Matt Jones, whom by virtue of having known him since fifth grade is the person outside my immediate family I’ve known the longest (unless you count the girl from 2nd grade who is now one of my Facebook friends) in my life, went and did something rather rash. Ach! He has to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom now! Aieee!
In fifth grade, by the way, Matt and I had hair of similar length. Clearly, judging by his photos, we have gone in somewhat opposite directions.
Anyhow, congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Jones. May the Force be with them!
I just wish I could get Mrs Sneakz to squeeze from the bottom of the toothpaste tube. (I was going to leave off the qualifier "of the toothpaste tube," but realized it would have been overtly sexual.)
I've actually taken the hair length to the lowest it can go in the last month. I shaved it for the first time ever. Apparently, it was already very short, because it took my wife two hours to notice. Somehow, that last 1/16th of an inch was more impactful to me.
It's clear that I have won the infinity race of hair (i.e., as hair goes to zero…), as it appears you would have to have some kind of Crystal Gayle-ian growth to balance the force.
Being a newlywed, I have never heard the "squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom now" phrase before, nor do I know what it means. I can only assume it means an even more gruesome doom for the real Captain Senoj.
The toothpaste thing is one of those sitcom marriage cliches. Women methodically squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube, forcing all of the toothpaste up and out, whereas men are louts who just squeeze from the middle and throw away the tube when it's still half-full.
Crystal Gayle…wow, don't know if I can grow it that long. Hmmmmm.