You’re not fooling anybody, Canada!

I’ve long suspected curling of not being a real thing, and now Cal goes and confirms it, with this bit of “commentary” on Facebook (in response to this photo of what we’re told is the outcome of a curling match, but we know better, don’t we):


I always ask the same questions when I see one of these pictures.

How the hell did the other team miss your rocks EIGHT FUCKING TIMES because they ALSO get eight rocks to throw. You got all your eight rocks to count but they did nothing to prevent that from happening. It’s like humans playing against squirrels when a eight ender occurs. They never show the other team who allowed EIGHT FUCKING POINTS to get scored against them because the shame is so great that their images will not even register on film.

An eight ender? This is about the worst real thing I can imagine happening. Four people with two rocks each on the other team couldn’t prevent this insult from occurring. How do you numnuts miss EVERYTHING in the house? Are you infirmed? Did none of your rocks even cross the hog line? I have to know. I HAVE TO KNOW!!

Yeah, there’s no way that’s a real sport! We’re on to you, Canada!

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5 Responses to You’re not fooling anybody, Canada!

  1. Lynn says:

    Oh, I love curling! I got into it about 3 Olympics ago, I think. They had it on in the afternoon and my son would come home and find me watching this weird thing on TV and he would sit down and watch it and we had a great time making fun of it and gradually we figured out what was going on. It's a nice memory of time spent together and it's still a fascinating sport.

  2. Call me Paul says:

    Having been on a team that scored an eight-ender once, I can tell you that everything Cal said is one hundred percent true. The team in that photo, while being pleased about being involved in a very rare event, are also a bit embarrassed to be celebrating the fact that their opponent, at least on that day, sucked balls. Really bad.

  3. mylittlegeekery says:

    Blame shitty Northern UK weather mixed with alcohol and little to do in the winter, for curling came from Scotland. Much like the insane sport of golf, it doesn't take much to understand how it came to be.

    "Ach. We need somethin' ta do. Let's go ice fishing."

    "Nah. We'll just be sittin' around outside instead ah indoors."

    "We could skip stones out over the ice."

    "How the bloody hell are we gonna skip stones on ice?"

    "Slide 'em, then."

    "What's the point in that?"

    "We could make a goal o' some sort."

    "You mean like a game?"


    "Can we knock other stones off the goal?"



    "Hell yeah!"

    "What if we don't throw it hard enough to get it to the goal?"

    "Well… we could use brooms to smooth out the ice and make 'em slide farther that way. Everyone's got brooms!"

    "This could be the whiskey talkin' but this is bloody brilliant!"

  4. Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness says:

    I never will get over seeing an eight ender. I have the same reaction everytime.

  5. Roger Owen Green says:

    oh, demon alcohol

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