Sunday Burst of Weird and Awesome

Oddities and Awesome abound!

:: Glenn Beck’s psychodelic road show. I actually kinda want to see this, just for how gonzo it sounds.

:: Need a reaction GIF from a Hayao Miyazaki movie, tailored to a specific emotion? Here you go.

:: Lots of weird stuff in the Amazon. It’s all probably hostile, so hey, Brazil? Could you bulldoze the rest of the Amazon faster, please? Thanks!

:: Finally, a salute to a typewriter repairman who died last month at the age of 96, working almost to the end. I used to dink around on a typewriter a lot as a kid, and I imagine typewriter repair was a nice niche field to be in for quite a few decades, there.

More next week!

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Mr Pastis will take your lunch money now.

The last two days, Pearls Before Swine (one of my favorite newspaper comic strips) ran these two installments:

They’re OK, not all that funny, really. But these characters — the polar bear and the penguins — have never been seen before. Since Pearls often abounds in meta-style humor and the breaking of the fourth wall (creator Stephan Pastis often includes himself as one of his own characters, with the characters commenting on the quality of his work), I figured that something was up. Meanwhile, each day, there were people in the comments section offering the complaint that “Polar bears are Arctic beasts, while penguins are Antarctic.” Which is true.

But then, today Pastis pulls this:

Heh. The last two days were mere set-up for this, which wouldn’t have worked if the comments sections and message boards didn’t do exactly what he figured they’d do when he drew these strips months ago.

Well played, Stephan Pastis! Well played, indeed!

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Some Lazy Linkage!

Just a few links to some nifty stuff seen ’round Blogistan of late:

:: Cal reports on a saloon in the Yukon that serves a cocktail with a pretty odd addition. No cocktail olive or Maraschino cherry up there, nosiree, Bob….

:: SamuraiFrog has been blogging off-and-on, and pretty bravely in my view, about his struggles with anxiety and depression. We do not, as a society, tend to appreciate nearly as much the degree to which such things are a major struggle for those who suffer them, and the degree to which they can turn what non-sufferers see as normal events into harrowing ordeals. Here’s his latest report on this. As always, I wish him the best in conquering these particular demons.

:: Roger reports on attending a taping of an NPR radio show. The show is Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me!, a quiz show with a live studio audience.

:: Ken Levine on being asked to do an improv scene…with Robin Williams.

:: John Scalzi went to Worldcon, and brought himself back some hardware. I’m not a big fan of the book he won the Hugo for, but as I’ve indicated elsewhere, it’s not a function of his writing but rather that it’s just not my cup of tea (being “meta-fiction” and all). But still, congratulations to him. He’s having a terrific career, and it’s interesting to recall that I first got wind of him a little over ten years ago, when a story circulated Blogistan of some blogger who had stuck his book online and then had a publisher pick it up. Now he’s winning Hugos. (Should the plural of Hugo be Hugi?)

:: Help a clown to deliver a pie to his 1000th face. I’m on board with this, obviously!

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Ooooh, football season!

What it feels like to be a Bills fan these days

I usually make some kind of quasi-official (read: half-assed) prediction of how the Buffalo Bills will do each season, so here it is, even though I’m not returning to blogging about each individual game. My new rule, as stated a week or so ago, is that I won’t watch any more Bills games until the team reaches four games over .500. If that takes them until the 2015 season, so be it. Watching what will almost certainly be bad football doesn’t strike me as a good use of my beloved autumn and winter weekend hours, so there they go.

But anyway: the Bills are going with a youth movement. They have a new rookie quarterback, whom they took in the first round this past year: EJ Manuel, who was off most scouts’ radar for some reason. From what I’ve read, I’m not sure why that is, but then, I’m not a scout. He seems to be an intelligent player who works hard and who played quite a bit in college. Works for me. We’ll see what happens. Other than that, the Bills pretty much stink everywhere else except running back. And maybe the offensive line.

It’s a year for youth, so I expect lumps a-plenty. My best guess for their final record is 4-12. Yippee. Go team, rah rah rah, if you can’t do it, the other team can!

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Caillou in Inappropriate Places

Here’s an awful thing that popped into my head one day that I couldn’t resist: using Photofiltre to insert Caillou, everybody’s least-favorite four-year-old, into terrible scenes from history. I’ve been doing this on Tumblr, and here are the ones I’ve done so far, below the jump (because this is really in bad taste)!

Caillou joins the Bataan Death March!

Caillou and the Nazis enter Paris!

Caillou at a Klan March!

(I can never look at a picture of Klan activities without wondering why nobody apparently realized how unbelievably stupid those idiots look in those costumes.)
Caillou helps out at the Soviet Gulag!
Caillou visits the burning wreckage of the Hindenburg!
Caillou on the scene of the Exxon Valdez oil spill cleanup!
Caillou hangs out amidst the rabblerousers in Reign of Terror France!
(The jokes about Caillou’s head not fitting in the hole in the guillotine write themselves, don’t they?)

Caillou joins a soccer riot!
Caillou witnesses the murder of St. Thomas a Becket!
More to come someday. Maybe. I’m sure this subject will come up when I’m standing in front of a very stern-looking St. Peter.

More here!

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Sentential Links

It’s that time again….

:: Clearly Someone Didn’t Want The Saxophone To Be Invented (Wow. Just…wow.)

:: In my career, I’ve been on the other side numerous times. I’ve been the one reading and judging. I always write nice rejection letters, even if the script sucks eggs. I feel that good, bad, or indifferent, the person (or team) went to the effort of writing a script and the least I could do is let them down easy.

Plus, who’s to say I’m always right? I’m not. Along the way, I’ve rejected a few great people who went on to long and successful careers. When a writer friend of mine was story editor on ARCHIE BUNKER’S PLACE he rejected a script by the Coen Brothers. It happens to all of us.

So when you get rejected – and we all do – take heart. You never know who’s going to turn out to be an A-lister. (You know, no matter how many pieces like this I read, my reaction to a new rejection is always the same. It’s a mixture of “Oh who the HELL am I kidding I’m an untalented WRETCH who should apologize to all these people for inflicting my work upon them!” and “I will etch your names on a wall of granite, such that they will remain for all time a testament to the FOOLISHNESS of turning ME away! ONE DAY I WILL FEAST UPON YOUR SOULS AND THOSE OF YOUR NEXT SEVEN GENERATIONS!!!!”. Luckily, these two feelings pass pretty quickly, and then I’m onto the much more reasonable and practical “OK, who’s next?”.)

:: I believe that to read like a writer, the best way is to read a piece of literature as if you were going to teach it. (Interesting approach. I tend to read like a fellow storyteller.)

:: As a Doctor Who fan, one of the most frustrating things is the inability to watch a complete run of the series. 106 episodes of the series – one-in-eight of the total number – are missing from the BBC archives.

:: I was just wondering… Is there any kind of protocol for ending a texting conversation? (I wonder about this myself. It’s kind of like discussions on blog comment threads, which inevitably just kind of peter out as the post drops down the front page. It reminds me of something someone said back in the hey-day of political blogging: If you touch off a controversy and invite lots of traffic and bile on something you write, just keep posting. The post in question will drop farther and farther down until it vanishes into the Archives, and it’ll be forgotten. Not quite about text messaging, but conversations in texts just seem to stop, don’t they?)

:: Don’t you people get it? There’s only one way out of autumn. No matter how nice it seems, it always dumps you right in front of that spooky shed out back where you must sit inside on the dirt with your knees pressed against your chin while blowing into your hands for three months. Watching your breath quickly appear and disappear like memories of basking on the beach under golden light the summer before. (Old post, but the author linked it on Twitter yesterday. He’s a fine writer, which is a shame because he’s SO SO SO wrong! I adore Fall and Winter! Come, cool weather and snow! Huzzah!!! Check out his site, by the way. Lots of interesting and well-written stuff there.)

:: When President Obama suggested that we look at race again in light of the Trayvon Martin case, that Obama could have been Trayvon 35 years ago, some, such as Touré at TIME, thought it was a brave personal observation. He wrote: “The assertion that blacks are hallucinating or excuse-making or lying when we talk about the many very real ways white privilege and racial bias and the lingering impact of history impact our lives is painful. It adds insult to injury to attack all assertions of racism and deny its continued impact or existence.”

More next week!

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Answers, the seventh!

Continuing the answers!

Andy asked: Have you ever thought about self publishing your novel and bypassing all the rejections the clowns at the publishing companies give ya??????

Oh, yes, I have indeed. And yes, I will self-publish…but only when I am satisfied that it’s just not going to happen the traditional route.

Self-publishing has been around forever, but technology is really driving it into acceptability nowadays, which is a very fascinating development. The growth of new paths around the traditional gatekeepers may become one of the most important developments in the literary history of this century. So, what are my thoughts about it?

Well, first off, I want to go the traditional route, if I can. The reason is that the infrastructure already exists, and there are people – agents, editors – who help you navigate that infrastructure. Marketing, book design, all those kinds of things are already in place, so all the writer has to do is write. (I know, this is an oversimplification, but we’re just riffing in a blog post here.) I’m not sure how good I’d be at the whole marketing area, for example, but if the time comes, I’ll get myself up to speed pretty quickly.

However, the plain likelihood is that Princesses In SPACE!!! isn’t going to sell, for various reasons. The odds are just against it. I’m an unpublished author, so the bar gets set even higher; the book is on the long side, at roughly 160,000 words. (In ballpark terms, that’s a roughly 400 to 450 page mass-market paperback novel.) Now, I’m biased, but I think that I wrote a book that moves those pages along pretty quickly, but still – newbie authors don’t often get to break in with long books. It does happen, though – witness Patrick Rothfuss and his doorstop debut, The Name of the Wind. (Not that I’m comparing myself to Patrick Rothfuss.)

Used to be that a new writer would write a book, shop it around, and if it didn’t sell, well, that was just one of every author’s “practice novels”, their training camp, so to speak. The idea is that every writer has to produce a few clunkers just to learn what it is they’re doing, so that when they do break through, it’s with a book that’s as good as they can make it. With the rise of Indie publishing, that’s not so much the case anymore.

Is this a good thing? Don’t we need the gatekeepers to keep the marketplace from filling up with crap?

Well, maybe…but then, I’m not entirely sure. It seems to me that gatekeeping may take a different form, and the literary community may become something like, oh, Trip Advisor or Urban Spoon or some of those sites. My mother has become quite a traveler in recent years, and she relies heavily on Trip Advisor to find out things like where to stay and eat, what to do and how to do it, how to get around, and that sort of thing. A restaurant in a town that gets terrible reviews on Trip Advisor is at a substantial disadvantage, and the same may apply in the future to writers who put poor books into the marketplace. And besides, let’s be honest: it’s not as if the gatekeepers aren’t an impenetrable bulwark against the tides of crap. Lots of crap gets through, for various reasons: one person doesn’t think it’s crap, or their crap detector malfunctions at a key point, or that crap is what’s selling so they’d better get some of their own similarly-scented crap out there on the shelves, too. Who knows. I return to William Goldman’s statement, which I think should be known as Goldman’s Law: “Nobody knows anything”.

So, yes, I will self-publish Princesses In SPACE!!! when the time comes. I suspect that won’t be for at least another year, if not longer, which kind of frustrates me, because I really want this story to be out there as soon as possible. I want people reading it and hopefully liking it and telling other people that they like it and so on…but the wheels of publishing turn slowly, and I don’t want to jump the gun. Maybe I just haven’t put the book in front of the right agent yet; you never know, and there are a LOT of fish in that particular sea.

There is one benefit to waiting that long, though. My current plan is to edit the first draft of Princesses II in December and get it to beta readers no later than the Super Bowl, which means that I’d be able to generate a third draft sometime next spring or early summer; by next fall, I hope to be writing Princesses III: The World Crime League (not the actual title). The upshot here is that, if I end up self-publishing, I should be able to – at least as the series starts – issue one novel per year in the Princesses In SPACE!!! Saga. If and when I have fans, I don’t want to subject them to any George RR Martin-style waits between books!

Ultimately, I’ll self-publish when the time comes because while I’m a newbie unknown in the eyes of the publishing world, I’m not a newbie unknown to me. I’m not content to let this be one of my “practice books”. I believe in this story, I know it’s good, and one way or another, as long as I’m drawing breath, it will get out there.

(Not that anyone asked, but I’m hoping to complete the first draft of GhostCop by December – using its back half as my NaNoWriMo project for this year – and then move back into Lighthouse Boy, a project which is starting to recrystalize a bit in my head.)

OK! Next up, an anonymous reader asked: How did you put together/find the people who review and edit your book?

I had six people beta-read Princesses, and I’ll likely go with a similar number for Princesses II. I didn’t want a large number of beta readers, so I went for diversity, which really paid off. There was my friend Matt Jones, whom I’ve known since fifth grade and who has been reading my drivel for exactly that long. (Interestingly, he liked the book least, but that’s what I expected, since his literary tastes have developed along lines of terse and economical prose, Hemingway-esque, if you will, while my own tastes run toward long and poetic sentences that have their own rhythm and frequently go on way too long but I don’t care because that’s how I like it and I enjoy reading sentences like that, sentences you can lose yourself in. Hmmmm.) Only one other is someone I know in real life, a friend from work who reads quite a bit but who doesn’t know SF very well. That was important to me, because I’m trying to write a book (or sequence of books) that don’t assume a good deal of familiarity with a genre that can be offputting to people entering it. Ditto an online friend who is one of the writers I respect most; she’s an experienced writer and spinner-of-tales, but SF ain’t her thing, either. The other three are all online friends who are familiar with SF, but whom I know to have different tastes within SF.

Everyone had interesting commentary to offer, from a genre standpoint or from a “Hmmm, the story seems to slow down a bit through this” standpoint, or a “I’m not sure it makes sense for this character to do that right then” standpoint, or from the extremely helpful standpoint of “Hey dummy, you’ve spelled the same made-up word five different ways. Make up thy mind!”

These folks all have standing invitations to beta-read my stuff in the future, and I may add one or two, but in general I intend to keep that group fairly small. (There were a couple folks I asked who had to decline on the basis that they had too much to read already. Gotta respect the “To read’ pile.)

Finally, Roger asks: Your feeling about ebooks v physical books, both from a reading experience and all that complexity of who owns the items when one wants to pass on the book.

There’s always been a tough divide to find between physical property and intellectual property. I once knew an artist who sold an original work to someone, who later decided that they didn’t want it anymore and put it on eBay. Was that person out of line? I’m not sure, but I can see how it could be viewed as such. Owning books is a pleasure, and I’m less thrilled with the idea of not “owning” anything when I buy something; we’re moving toward a model where our money buys us a license to enjoy something, rather than owning it. I’m not wild about that, but I can only shout at the rain for so long, too.

As for the actual reading of e-books versus physical books, I do definitely prefer the physical book. But as a matter of convenience, the e-book is just undeniable. Carrying around a little tablet that is loaded with dozens of books and comics is just too cool for words, and it’s a fabulous way to get hold of great literature…with certain concerns. Reading an e-book is, in terms of experiencing the content, pretty much exactly the same as reading a physical book.

There are differences, though. The screens have come far enough that reading on a screen doesn’t bother me at all, which is cool. The apps I use all have different ways of navigating, though; my favorite, Perfect Viewer, I use for reading comics, and it advances the page by tapping on the left side of the screen. This seems slightly counterintuitive, but I hold the tablet in my left hand, which means that tapping the left side of the screen requires a simple flick of my left thumb. The Kindle and other e-book apps I use all use a tap on the right side, however. (I find that Kindle’s “sweet spot” is easy to miss, too, so I usually just swipe the page to turn.)

Some e-books use too large a font or have too much spacing, so I end up having to swipe quite frequently. Also, there’s no physical sense to progressing through the book, which takes some getting used to. You don’t get the physical shift in the weight of the book over time, as the weight of flipped pages moves from right to left; you don’t get the feel of the book’s right-hand side dwindling. All you get is a little page counter at the bottom, or a progress bar, or a number indicating what percentage of the book you’ve read. That’s a bummer – part of the tactile feel of reading a book isn’t there. But I don’t miss that enough to consider e-book reading a ‘lesser’ reading experience.

Somewhat more problematic for me is that I like to dip into books I’ve read, or refer back to passages as I progress through a book. This is much easier in a physical book, where I can roughly recall how far back a given thing I’m looking for is, and I can land on a certain page, jog my memory a bit (“OK, that happened before the bit I’m looking for”), and then act accordingly. With e-books, all you have is that sliding bar at the bottom to move back and forth in the book, so tracking down memorable bits is difficult.

Also, I’ve noticed that the formatting still hasn’t become standardized enough. For the most part, books you buy on the Kindle store are pretty solid, but not always. You can get Kindle editions of classic literature pretty cheaply; many are even free. But you lose something in formatting, which can often be messy or buggy. This applies to books provided by other sites, too, in Kindle format. Here’s a screengrab from a page of the Project Gutenberg Complete Works of William Shakespeare:

See, that doesn’t work at all. The entire play isn’t like that, but still, that’s a bummer. I do have another edition that was just a couple bucks on the Kindle store; that one has excellent formatting, but it has a totally different flaw: none of the plays includes the Dramatis personae. That’s a headscratcher of an omission, and for me, it keeps me searching for a better edition. The Gutenberg one has the character lists, but you can see the formatting issues there. PDF files tend to work well, but the problem there is that you can’t change the color of the background, so every PDF is black text on bright white. I prefer not-quite-black text on a not-quite-white background. Not an option on a PDF.

So, in terms of content, I find e-reading a different experience, with its own problems that I expect will get better over time. My biggest problem with e-reading on my tablet? It’s not even reading. It’s the fact that I can do all these other things on the tablet. Like checking e-mail. Flipping through Instagram. Websurfing. Reading blogs via RSS on Feedly (which I highly recommend as a successor to Google Reader, by the way). I can even watch Netflix on the thing.

But I can also read comics! That’s pretty awesome.

More answers to come!

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The official site of Kelly Sedinger: Reader, writer, photographer, and dreamer

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