola. Or seven-and-seven. Or Southern Comfort in cola. Or vanilla rum and root beer. Spiced rum also blends very nicely with Vernor’s Ginger Ale. And, if you can get the mix exactly right, a blend of peppermint schnapps and root beer will taste just like birch beer. (Get the mix wrong, however, and the result is not unlike some of the nastier brands of mouthwash.)

12. What type of top/teeshirt are you wearing?

As of this writing, a light shade of green.

13. If you could only use one form of transportation for the rest of your life what would it be?

I can’t decide between a Danube-class starship, a YT-1300 light freighter, or an Aston-Martin DB5 with all the optional extras installed.

14. Most recent movie you’ve watched at the movies?

The Simpsons Movie.

16. What’s your favorite kind of cake?

Carrot cake, with enough frosting to stop a clock. (A cake’s primary function is as a frosting-delivery device.)

17. What did you have for dinner last night?

As of this writing: A pulled-pork sandwich, fries, and an appetizer platter from Zebb’s. As you’re reading this: who knows?

18. Look to your right what do you see?

A floor fan, my CD collection, the teevee, and The Daughter.

19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

For laced shoes, yes.

20. Favorite toy as a child?

Hmmmm. Not sure, really. I had lots of toys, and the various obsessions thereof came and went.

21. Do you buy your own food?

How else would I eat?

22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?

Of course they do. Everybody talks about everybody, and really, except for cases of nasty rumor-mongering, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

23. When’s the last time you had a sour gummy worm?

Never. I don’t like “gummies” all that much, no matter what critter they’re shaped as.

24. What’s your favorite fruit?

Blueberries, strawberries, white peaches. And apples — we’re heading into prime apple-eating season. I love eating an apple on a crisp fall morning!

25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?

Absolutely not! Do I look that acrobatic in nature?

26. Have you ever eaten snow?

Sure. I find that November snow is the best for pure eating, but January snow is the best for use in omelettes.

27. What color are your bedsheets?

Right now, a lavender-type color.

28. What’s your mom’s favorite flower?

Hmmmm. I haven’t the faintest idea, really. We had peonies and rhododendrons in the yard, and when she was a gardener she’d plant a lot of marigolds, but I’m told that was more an anti-rabbit thing than a fondness for marigolds (apparently rabbits don’t like the scent of marigolds or something like that, so if you surround your veggies with them, the bunnies won’t eat them, or so goes the theory). She has live plants in her home, but a lot of them are potted evergreens.

29. Do you listen to classical music?

Of course! (And for people who are afraid of classical music or think it’s “too hard”, come on! It’s just music. You listen to it just like any other music.)

30. Do you have a “wacky noodle”?

On the advice of counsel, I’m not only not answering this, but I’m not even going to look up what “wacky noodle” means.

31. Do you watch Spongebob?

Not often, because we don’t have cable, but I find that show fairly amusing when I do. It’s pretty zany, which appeals to me.

32. Last food you ate?

A couple of cookies with my morning coffee. (As I’m writing this. When you’re reading this, I may have just had lunch!)

33. Do people consider you intelligent?

I hope so! But then, I can also be a complete clod.

35. Is your away message on?

Not at present. I only IM on AOL, and I’m not signed on right now. (I used to use Microsoft’s IM program, but I haven’t in a long time. I should also look into Google’s version.)

36. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together?

Why would anyone do this?!

37. What curse word do you use the most?

I get a lot of mileage out of “shit”, I’m sorry to say. And thanks to Gordon Ramsay, I now find myself muttering to myself, “Oh, f*** me senseless!” when I encounter random daily dumbness. I do swear too much.

38. What time is your alarm clock set for?

Too frakkin’ early, that’s what time! On normal work days I get up at 6:00 am. Sometimes I’ll get up earlier if there’s a special job to do for which I need to be at The Store early (particular maintenance jobs that have to get done before the respective departments open up, for instance). I’ve also sporadically risen that early so I could get in my daily walk. I’ve actually come to really like the way the world feels at 5:00 in the morning; I just hate that one has to get up at 5:00 in the morning to see that world.

42. What CD is currently in your CD player?

Nothing for now; I’m pretty religious about removing CDs from the player when not in use. Earlier, however, I was listening to a CD of Kullervo by Sibelius (London SO, Sir Colin Davis conducting). I know terribly little about Sibelius; the only work of his with which I’m more than passingly familiar is his Violin Concerto.

43. What movie do you know every line to?

Star Wars Episode ___: _________.

44. What is your favorite salad dressing?

I don’t have a favorite, really; I rotate through a bunch of ’em. When I’m at a restaurant I tend to get ranch a lot, which is really kind of boring, when you get down to it. I love poppyseed dressing, so maybe today I’ll get a bottle of it. I don’t eat enough salad. I love salad — but only if the greens are dark and leafy: romaine, arugula, baby spinach, all those. I detest iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce is the only food on the planet that is more useless than the plain ricecake.

45. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?

If The Wife wants to get tattoos, sure. Otherwise, no, because The Wife would kick my ass.

46. Do you sleep in the same bed with your pets?

Yes. And the one that usually sleeps with us snores and takes up a mammoth amount of space.

47. Do you enjoy giving hugs?

Yes.

48. What part of your name do people mis-pronounce?

There’s a very common way people pronounce my last name which according to my relatives is wrong, but I never correct people anymore. It just doesn’t seem useful to do so.

50. If you were to become famous, would you drop your last name?

Yes, and I’d take the new last name “Arbuckle”. Why? Why not?

OK, that’s it. I’m not tagging anyone, so grab and go if you like.

UPDATE: Huh. On further reflection, it seems that a bunch of questions are missing from this quiz: Numbers 8, 15, 34, 39, 40, 41, and 49 are all MIA! So, readers, go ahead and fill in the blanks with those questions, if you please!

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Notes

A couple of things:

:: I guess it’s time to start giving actual hints for Unidentified Earth 15, so here’s the first hint: the Carter Administration.

:: It’s time to identify the false item in my second Seven Things post. Ready? Here goes…it’s Number Five. Those were the teams, but the Pirates lost, not the Phillies. It was a cold and drizzly day at Three Rivers Stadium, and I drank about six hot chocolates at three bucks each or whatever it was that hot chocolates went for at Three Rivers back then.

My second Major League Baseball game — and, thus far, my last one — was on my twenty-first birthday, when I and a bunch of friends went to the Hubert Humphrey Metrodome to watch the defending World Champion Twins defeat the Royals, 9-2.

:: By the way, check out ShrpSports.com, if you ever need a source for all-time results of various sporting events. If you need to know who the Milwaukee Brewers played on June 10, 1981, you can find it here. (They lost to the Texas Rangers, 12-5. Two days later a labor issue caused a two-month work stoppage in MLB.)

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Mea culpa.

I goofed a bit, folks, in writing this post, the “Seven Things” post. See, I wrote the intro first, saved it as a draft, and then came back later and wrote my seven things…but I forgot about the proviso I’d written in the first part of the post, in which I indicated that I’d list six true things and one false one.

So…all those things are actually true. And now I feel bad, so here are another seven things, with one genuinely false statement. Ye Gods….

1. I once had to get a tetanus shot when I paddled my kayak through a barbed-wire fence. (No, not at high speed, but I did get scratched a bit in trying to push my way through the fence.)

2. I own exactly two neckties, and the last time I wore one was when I had a job interview four years ago.

3. It’s been a long time since I had the stuff, so I can’t be too sure if it’s still the case, but I used to like Vegemite.

4. I have never owned a pair of Levi’s.

5. The first Major League Baseball game I ever attended saw the Phillies fall to the Pirates. This was in 1983 or so.

6. My graduation gift from my parents, when I graduated college, was a Persian kitten.

7. My favorite comic strip as a kid was…(oh, lord)…Family Circus.

OK, folks, there it is. One of these really is false. I promise!

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